Older customer

[MoonCat]

This morning my first call was from a long time customer, an elderly woman who is trying (again) to find trustworthy help (companion/housekeeper).

She doesn't want to leave her home, she isn't well, and she said her last aide turned out to be a drug dealer

At one point during the convo she said she wasn't feeling very well, and she sounded so weak I asked her if she wanted me to call 9-1-1 for her. She was adamant that she did NOT because she said they "wouldn't let her go home" if she went to the hospital, because she lived alone.

She actually starting crying a little. I suggested she call senior services or the office for the aging - nope. Refused.

I feel bad for her, but what can I do? She is refusing any help because she's determined not to go to a nursing home.

[CyberLurch]

I'm pretty sure the police can do a 'welfare check'. That's not the same thing as an emergency, if I understand it correctly, and an ambulance won't be dispatched unless the police find she is in real medical need. I also believe she has the option to refuse medical assistance, though - DISCLAIMER - I'm no expert on the matter.

Other than that, no, there's really nothing you can do. It's heartbreaking, I know, but some people are just stubborn that way and you won't convince them. Every time there's a disaster, you always learn that there were people who completely ignored the warnings.

[Slave to the Phone]

Not only will the police do a wellness check, often they know what resources there are for the homebound. Sometimes people respond better to suggestions from a uniformed police officer than from a random stranger on the phone.

I know that you felt sorry for her, but ultimately, she is responsible for herself.

[MoonCat]

Update: This customer has since passed away. I don't know if she ever went to the hospital or what. RIP.

[Pixelated]

That's sad. Unfortunately, there is only so much that you personally can do, and that's what you did. You can't force somebody to accept help.

I had something similar happen to me: somebody called to say her "scooter" isn't working, and she's been told it will take four months to fix, and she can't go anywhere without it, so she's stuck in the house, but the scooter company says it won't take anywhere near that long to fix (so, um, why are you believe "whoever" as opposed to the scooter company??)

She started sobbing halfway through the conversation too, and I had no clue what to tell her (a lawyer's office can NOT help you with this). I'd completely forgotten that there is a three-digit number you can call in this region that will put you in touch with a huge number of helpful organizations. I'll remember it in future. Meanwhile, I hope she got her scooter back.

[Slave to the Phone]

Yes, a very sad update, but please remember that there was nothing else you could have done.

As a side note, it is very sad that so many seniors are afraid of going into a nursing home. Things are different now and most nursing homes aren't just warehouses where old people go to die.

I've been researching them because we need to move our 86 year old father to one, and some of those places are simply amazing and while the cost is rather high, once the spend down is finished the government picks up the tab.

[Pixelated]

As a side note, it is very sad that so many seniors are afraid of going into a nursing home. Things are different now and most nursing homes aren't just warehouses where old people go to die.

Exactly. Mom's nursing home is a great place; they have activities (that she never participates in) and outings (that she never participates in ... but okay, at least they're available!) The staff feels really bad that they can't get her to take part but we just tell them look, we know who you're dealing with ... don't worry about it. Yes, you have to do your research, but most places, I think, are really good and have good staff.