Need help with problem at work

[DrFaroohk]

So not sure how much I've revealed in other posts, but gist of my work story is this: My ex-girlfriend is my new boss.

Which is ok, I can deal with her. But now, her new boyfriend works across the street from us at a restaurant. That's just great. She doesn't even live in this neighborhood, yet it seems like she goes out of her way to bring her life over here. She lives about 30 miles away! He couldn't find a restaurant to cook in over that way? They can't play pool at the bar in t heir own damn town?

But still, I'm reasonable and I understand that she has a right to live her own life too. Cool.

But now I'm coming into work and finding things that relate to her life. Example; every time I go in, she'll start talking to one of the co-workers about how well her and "Brad" are doing. Or the latest one which is really bothering me is I'll find some piece of paperwork in the office that has stuff like "Laura Loves Brad" and "Laura and Brad 4Ever" and "I love Brad".

Would it be totally inappropriate for me to ask her to leave that shit at home? I mean, she is always giving me crap for bringing my personal problems to work...well I'm not really. My personal problem is waiting at work for me and being thrown in my face all the time. If I brought it up in a "professional" manner (as professional as can be anyway) do y'all think that would just be wrong, or maybe help me out a little bit? Need some perspective from other managers or people who've been in my situation.

[Caveat Emptor]

Being that she's your boss, it's a touchy situation.

If she's talking about it almost everytime you're in earshot and leaving these notes so you'll find them, then it sounds like she's playing the jealousy game, which is immature and unprofessional. Tell her to please stop with the notes. If she's gossipping on her breaks or lunches about Brad, then there's nothing you can do about it, but if she's doing it when she should be working, then pull her aside and ask her to stop.

[Andara Bledin]

That is a touchy situation.

If there is stuff written down, and it can be proven that it is her doing the writing, that can be sent to her superiors.

I'm wondering if this could be construed as a subtle and backwards type of sexual harrassment. Not the "have sex with me or I'll get you fired" type but the "we broke up so now I'm going to demean and belittle you every chance I get" sort. It's a form of bullying, I'm pretty sure, and I would be surprised if there wasn't something on the books to use to get relief.

Seriously, I'd call up a solicitor/lawyer who specialized in workplace situations. This is just too sticky for people who don't know the ins and outs rather thoroughly to really get a good handle on.

^-.-^

[wagegoth]

She's obviously found your sore point. She's having a good time at your expense. Frankly, I don't see anything from your post that would require having anyone else get involved in the situation. It's pretty juvenile and not specifically hostile. If she were to cut your hours, assign you unnecessary work, make your work life difficult, make false complaints about you, then you would have a complaint.

IMO, the best thing you can do is ignore her. This will result in one of two things: she'll give up after awhile when she can't get a rise out of you, or, the bad one, she'll push the point harder, maybe asking Brad to visit during your shared shifts, wasting time on phone calls, being cold or a bitch. Since you dated her, you should have a good idea how she'll react.

If you think she'll react badly (or even if you don't), one day just tell her that you're glad she's found someone who makes her happy, and you really wish her the best. Maybe even tell her that you're glad you have the opportunity to tell her this, and since you're now friends that it's nice to be working with her. Take the high road, the cool road. Then there's nothing she can complain about.

[Pedersen]

Heh, that last post just gave me a very fun idea: Since she enjoys making you uncomfortable with this, drive her crazy right back: Start hanging out with them. Make it a point to show up where they'll be. Become good friends with "Brad".

If there's anything that'll drive her crazy, it's wondering what you're up to in trying to be so damned nice all the time

[auntiem]

Seconded - making friends with Brad will drive her crazy! Bonus, when she breaks up with him you'll end up with a cool new friend. I'm friends with an ex-girlfriend of a now ex boyfriend - at least he had good taste in women

[Becks]

Or the latest one which is really bothering me is I'll find some piece of paperwork in the office that has stuff like "Laura Loves Brad" and "Laura and Brad 4Ever" and "I love Brad".

but.... How middle/high school :gag:

[BookstoreEscapee]

but.... How middle/high school :gag:

My sentiments exactly...

I'm with wagegoth on the "ignore her" bandwagon. Don't pretend she's not there, but when you see her just say hello, be pleasant, and keep your conversations focused on work. Just be professional at all times and no one can say anything.