UH OH!!!

[Gabrielle Proctor]

So, Swordsman422 and I work at he same hobbyshop together. He has this habit of passing gas in the store. I don't really care, we've been friends for a few years and it's usually slow when he lets one. He always says, in the middle of silence, "Uh oh." Whenever I hear, "uh oh" I clear out. Let me tell you, it smells like spoiled milk and potato chips. It is a very unique odor, I would rather not be around it however.

Anyway, there was one customer and her 5 year old daughter in the store one day. Swordsman was stickering items, I wasn't on the clock yet, and the little girl was walking around looking at dollhouse items. He decides the store is slow enough to let one. What he didn't anticipate is that the little girl would change course to look at paint by number kits. She walked right through the stink, stopped, sniffed, and started to cry.

Girl- Moooooommmmmyyyyyyy!!! I want to go home! It smells bad in here!
Mom- What's the matter? Did you have an accident?
Girl- No...it smells bad! I want to go home!!!
Mom- Okay, were leaving.
Girl- *bawling*

Swordsman watched in disbelief as they left. When I got into work he told me the story. I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants! I don't like kids anyway, no offense to you who have them, I'm sure they're great. But I prefer adults. Anyway, the guys around the store all have a new respect for Swordsman, employees and customers alike. He has aquired a level in stinkiness that is to be revered! Little girls beware!

[uknz76]

I used to have a Pit Boss in the casino like that. He could let rip on demand, it was really useful at the end of the night. He would leave a 'deposit' next to each table. We would be closed in 15 mins.

In hindsight it probably wasn't to good for our health though.

[blas]

We called it "crop dusting" in the restaurant bizz.....

Table full of annoying customers or notorious cheap or non tippers, walk past and rip a very subtle total SBD. Silent but deadly.

Watch em suffer that!

I'd crop dust at the gas station when lotto losers would sit for hours and hours engorged in their scratch offs, they had no idea it was even me walking by, much less laying ass biscuits that would make the Mona Lisa shed a tear.

[JustADude]

Blas, I'm so glad I put my drink down before I read that. Hot cocoa out the nose is NOT something I want to experience, especially not with the mini-marshmallows!

[Becks]

Maybe my store should try that when it's getting on to be closing time.

[Naaman]

Heh.

That's what I used to love about Christmas in the store. It wasn't uncommon for me to have had a few pints of bitter the night before and as my gut has the nasty side effect of turning sulphurous the morning after...

I'd try and hold it till a Mum pushing a stroller walked in (blocking the aisles obviously), grab some stock and start putting it away. Just as I walk past the sprog drop it and walk away quickly looking as though nothing is wrong

Worked every time, kid gets the blame

[Tria]

He has aquired a level in stinkiness that is to be revered! Little girls beware!

Also consider that a 5 year olf is about at the right height for a nosefull.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

You know how casinos pipe in fragrance through the air ducts to try and fail to make the place smell good? Maybe stores should do the same thing with stink bombs to drive people out who are in past closing time.

[zzapp the witch]

That walking by kid in the stroller bit wouldn't work with my kids, they are all too proud to claim theirs. To the point that they'll say very much too loudly, "MOMMY I FARTED HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" in the middle of the store. I blame the bf.

[MadMike]

That walking by kid in the stroller bit wouldn't work with my kids, they are all too proud to claim theirs. To the point that they'll say very much too loudly, "MOMMY I FARTED HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" in the middle of the store. I blame the bf.

My son was the exact opposite -- he'd waste no time in calling attention to the culprit.

When he was about 5, we were in the mall, and I think I was checking out something at one of the stores, when I had to let 'er rip. I did it quietly, and I figured no one would know.

That is, until my son loudly announced to everyone in earshot, "EWWWW, DADDY! YOU FARTED!"

I grabbed him and left rather quickly.

[blas]

My friend loves to fart into the vents at work.........the vents that FILTER out the air!

[tollbaby]

In hindsight it probably wasn't to good for our health though.

There's absolutely nothing harmful to your health in breathing other people's farts. The amount of methane being released, unless in a non-ventilated 4x4 box perhaps, is so minimal as to be non-existant. The only effect is on your olfactory senses

[zzapp the witch]

Yeah, but what about the ickyness for microscopic pieces of their poo getting into my nose?

That's how I got my son to quit eating his boogers, I told him about how when he smells someone's farts there's little pieces of poo that get in his boogers.

[Sliceanddice]

mythbusters...
Theres poo everywhere on every thing

My dad use to let em go on road trips. We would hear an 'AHHHHHH' and know to cover our noses.

It was aweful

[zzapp the witch]

Your misspelling of "awful" had a unexpected side effect. Iced tea in the nose.

Awe + full. Those must have been some baaaaaad farts!

Ah, I love your quirks, slice.