PA system hijinx

[bean]

So what are some of the more memorable PA hijinx you've seen?

After close, it's pretty much a constant barrage of harassment, Beavis and Butthead quotes, bad singing, insults, innuendo, etc. I'm very guilty of getting on the PA and cranking out line after line from Beavis and Butthead, insulting whoever's trying to sing, quoting George Carlin and other comedians, etc. Of course, it depends which manager is closing - if the store manager is closing, he would completely lose it and fire everybody. Same with one of the assistants. The other 2 assistants usually wind up cracking up, occasionally even joining in.

Tonight..

Coworker: <rendition of some horrible 80s song>
Me: <Butthead voice> Cut it out asswipe!
Coworker: <more bad singing>
Me: <nasal stuck up female voice> SIR I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE THE BUILDING! THIS IS A PRIVATE CHANNEL FOR OFFICIAL <store name> BUSINESS ONLY!
Coworker: More singing
Me: <nasal> SIR I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU NOT TO QUIT YOUR DAY JOB <switches to butthead voice> I said cut it out asswipe!

I had no idea that several frontend employees were still in the store for some reason (they're usually gone by 10:30, this happened after 11) - apparently they all suspected it was me doing the nasal voice. Oops.

While we're open though.. the worst I'll do is use a very slow, deep voice when doing a page.

[Horsetuna]

Hehee. Really nice.

I use the paging system all the time at my work at the orange box company. I have this terrible fear of accidentally hiccuping into the phone though.


My hiccups cause irrepressible hilarity when they onset, and theyre quite explosive. After a long bout my stomach will hurt from the contractions. If it happened over the intercom Id never hear the end of it.

My sneezes are just as deadly.

[Will-Mun]

Not exactly PA, but in the same vain...

So it was about a half hour before close in Gamestop, and it was me, another employee, and the assistant manager (who's a real blue collar man, not uppity, the kinda guy you could see making fart jokes at a bar.)

We were DEAD, like, DEEEEEEEEEAD. Nobody had walked in for at least a half hour. So we got into telling BAD jokes... BAD jokes. Jokes that if I were to repeat here I would be banned for life...

Seriously aweful jokes. Dead Baby Jokes, Race jokes, Religouse jokes... Just horrid jokes that had us cracking UP, this went on up until one guy came in five minutes before closing, and then continued until all the closing procedures were done. My throat was horse from laughing so hard.

[Knightmare]

While we're open though.. the worst I'll do is use a very slow, deep voice when doing a page.

"Paging Mr. Herman. Mr. Herman. You have a telephone call at the front desk."

[BookstoreEscapee]

We used to press the buttons on the "sound stories" books from the kids' dept and play them over the PA. They were fun.

[Zinjadu]

Guilty!

We used to press the buttons on the "sound stories" books from the kids' dept and play them over the PA. They were fun.

And I thought I was the only one who did that

. . . but I have to admit I'm bad - I was doing it in the grocery store. . . during store hours. . .

The book "Animal Adventure" was the best one, not that we had many to choose from. There was one that had thunder, sirens, and a train - that one was good, too!

[lordlundar]

We used to press the buttons on the "sound stories" books from the kids' dept and play them over the PA. They were fun.

Never did it, but was a victim of it.

A couple of times, we got in DVDs with those sound chips built in. And every time someone had to play it on the PA. The screamer was fun though.

As well, we were giving out Death Star desktop balls with SW: EAW when it launched. Pressing the button gives the sound of the planet killer cannon firing. Guess what was put on the PA.

Finally, one of our staff bought one of those "Easy Buttons" from staples and it was in the back. I needed something out of the cages and the manager came up and asked me about it after I got what I needed. On my way back, I hear the PA go off and hear "That was easy" on the PA. I phoned the manager phone and said "You just had to, didn't you?"

[Becks]

Let's see...

OK, to clarify, I myself have not done these, but was in the building...

--A coworker had/found a toy mouse and would squeeze it to hear it say "I'm a saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad little mouse"...always fun at 6:45 every morning.

--Same coworker would find seasonal toys to play over the PA

--Different coworker played snippets of the Spice Girls song "Wannabe" over the PA. His father, one of the store managers, told him not to do that anymore.

[B&NGoddess]

We used to press the buttons on the "sound stories" books from the kids' dept and play them over the PA. They were fun.

we used to do that all the time. our music manager recently made announcements every hour stating that it was C's birthday. "And remember, it's still C's birthday. He's 39 today."

a former assistant manager used to say "grandma? i'm lost." in a child's voice.

at kmart, someone had (or faked) an orgasm.

[repsac]

Things I have done:

1.) Belched into the PA. That one wasn't intentional. Just picked up the phone and went to page someone, only to rip one off. Got a bit embarrassed by that one and hung the phone up.

2.) Sneezed mid sentence. Forgot how that one went, something like "I need a head cash...cash...cas...ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! sorry. Head cashier to lumber." A few seconds after I hang up, I hear the guy from receiving come on the line and say "Bless you."

[BusyBee]

One that was before my time - apparently someone once did the closing announcement in a dracula voice. And tacked on some line about 'you should leave or I vill suhhhck your bluuhhhhhd!'...

After we're closed, a few times someone has gotten one of the little toys that plays quotes from Scarface and plays that over the PA...

One that I'd like to do, if I could get the voice right - and if I knew my coworkers would get the reference; they might be a bit young for it - "Bueller? ... Bueller? ... Bueller?"

[lordlundar]

that I'd like to do, if I could get the voice right - and if I knew my coworkers would get the reference; they might be a bit young for it - "Bueller? ... Bueller? ... Bueller?"

Just go as deadpan as possible. No tone change, and no laughing at all. Good luck!

[Andara Bledin]

I use the paging system all the time at my work at the orange box company. I have this terrible fear of accidentally hiccuping into the phone though.

My hiccups cause irrepressible hilarity when they onset, and theyre quite explosive. After a long bout my stomach will hurt from the contractions. If it happened over the intercom Id never hear the end of it.

I get some really major hiccupping jags. I'll be fine one minute, then I'll start hiccupping. Usually about a minute between so that there's time to forget about them if it's busy. I've hiccupped into the phone and on the PA. Never sneezed or coughed into the PA. Or burped, for that matter.

^-.-^

[Kilamon]

Step 1: Verify that your phone has a voice recorder function.
Step 2: Hit up http://www.soundboard.com/ and record some stuff to your phone.
Step 3: Profit!

[El Barto]

One that I'd like to do, if I could get the voice right - and if I knew my coworkers would get the reference; they might be a bit young for it - "Bueller? ... Bueller? ... Bueller?"

We have some of those Hallmark sound cards, and that's one of them. I'll have play it over the PA tomorrow morning.