Infinitely Gritting My Teeth (Long-ish)

[Gurndigarn]

As many people have said, if you can afford to get out, it may not be a bad idea. And either way... why not stop lying? If it stresses you out, don't do it. What's the worst they can do? Fire you?

[Shabo]

To both of you poor souls stuck in crappy situations:

Don't lose heart. It's not always the job that sucks, but the management in these cases. It's ok to love retail but hate your job, Pezzle. It doesn't mean you aren't cut out for it. Take this into consideration: people are leaving that store left and right. High turnover is a sure sign of poor management, and you're manager is worse than poor. And for BDWAYBABU, good luck. I hope that everything goes well with the doctor and that you are able to find a new job that treats you better. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourselves, both of you. You need to let them know that they can't walk all over you.

I find that meditation helps a great deal. The beginning steps for that are learning controlled breathing. It might be a good thing to practice during a lunch break, to calm you down. Take like 15 minutes to eat, and the rest of the 15 to meditate. My favorite method is to get my breathing in a rhythm, then visualize myself "leaving" my body behind and going to a place that I really love. (For me, it's the beach on a warm, cloudy, windy day.) When it's about time to finish up and return to reality, I visualize myself returning back to my body, and then I open my eyes again. Seriously, one of the best things to do when you are completely stressed.

Another different form of meditating, which helps in pretty much any emotional application, is to again used controlled breathing, and visualize yourself taking good clean fresh air in through your nose with every breath, and exhaling whatever trouble/emotion/physical pain in a dirty, black, nasty breath through your mouth. Repeat as necessary. It really helps calming yourself down, and I've used it to help with a really sharp pain before. Didn't make the pain go away, but it lessened it. This is something you could do at your desk after a nasty phone call or meeting with the boss, and it takes a minute or two to do. It's not as long lasting as the 15 minute meditation, but it's a good quick fix for your soul.

I hope that all this stress ends soon for both of you. Good luck guys!

[Pezzle]

As many people have said, if you can afford to get out, it may not be a bad idea. And either way... why not stop lying? If it stresses you out, don't do it. What's the worst they can do? Fire you?

I don't anymore, now. I haven't for just a little while. My honesty has cost me much in numbers and income for the store, and I've been reprimanded for it, but it feels better than lying.

[wagegoth]

I ended up on disability because of a manager, and it wasn't even a retail situation. She was verbally abusive, taking out her unhappiness and frustrations on whoever was available, usually me, because I was her assistant. I was down to sleeping two to three hours a night.

I ended up never going back. Disability wasn't great, but it meant I started to sleep normally again, and though things got tight it was worth it in the long run, as I ended up with a part-time job in a law office, which did lead to something much better down the road.

It's bleak and depressing and horrible, and I'm sure it looks like an endless dark tunnel, but things are going to change. They have to. It won't necessarily be easy or pleasant.

If disability is available (getting a work comp claim through for mental stress on the job can be very hard), see a doctor and explain everything that is going on. You may be referred to a psychiatrist for help, but this could be exactly what you need to get some paid leave and a new perspective.

Keep us updated, please. And we all wish you the best.

[Pezzle]

For the past few days, it's not even like I've been laying there awake -- no, I am in a deep sleep. I've been taking alot of Tylenol PM tho', and see... I have bad bad dreams too. I dream of children killing themselves after their mothers and of men beating their kids faces in. So my sleep, while lengthy, is not restful.

Should I see my family physician first? He knows most about me and could probably make suggestions I think. I'm so nervous though.

[XCashier]

Yes, go see your doctor. Tell him everything you've told us. Tell him about the mental abuse your workplace is giving you, the blood pressure, bruxism, breathing problems, everything. If he's a decent doctor he will help you through this, rather than just tell you "it's all in your head". You should not be afraid to see your doctor.

This job is psychic poison. Get out of there, do not pass go, do not collect two Maalox. As Shabo said, the high turnover rate is a sure sign of inept management, and inept managers always make life hell for their employees. Talk to your boyfriend, your friends, listen to their advice. Perhaps you can figure out a smaller budget you can live on until the Nuke job opens up. As someone who's been there, being unemployed, while stressful, is still better than an abusive job situation.

Above all, take care of yourself. Life is too short to have to take someone else's crap. We're all pulling for you here.

[JustADude]

For the past few days, it's not even like I've been laying there awake -- no, I am in a deep sleep. I've been taking alot of Tylenol PM tho', and see... I have bad bad dreams too. I dream of children killing themselves after their mothers and of men beating their kids faces in. So my sleep, while lengthy, is not restful.

Should I see my family physician first? He knows most about me and could probably make suggestions I think. I'm so nervous though.

Pezzle, if you haven't made the appointment by the time you read this, MAKE THE APPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW! Your problems are a Non-Trivial Issue, and need to be dealt with ASAP. Don't even finish reading this post. Go make the appointment. I'll wait.

Aht!

I said go make the appointment!

...

Okay, done yet?

Good.

Now go take some "Me Time" and consciously relax every muscle in your body. You'll probably be surprised how much you've got clenched up without knowing it. And yes, relax your shoulders even if it hurts at first... especially if it hurts at first, really. Just like smiling and frowning can actually trigger a swing toward the related mood, tensed or loosened shoulders can cause bio-feedback and alter your state of tension and anxiety.

[Der Cute]

Pezzle:

GET YOUR BUTT TO A DOCTOR!!!!!

When a job makes you sick, it's bad. You CANNOT continue to harm your body (and yes you are doing so) by continue to work there.

Sit down today. Do a pro/con list. Pro of keeping job, con of keeping job.
What does the con list say? Hmmmmm?????????

And by the way: I sometimes take Tylenol PM to make me sleep: but it puts me into such a deep sleep, I get the weird weird dreams. I'd say lay off the PM and start learning how to relax.

After you get home from work, go outside for a walk. Reconnect with Earth. Say hello to trees. Say hi to the birds (yeah sounds dumb but just do it.) Make a deal with yourself to only think Non Work Issues. Stuff like - wow I like kitties. That cloud looks like a fluffy dragon. Hmm the car in front of me is poofing blue smoke, must need an oil gasket. DOODLE IN YOUR HEAD. Let the gerbil take 5 and stop worrying.

Go for a walk, 1 hour of Non Responsible Relax time. 1 hour to self, to do nothing but walk and look around. No Work thoughts. No negative thoughts. Make yourself find the good things: Double Rainbows! Pretty sunbeams....etc.

After walking, eat healthy foods. Fiber, vitamins, color. The better you feed your body, the better it can handle flying brown stuff. Stop giggling, seriously.

Now, you've come home, walked and eaten dinner. Start making a game plan for dealing with work. Don't spend more than an hour on this crap.

Write letters to self, boss and other employees, but don't send them. Just pour your thinking onto the keyboard, get it out. This will help loosen you up.

And make sure you see a doctor about these health issues!!!! NO if's ands or buts!

Cutenoob

[Pezzle]

Well...

So today I called the doctors office and left a voice mail to have an appointment arranged, and I highlighted ASAP in my voice. I hope my doctor isn't too worried, we're pretty friendly and I had a horrible jitter in my voice this morning. This will probably benefit me in several ways so, I simply cannot wait. I trust him a great deal. The only reason I didn't go before was because I was convinced I could find some way to handle it all, but it's all become so overwhelming. I've been trying to let the manager know that he can't walk all over me, but it's still only half the problem.

While I was with my boyfriend last night, thinking about the day I had for me today, I was completely dejected. All the sudden I had an outburst of tears.... which turned into laughing, screaming, and more crying. For about an hour I had a hard time making cognitive speech patterns I think I was so upset I couldn't say anything. My boyfriend almost grabbed my cellphone and called to leave the company a voice mail saying I would not be coming in becuase he will not allow me to be in the company of abusive bullies.

Here's the big thing. He hasn't done it since, but some weeks ago he threw a keeper box (those thick plastic boxes you keep easy to steal things in, with the rare earth magnet locks) at me. He's thrown things at associates before, apparently at Compusa he did the same thing. I didn't think much of it then, but I was quite shaken by it deep down... cuz' ever since then, work hasn't been the same. I'm always afraid when he's working, always looking around, always scared he's going to take something else out on me. It's like an abusive relationship, or something.

I can't take it to HR becuase I have no evidence and now cannot recall the exact details, I just remember being mad that he threw things like a 2 year old.

I'll probably have to have bloodwork done. The last time I was overwhelmed and stressed at work, I had a bad episode of mononucleosis. Now, I'm tired all the time again and often have muscle soreness and headaches so I am sure he'll want to see if it's acting up again or not. I hope not, that was HELL.

Today I sent about six emails to different companies with want ads on craigslist and such in the area for tech support. I'm sure I won't get most of them, they want more qualifications and such but... I guess it's worth a try. My resume isn't much to speak of.

Anyway, thanks for your continuing support... and now I want to go sleep.

[Der Cute]

Pezzle:

Regarding the box-tossing BF: I wonder at times if you are being irrational due to your overwhelming stress levels.

No, it is NOT acceptable to throw things at other humans (although some times I want to) BUT...are you adding fears into the equation? Are you saying to yourself: I dislike him throwing a box...........OR ZOMG HE THREW A BOX NEXT TIME ITS A KNIFE ZOMG EEK EEK....

Do you see my point?
During stress and anxiety, brains / emotions can go weird. Gut instinct is usually correct, and there are times also when the concious part of you layers on extra fears on top of the reaction.

I'm trying to say - you may be right but are you making mountain out of molehill?

I am glad you have CHOSEN (remember this) to goto the doctor's office. Please CHOOSE to write down your symptoms, your incidents and your questions for the doctor. Being anxious/ weirded out - it's hard to vocalize your thoughts, collectively and clearly.

I hope you CHOOSE to learn manual relaxation techniques.

Pezzle: what about printing out your posts here for Doc? Just a thought.

Keep us posted,
Cutenoob

[Pezzle]

Cutenoob:

I do believe you misread my post. My MANAGER was the one who flung the keeper box across the counter because he was angry. It had a piece of RAM in it, and was making the bench look untidy so he flung it across the bench. It of course bounced and hit the edge of the bench and subsequently flew off and onto the floor next to me. -- I think he was not actually trying to hit me, but he came quite close. There were other associates there, but now I can't remember who it was... I really wish I'd written it down at the time. I do not take these things lightly anymore. At first I almost expected it as part of a work day... and then I realized he was doing it to other people. All the sudden it clicked "Wait a minute... you're not supposed to get things thrown at you by your boss at work..."

I dont' care if deep down he was joking, his face was fuming red at the moment and he reprimanded us for how unsightly the tech bench was. I'm not scared it'll be something bigger, I'm just scared next time it'll hit!

My BF would never throw anything at me. My BF is angry because he threw things in the workplace and stomped and huffed like an infant.

Same thing when we were disposing of a customer piece in the warehouse and he threw it down (shot put, shattered into a million pieces). Disregard for safety.

I haven't told HR. Why? I wasn't quite upset about it until after the fact, and now my dates and times are all fowled up. They'll never believe me at this point so I just have to document everything from this point on.

Hope that clears it up.

And yes, I'm documenting everything in my little red book.

[Der Cute]

While I was with my boyfriend last night, *snip*Here's the big thing. He hasn't done it since

Ok, I mis-read the post. I thought that the 3rd paragraph was a continuation of the BF.

Yes, continue the documentation, both for your sake and other employee's sakes. And good luck on job hunting, hope you've got a resume in Dice.com!

Cutenoob

[MystyGlyttyr]

For the past few days, it's not even like I've been laying there awake -- no, I am in a deep sleep. I've been taking alot of Tylenol PM tho', and see... I have bad bad dreams too. I dream of children killing themselves after their mothers and of men beating their kids faces in. So my sleep, while lengthy, is not restful.

I don't know much about what to say about the rest, but this jumped out at me. Tylenol PM does me the EXACT same way. Every time I have ever taken it, it's given me godawful nightmares, we're talking waking up screaming in terror and my parents come running in from the other room to see who's killing me style of nightmares. And on a couple of occasions, in addition to the nightmares, I would get some very strange sort of sleepwalking, where I would wake up in a daze and leap out of bed, take off running, but fall flat on my face within three steps because I wasn't really "awake" yet. One time in particular I remember waking up and looking at the clock, seeing it was about 2:30 in the morning, and thinking "Huh. I'm going to be late for work." But as soon as I stood up out of bed, I went down and then really woke up and realized I didn't have to leave for work until 7. That shit is no fun.

I've never taken it, but my mother, who's lived with bad insomnia for years, SWEARS by melatonin; you can find them for $3 a bottle of 60 at Wal-Mart in the vitamin section. Even my sister, who is the family skeptic, admits that taking those things works almost as well as any other sleep medicine she's tried.

So far as anything else, I echo the sentiments expressed by the others, and I hope you get things worked out.

[XCashier]

I've never taken it, but my mother, who's lived with bad insomnia for years, SWEARS by melatonin; you can find them for $3 a bottle of 60 at Wal-Mart in the vitamin section. Even my sister, who is the family skeptic, admits that taking those things works almost as well as any other sleep medicine she's tried.

Melatonin works very well for me, and it doesn't give me nightmares or any other side effects (that I've noticed). You can find it at health food, natural food or vitamin stores, too.

[Bella_Vixen]

I like Melatonin. The only thing is, it doesn't keep me asleep. It's makes me sleep for a couple hours, then I wake up. I still recommend it.

Just make sure you get the vegetarian version, unless you really enjoy cow brains.