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This didn't really belong under Sucky Customers, so I thought here might be the right place. If it's not, I apologize ahead of time. Anyway, in my 6+ years as a gas station cashier, I have decided that every gas station EVERYWHERE should hand out copies of this list with each purchase. I SO wish I could. And off we go, with Seeress's Rules for Shopping in a Convenience Store. (originally posted on my LiveJournal and the LJ Customers_suck community)
1. If there is a door that is very obviously marked "RESTROOM," there is no need to ask if you can use it. We aren't going to identify it as such if we care for you using it. Also, please look carefully for a door marked "RESTROOM" before asking if we have one. In the same vein, if you FOUND the door marked "RESTROOM" and it is adorned with a sign that says "OUT OF ORDER," please do not argue with/hassle the cashier about it. It's not their fault and they aren't plumbers.
2. If you expect the cashier to put your change in your hand, extend them the courtesy of putting your money in their hand, especially if the cashier is standing there with their hand very obviously out waiting for your money.
3. Don't come in with lots of rolled change and expect it to just be cashed in. We are not a bank, that's the big building up the road on the left with the big sign out front that says "First National Bank."
4. Don't come in with a lot of loose change, dump it on the counter, and expect me to count it for you. Even if you're a kid. If you're a 3rd grader or above, you should be able to count money. (What do they teach in schools nowadays?!) Actually, don't come in with a lot of loose change at all. (By a lot I mean more than a dollar or two)
5. Similar to #4, don't take all your change out of your pocket and hold out your hand and expect me to dig through it to find what I need. If you're too damn lazy to pick out a dime and a nickel, then how the hell did you even manage to get your lazy ass up off the couch to come to the bloody store in the first place?!
6. That grey box-looking thing with the flashy red laser? That's a UPC scanner. Those white boxes with the vertical black lines that are on practically EVERYTHING? Those are UPC codes. These things together mean I have to scan your merchandise. Which means you can't hold on to it and shove money at me, then look at me like I'm stupid when I reach for your item, nor can you say "I want a coke, how much is it?" and expect me to just ring it up. Yes, I can tell you how much it is, but I still have to scan it.
7. When you set your merchandise on the counter, don't set it on the extreme farthest point away from me as you can. I have to scan your items, which means I have to pick them up. It saves you and I both a lot of grief if you just set them within reach to start with. The same goes with your money if you choose to ignore rule #2. Put it where I don't have to lean across the whole counter to reach it.
8. Don't try to scan your merchandise yourself. While I am perfectly aware that a monkey could do my job, that doesn't mean that every monkey that comes along can give it a shot. This ain't Walmart's Self-Checkout, people.
8. All those white numbers on black backgrounds attached to the cigarette rack behind me? Those are prices. And yes, they are the correct price. So if you see something that says "$3.21 +Tax" beneath a row of Marlboros, guess what? That means Marlboros are $3.21 a pack, plus tax. Don't stand there and gawk at those numbers and then ask me how much they are.
9. If you're paying at the pump with a credit card, please read the proper procedure for FastPay. It's printed on the pump. Exact, step-by-step instructions in big, easy-to-read text. It even has pictures in case the words aren't enough. And if you screw it up, I cannot fix it until you hang up the pump, because the cash register, which controls the pumps, will not let me. So don't come inside the store and get snippy with me because you fucked it up.
10. If you got a nice, even amount of gas, say $10, and you come in to pay, and I am currently waiting on another customer, do not stand there and thrust your money in my face. Chances are, I will ignore you until I am finished with the current customer. That kind of behavior is just rude and uncalled for. There are things called manners. Use them.
11. When I am bagging your purchase, don't try to be helpful. This one is more of a personal thing, because I am extremely OCD and I have to do things a certain way. When you try to help, you make things very very bad.
12. If you hit a bird while you are driving, I do not care what kind of phobias you have, it's not my job to free the now-dead bird from your windshield wiper. Wait until you get home and get your mom/dad/friend/boyfriend to do it for you. I don't get paid enough to handle dead, mite-ridden animals.
13. Do not come in the store and treat me like you are above me because I have to serve you. I know it's not much of a job, but I work my ass off there putting in 40 hours a week, and I go to school full-time so I don't have to be stuck in such a dead-end job the rest of my life. Just remember turning your nose up at me when you come to me to design your dream home. You might just end up with random architectural anomalies like staircases that go nowhere and second floor doors that open onto a sheer drop to the first.
14. Customers with $100 bills, ASK before you get $5 worth of gas and want to pay with a $100. Especially those of you who are regulars and you know when our shifts change. We only start with $200 in our till, and I'm not about to give you all my 5's and 10's to make change. Who wants to walk around with nothing but 3 or 4 $100 bills anyway? It's like saying "Please, mug me."
1. If there is a door that is very obviously marked "RESTROOM," there is no need to ask if you can use it. We aren't going to identify it as such if we care for you using it. Also, please look carefully for a door marked "RESTROOM" before asking if we have one. In the same vein, if you FOUND the door marked "RESTROOM" and it is adorned with a sign that says "OUT OF ORDER," please do not argue with/hassle the cashier about it. It's not their fault and they aren't plumbers.
2. If you expect the cashier to put your change in your hand, extend them the courtesy of putting your money in their hand, especially if the cashier is standing there with their hand very obviously out waiting for your money.
3. Don't come in with lots of rolled change and expect it to just be cashed in. We are not a bank, that's the big building up the road on the left with the big sign out front that says "First National Bank."
4. Don't come in with a lot of loose change, dump it on the counter, and expect me to count it for you. Even if you're a kid. If you're a 3rd grader or above, you should be able to count money. (What do they teach in schools nowadays?!) Actually, don't come in with a lot of loose change at all. (By a lot I mean more than a dollar or two)
5. Similar to #4, don't take all your change out of your pocket and hold out your hand and expect me to dig through it to find what I need. If you're too damn lazy to pick out a dime and a nickel, then how the hell did you even manage to get your lazy ass up off the couch to come to the bloody store in the first place?!
6. That grey box-looking thing with the flashy red laser? That's a UPC scanner. Those white boxes with the vertical black lines that are on practically EVERYTHING? Those are UPC codes. These things together mean I have to scan your merchandise. Which means you can't hold on to it and shove money at me, then look at me like I'm stupid when I reach for your item, nor can you say "I want a coke, how much is it?" and expect me to just ring it up. Yes, I can tell you how much it is, but I still have to scan it.
7. When you set your merchandise on the counter, don't set it on the extreme farthest point away from me as you can. I have to scan your items, which means I have to pick them up. It saves you and I both a lot of grief if you just set them within reach to start with. The same goes with your money if you choose to ignore rule #2. Put it where I don't have to lean across the whole counter to reach it.
8. Don't try to scan your merchandise yourself. While I am perfectly aware that a monkey could do my job, that doesn't mean that every monkey that comes along can give it a shot. This ain't Walmart's Self-Checkout, people.
8. All those white numbers on black backgrounds attached to the cigarette rack behind me? Those are prices. And yes, they are the correct price. So if you see something that says "$3.21 +Tax" beneath a row of Marlboros, guess what? That means Marlboros are $3.21 a pack, plus tax. Don't stand there and gawk at those numbers and then ask me how much they are.
9. If you're paying at the pump with a credit card, please read the proper procedure for FastPay. It's printed on the pump. Exact, step-by-step instructions in big, easy-to-read text. It even has pictures in case the words aren't enough. And if you screw it up, I cannot fix it until you hang up the pump, because the cash register, which controls the pumps, will not let me. So don't come inside the store and get snippy with me because you fucked it up.
10. If you got a nice, even amount of gas, say $10, and you come in to pay, and I am currently waiting on another customer, do not stand there and thrust your money in my face. Chances are, I will ignore you until I am finished with the current customer. That kind of behavior is just rude and uncalled for. There are things called manners. Use them.
11. When I am bagging your purchase, don't try to be helpful. This one is more of a personal thing, because I am extremely OCD and I have to do things a certain way. When you try to help, you make things very very bad.
12. If you hit a bird while you are driving, I do not care what kind of phobias you have, it's not my job to free the now-dead bird from your windshield wiper. Wait until you get home and get your mom/dad/friend/boyfriend to do it for you. I don't get paid enough to handle dead, mite-ridden animals.
13. Do not come in the store and treat me like you are above me because I have to serve you. I know it's not much of a job, but I work my ass off there putting in 40 hours a week, and I go to school full-time so I don't have to be stuck in such a dead-end job the rest of my life. Just remember turning your nose up at me when you come to me to design your dream home. You might just end up with random architectural anomalies like staircases that go nowhere and second floor doors that open onto a sheer drop to the first.
14. Customers with $100 bills, ASK before you get $5 worth of gas and want to pay with a $100. Especially those of you who are regulars and you know when our shifts change. We only start with $200 in our till, and I'm not about to give you all my 5's and 10's to make change. Who wants to walk around with nothing but 3 or 4 $100 bills anyway? It's like saying "Please, mug me."
They're nearly $5 + tax here! (So glad my husband quit!)
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