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    As my attempts to escape from motel hell pile up without success, I'm getting incredibly discouraged, and it's getting to the point again that the thought of coming to work makes me physically ill. To that end, I refuse to give up, and I'm still checking out the job ads. Today I found one that seemed promising, but since I have no experience at all in writing cover letters, and had to make one up on the fly, I hope that I haven't done myself more harm than good. What do you all think?

    ---

    Dear sir or madam,

    This letter is to express my interest in the position as administrative assistant I saw listed in the Mountain X-Press today. Based on the skills I've used at the hotel where I have worked for more than five years, I am confident that I would be a great addition to your team.

    During my years at my current employer, the Peculiar Indian Girl's Name and The Other Peculiar Indian Girl's Name hospitality corporations of Hendersonville, I have worked in a detail-oriented, very fast-paced environment, often with little or no supervision, and I have been told repeatedly by the owner of this hotel that I am by far the best employee she has ever had. In addition, I was entrusted with the duty of writing all business communication for both the Blah Inn and Dreadful Inn hotels due to my business communication skills.

    I am excited about the administrative assistant position at Potentially Heaven-Sent Company. I researched the company online, and the opportunity to work for Potentially Heaven-Sent Company would touch upon my passion for urban design and planning, thus I could approach any position with your company with enthusiasm. Thank you in advance for your time. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions. I would appreciate the opportunity to review my qualifications in more detail, and I sincerely hope to hear from you soon.

    Sincerely,



    The Head What is Haunted in a Dreadful Fashion

    ----

    So. Did I blow it with this letter or what? The job ad says that two years of administrative experience is required, but I'm thinking that with five hotel years under my belt, I'll have had equivalent experience. But, you never know. Regardless, I'll never find out if my cover letter sends them into convulsions of helpless laughter right off the bat.

    However though, you have to admit that what I have submitted via email sounds much better than just coming right out and telling the truth, which would be worded as follows:

    -----

    Dear Sir or Madam, because all the ad gave was an email address so you could be an affectionately named Shetland pony for all I know,

    I'm desperate to get out of this goddamn hotel where I hate every second of sitting behind this front desk and dealing with whiny tourists, taking abuse from uppity Floridians, and having to fix the mistakes of our lazy and often incompetent housekeeping staff. I see that you offer a job behind a desk for considerably higher pay, and perhaps with functioning adults rather than people who have undergone the transformation from adult to tourist, which necessitates at least an 80-point drop in their IQ.

    While working here at the motels of the damned, the boss has made lying through my teeth a daily part of the job, so I've gotten very good at it. I'm expected to do a job that is worth twice what they pay me at least, lie to the guests, pretend that problems don't exist or hope that the guests are too stupid to notice the moss growing on the walls in their room because the management is much too cheap to actually fix the leak in that room. In addition, the boss makes me write all the responses to complaint letters and such, and a big part of that is translating the gibberish she gives me into English, and she wouldn't even give me that much as an outline for such a letter if I didn't force her to do that.

    Anyway, I hate my job and I thought I might be a better fit with your company, providing that the people running your place are actually somewhat ethical, and I get paid enough to eat AND put gas in my car rather than have to choose which it will be this week. If you don't get back to me soon, as I've been looking for another job for almost a year now, I'm seriously going to consider attempting an overdose on whatever pills I can get my hands on, so write me back if you don't mind.

    Sincerely,


    A frustrated, pissed off, hostile, cranky, unpleasant hotel clerk with a bad attitude.
    Last edited by Antisocial_Worker; 10-03-2007, 09:13 PM.
    Drive it like it's a county car.

  • #2
    Your first letter is awesome, and covers everything I've ever learned about writing cover letters. I'd have to take a good look at your resume from that cover letter. Nicely done!

    Your second one, though... Well, suffice to say it was hard not to LOL for that one

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks. I'm glad it makes a good impression. I've learned though over the course of this godawful year, not to get my hopes up.

      The company is a landscape design company that is known for prettying up urban spaces. That's where my love of urban planning and urban design comes into it, if anyone was wondering.
      Drive it like it's a county car.

      Comment


      • #4
        Some (likely useless) advice. As is probably apparent from my other postings, I do computer work by profession (also by hobby). I was on monster.com back when it was occ.com (Online Career Center).

        Something I did that, for me, was mostly a waste, but might help you out (if you haven't done so already) post your resume online in every forum you can find. From OCC/Monster alone I got hits every week. For me, I would also add in dice.com, but that's because it's geared towards being a technology jobs site.

        The local papers also feature an area of their site where I can post my resume, and have it visible to prospective employers.

        Basically, what I'm getting at is this: Post your resume in every place that somebody might see it. It never hurts, and could be how you get your job (my current job was through Monster, in fact).

        In addition, from the sounds of your second letter, your need to get out is almost life threatening. Don't let it be. Again, personal experience, but something I did (that is related, I promise) was to be arrogant on my current job search. I acted as if the job didn't matter to me, and that turned people off. My current job, I was almost too eager. In fact, the initial response was a no, due to my being too desperate to get it.

        Basically, don't act desperate. You're reviewing a potential employer. Use that interview to review them. Even if you are feeling "If they offer me a job, I'll jump on it so hard I'll break every bone it has", don't forget to review them. Ask them questions. Show them interest, but constrain it a bit.

        Finally, something else: Pick an area you wish to work in. Then go door to door on your days off. Print up copies of your resume, go visit the area, and go inside to meet people and find out if they have any unadvertised openings. You can be even more proactive by using online tools (like Google Maps) to get a list of businesses in the area, research them online, and then walk in to tell them why they could use your skills. Don't leave a place without a name and phone number to contact someone who could make a decision to hire you.

        That last one is the hardest. And probably the most disappointing, too, since it will be very hard to get any job, and you will constantly feel pushed out, and rejected. However, it's one of the ways to get into the unadvertised job market.

        You see, most jobs are not advertised. Look at it from the hiring manager's perspective: If a job is advertised, resumes will flood in (sometimes, over a thousand will be received within days). Those have to be sifted through to find a dozen or so candidates. Interviews scheduled. Rescheduled. Second round interviews if first round didn't get decisive enough. Backgrounds checked. Offers made. Negotiations done.

        You get the idea. Sometimes, it's better to go without the person than to go through that hassle. Now, for you, when you are responding to an ad, you are competing with the thousands of other people who have seen that ad and could respond to it. Add in that some companies will lie through their teeth in an ad (such as Dyslexic Schizophrenics, who has a habit of deliberately using the name of some nearby city/town, rather than the town they're in), and you're dealing with yet more issues.

        Walk in, though, and talk to people about their needs for people, and you're competing with two things: Yourself, and their needs. Nobody else to get in the way. No deceptive ads. If a fit is made, you're in. Could be way worth it for you.

        One other bit of advice: Find a way to get together about $200, and get a professional resume writer to write out your resume for you. I did, and the difference was staggering. I went from something that looked so-so to something that made me go "Holy crap! I'm worth way more than I thought!" That $200 will pay for itself many times over the first job you get with it. Personal anecdote again: The job I've got now is my highest paying job ever, and is also the first job I got with this resume. And by highest paying, I mean by over $15,000 USD.

        Final note: One thing about your second letter disturbed me, quite a bit, and that was the comment about the bottle of pills. I don't know how bad things really are for you, and/or if that comment was made somewhat tongue in cheek, but if you were serious, I want to leave you with one thought: If you did take that route, your bitch of a boss would have won, and would have broken you. I hope you won't ever give her the pleasure of knowing that she's won.

        I'm starting to ramble now, I think, so will post this finally. I hope this info can help somehow.

        Comment


        • #5
          I appreciate all of your advice, and your PM wasn't out of line at all.

          I was only half kidding when I mentioned the pills, unfortunately, although it's not just my job that has made me consider that more than a time or two. My life is relentlessly stressful and everyone's got their breaking point. This loathsome job is just part of it, although I'm getting through it all. Unhappily, but I'm getting through it.

          If this job doesn't pan out, just as none of the others have panned out, I'm seriously considering joining my friend up at the plastics factory on the assembly line, babysitting machinery for 12 hours a day. My resume has done nothing but collect dust at the staffing service where I applied over a month ago -- the same staffing service that got her that job at the plastics plant. I talked to the staffing service about things today and all they could tell me was that for one they just haven't had many openings for clerical and for another, the openings they have had call for very specific experience or disciplines that I don't have.

          I am very frustrated, and the start of another work week makes my guts churn. The current tally for my job search, which began in earnest last November is that I was not hired at a bookstore, was actually hired at a mental health provider but it went out of business immediately thereafter, was not hired at a doctor's office, and was not hired at a lawyer's office. I'm still right here at my low-pay, high stress, dead-end job, hating every second of it. It would give anyone a complex.
          Drive it like it's a county car.

          Comment


          • #6
            You're right, it would. I wish I could remember the name of this book that I had bought. Unfortunately, it's been lost in my move, and finding it is no easy chore. I will try to do so this weekend, though.

            Here's the part that will make it sound worse in some ways: According to this book (and my own experience) you will need to spend as much time per week hunting for your job as you would spend working at your job. In other words, for a 40 hours/week job, you will need to spend 40 hours/week finding it. While that is an over-estimate in many ways, you will need to set aside specific time each day to the job search.

            Furthermore, realize that the classified job search is a bullshit game. They expect your resume to be padded. They pad their requirements. For example, around 2000, it was very possible to read ads for senior Java developers with 10 years of experience with Java. Since Java was only invented in the early-mid 90's, it was impossible to meet their expectations.

            What I am trying to say here is that as you search for your job, look for a job that is even a remote fit. If you demand a perfect fit, you will never find a job. It's not there to have. What you need is a job that lists requirements that are in your league. To use the Java developer example, if you were a very experienced Java developer with only 5 years, you should apply.

            The logic behind it is this: For you to mail that in will cost you maybe a buck. In terms of your followup time later, you might spend another hour following up before a rejection would occur. You're out $1, and one hour. 39 hours to go this week on finding that new job.

            And yes, I did say rejection would occur. It is not at all uncommon for people to send out hundreds of resumes to get one job. Rejection will happen. The best response to that is to say "Well shit. That sucks. Who's next on my list?".

            Do yourself a favor: Within the next 24 hours, find a list of no less than 30 places who might even possibly have a place for you. And define place loosely. For instance, Monster can be two slots: First slot is a place to advertise that you're looking. Second slot is to find out what job you could take at their company.

            You're advertising that you're available. Make sure to do just that. You're telling companies to hire you. However, bluntly put, you're not telling enough of them. Of that list of 30, at least 15 need to be places that could possibly hire you, not just places to advertise that you're available.

            Actually, that could easily turn into a plan of action for you: Each week, Sunday, your job is to generate a list of prospects. You need to have 30 places to contact before you go to bed on Sunday night. Limit yourself in the following ways, though: At least 5 of them must not be places you found in the classifieds. Use the phone book to find companies. No more than 5 of them can be staffing agencies/online job sites.

            Monday through Friday is to be spent getting in contact with those places, and getting your resume in the hands of the hiring managers. Make sure you research enough online to find the right people to talk to.

            Saturday is your day off. You get to do anything in the world. Make sure to take advantage of it.

            As far as "baby-sitting the machines for 12 hours", that sounds like a slow descent into hell. And I don't mean for me, I mean for you. Phrasing it that way makes it sound like you'd be doing it as nothing more than a paycheck. That's an admirable reason to do it, but you run the risk of making yourself more miserable.

            Finally, that staffing agency: Some are good, some are bad. I had one that almost drove me out of the computer field entirely. They would call up, talk to me about a great job, say they were going to submit resume, and call back 15 minutes later: "Hey, we need you to know how to do XYZ. Do you?" Well, since it wasn't on resume, I had to answer no. So I got rejection after rejection after rejection. One day, I had this happen again, and it put me into a majorly bad funk for the whole day. I thought I was unhireable. That no company would want me to work on their computer systems. Then I realized it was them screwing up. I called them up, and told them to never again call me. Small argument ensued, but they have honored my request. They were a bad one.

            Since that one doesn't have any openings that match, care to guess what it actually means?

            Go ahead, guess. I'll wait.

            Simply put, it means that, for you, that staffing company sucks the sweat off a dead man's balls. It might be great for others. For you, though, they are not worth your time. Find others, and use them.

            I promise, the jobs are out there. They might not be easy to find, but they are out there. And you can do it. Hell, with that cover letter, you could consider working for a resume writing agency. They need quality writers, and if you wrote that on the spot, they need you. Apply to them too!

            Comment


            • #7
              I appreciate your tips. Thank you.
              Drive it like it's a county car.

              Comment


              • #8
                My cover letter email was apparently enough to grab their attention. They left a message on my cell phone while I was sleeping today asking me to come in for an interview. I go in Monday at 3pm. They're in a gorgeous old building downtown too, across the street from one of the two Subway restaurants in this part of North Carolina that still serve that seafood and crab mixture I'm addicted to. If I land this, talk about your plum jobs... Downtown, nice building, crab sandwiches. Life will be good.

                I also got a call from the staffing service. Freaky.
                Last edited by Antisocial_Worker; 10-04-2007, 07:13 PM.
                Drive it like it's a county car.

                Comment


                • #9
                  First of all, staffing services tend to suck. A few times when I was younger I went to temp agencies looking for work.

                  The total number of jobs they got me is actually LESS than the total number of famous movie stars I have danced with.

                  I have danced with one famous movie star.

                  Secondly, be prepared for this next job that called you back to fall through. I hope it doesn't, but you have to always hope for the best AND plan for the worst.

                  Quoth Pedersen View Post
                  Then go door to door on your days off.

                  That last one is the hardest. And probably the most disappointing, too, since it will be very hard to get any job, and you will constantly feel pushed out, and rejected.
                  This is something you should do if the job you are trying to get falls through. Yes, it will be horrible, but it will probably work to get you a job. It reminds me of a conversation I had with my cousin years ago, when he was in college and I was in high school. He was telling me about all these girls he was dating, and that he had a date with a different girl every night.

                  JESTER: "How do you manage THAT?"
                  COUSIN: "Every night, I start calling around, asking girls if they want to go out. If they say no, I move on to the next one. If they say yes, I have my date."
                  JESTER: "Dude, that seems pretty damn desperate."
                  COUSIN: "You know, my friends say that too. But I have a date every night of the week, and they don't."

                  I had new respect for my cousin that day.

                  And that philosophy is one you should use whenever you are job hunting. Use a shotgun approach. Shoot at as much as you can. You are bound to hit something!

                  "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                  Still A Customer."

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Oh, I'm prepared for this to fall through. They don't call me the anti-Pollyanna for nothing. At least it's a diversion though from sitting around in this hotel lobby wondering if this really is what hell is really like.
                    Drive it like it's a county car.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      The only remotely useful thing I can think of to offer is that "Dear sir or madam" makes it seem boilerplate, almost like you were sending it out without knowing who or what it was going to. Just "Dear sir" or "Dear sirs" would sound more professional, at least to my ears.
                      Random Doctor Who quote:
                      "I'm sorry about your coccyx, too, Miss Grant."

                      I has a gallery: deviantART gallery.
                      I also has a "funny" blog: Aqu Improves Her Craft

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Quoth aqutalion View Post
                        The only remotely useful thing I can think of to offer is that "Dear sir or madam" makes it seem boilerplate, almost like you were sending it out without knowing who or what it was going to. Just "Dear sir" or "Dear sirs" would sound more professional, at least to my ears.
                        The problem was that the job ad provided an email address to send resumes and cover letters and that was all. The email address just had a first initial and a last name @ company. It was a good thing that I did word it the way I did, because the person who was receiving the resumes by email turned out to be a woman.
                        Drive it like it's a county car.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Quoth aqutalion View Post
                          The only remotely useful thing I can think of to offer is that "Dear sir or madam" makes it seem boilerplate, almost like you were sending it out without knowing who or what it was going to. Just "Dear sir" or "Dear sirs" would sound more professional, at least to my ears.
                          I once received the advice of skipping that whole issue by using "To whom it may concern" if I couldn't find the person's name who'd be responsible for reading it. Though frankly, I dunno if that's much better...

                          And congrats on the interview HH! Obviously now, that was a pretty darn good letter
                          Ba'al: I'm a god. Gods are all-knowing.

                          http://unrelatedcaptions.com/45147

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thanks for your compliments.

                            I think I'll go ahead and get the panic out of the way already. I looked over the job posting on their website again today and noticed that it says the best applicants will know PowerPoint, Word, and something else inside and out, and I don't. I haven't had to used PowerPoint since I was in college and as far as Word goes, all I know how to do is write something and usually have it come out in legible paragraphs. Although, with WordPerfect 10, that can be a stretch sometimes as WordPerfect 10 loves to insert weird code in that you can't get rid of.

                            I'm also nervous about my appearance, although I'll dress up and put on a tie and everything. I have long hair though, and despite the fact that Asheville, where this job is located is a crunchy, live-and-let-live kind of place, professional jobs call for professional appearances. I hope it will be enough that I'll openly express my willingness to cut my hair if they need me to, but at the moment I can't afford that kind of haircut.

                            Pardon me while I freak out.
                            Drive it like it's a county car.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Haunted,

                              Just remember, even with long hair there ARE ways to make yourself look professional. Long hair or short hair, there are ways to do it up nicely.

                              How you do it will depend on your own hair and skills with it.

                              "The Customer Is Always Right...But The Bartender Decides Who Is
                              Still A Customer."

                              Comment

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