Alright, so about three weeks ago, I go up to Target and fill out an application. Now if you've never filled out an application at Target, they have these nifty little computers near customer service where you fill everything out and submit it. So I fill everything in, answer their inane little "quiz" questions (A coworker is refusing to do their job, what do you do? A) Beat them within an inch of their life, B) Do their work for them, or C) Tattle on them to your manager!) - you know the bull-honkey.
Later that week my boyfriend answers the ringing phone and, giving me a confused look, hands it to me. For the sake of this exercise, let's say my name is Mary Jane Smith, ok? (Just a note: my real last name is very German and rare, and I have NEVER seen it, or anything resembling it, as a first name.)
Target Drone: "Hi, is this umm… Jane Smith?" (apparently she had asked my boyfriend if “Smith Jane Smith” was available)
Me: "Yeah, it's Mary Smith, hi."
TD: "Blah, blah, blah, can you come in for an interview?"
Me: "Sure, yeah, awesome."
So I go in for an interview (where I am the only well-dressed person there, everyone else is wearing baggy jeans and sweat shirts, and I was also only one of three (out of about ten people total) who spoke English), and end up waiting an hour before my name is even called.
Awesome.
So I go and interview, doing those stupid "Behavioral Style Interview Questions." But I put on a big smile and answer everything to the best of my ability (and what I think they want to hear). Then the interviewer gives me my application to look over and verify. And where ever my name is written it comes out at "Smith Jane Smith." So I go through, cross out the first "Smith" and put "Mary" there, and point this out to the interviewer, who says, "Oh! We'll get that fixed!"
Alright, cool. So we finish, I go back out and wait for my second interview. Basically get asked more inane questions, and get offered a job as cashier. Woohoo! So they give me paperwork to do a drug test and tell me they're going to run a background check on me. Alright, no problem, I'm a good girl, so I've got no problem with that. Go, get my drug test done, all is well.
This was Tuesday.
On Friday, I get a call (right before I'm going out to dinner with my boyfriend, no less), that my background check "did not go through" so I have to call the bg check place.
What?! What does that mean?!
Dinner gets postponed as I frantically dial the bg check place.
And get placed on hold...
For twenty minutes...
When someone finally gets on the phone, I give them all my info, and they tell me my social security number cannot be verified. What?! I immediately start thinking that my identity has been stolen. The lady says I have to fax them a copy of my social security card and my driver's license. Unfortunately, they close at 6, and it's 5:55 now. So I have to wait until Monday.
So Monday rolls around, I run up to Kinko's at 8:00am and fax out the copies of my cards, calling the bg check place to assure that they received the fax.
They did. All is well with the world.
The next day, I call Target. They haven't received it yet. They say it takes 24-48 hours to get them. Alright, I'm fine with that. I wait for them to call me back.
The week ends with no call.
So today (Monday, nearly three weeks AFTER my interview and job offer), I call Target. Still no bg check. I call the bg check place, after waiting nearly 45 minutes total and getting transferred no less than three times, I finally reach someone who can help me.
And what does she tell me?
THAT MY NAME WAS SUBMITTED AS "SMITH JANE SMITH" AND THEREFORE THEY CANNOT RUN A BACKGROUND CHECK UNTIL TARGET SUBMITS THE RIGHT F*@!ING NAME!!
So, I call Target back. Someone pulls up my application and says, "Well you submitted your name as 'Smith Jane Smith' so that's what we sent out."
I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure I know my own name and that it was your computer that fugged up, and I'm pretty sure I TOLD YOU that it needed to be fixed! So the lady verifies my birthday and SSN# and says she resubmitted it.
So I ask, "So my name is Mary Smith in the system now?"
"Oh...No...Umm...Let me call you back."
ARRRRGGGGG!!!1!!eleventy!!!!11!
*throws rocks at Target Drone*
So FINALLY, I get a call back, with them actually asking for "Mary Smith" and she said that all was well now, and that they should be getting the bg check later today or tomorrow.
I'll let you know what happens whenever they may call back...
Later that week my boyfriend answers the ringing phone and, giving me a confused look, hands it to me. For the sake of this exercise, let's say my name is Mary Jane Smith, ok? (Just a note: my real last name is very German and rare, and I have NEVER seen it, or anything resembling it, as a first name.)
Target Drone: "Hi, is this umm… Jane Smith?" (apparently she had asked my boyfriend if “Smith Jane Smith” was available)
Me: "Yeah, it's Mary Smith, hi."
TD: "Blah, blah, blah, can you come in for an interview?"
Me: "Sure, yeah, awesome."
So I go in for an interview (where I am the only well-dressed person there, everyone else is wearing baggy jeans and sweat shirts, and I was also only one of three (out of about ten people total) who spoke English), and end up waiting an hour before my name is even called.
Awesome.
So I go and interview, doing those stupid "Behavioral Style Interview Questions." But I put on a big smile and answer everything to the best of my ability (and what I think they want to hear). Then the interviewer gives me my application to look over and verify. And where ever my name is written it comes out at "Smith Jane Smith." So I go through, cross out the first "Smith" and put "Mary" there, and point this out to the interviewer, who says, "Oh! We'll get that fixed!"
Alright, cool. So we finish, I go back out and wait for my second interview. Basically get asked more inane questions, and get offered a job as cashier. Woohoo! So they give me paperwork to do a drug test and tell me they're going to run a background check on me. Alright, no problem, I'm a good girl, so I've got no problem with that. Go, get my drug test done, all is well.
This was Tuesday.
On Friday, I get a call (right before I'm going out to dinner with my boyfriend, no less), that my background check "did not go through" so I have to call the bg check place.
What?! What does that mean?!
Dinner gets postponed as I frantically dial the bg check place.
And get placed on hold...
For twenty minutes...
When someone finally gets on the phone, I give them all my info, and they tell me my social security number cannot be verified. What?! I immediately start thinking that my identity has been stolen. The lady says I have to fax them a copy of my social security card and my driver's license. Unfortunately, they close at 6, and it's 5:55 now. So I have to wait until Monday.
So Monday rolls around, I run up to Kinko's at 8:00am and fax out the copies of my cards, calling the bg check place to assure that they received the fax.
They did. All is well with the world.
The next day, I call Target. They haven't received it yet. They say it takes 24-48 hours to get them. Alright, I'm fine with that. I wait for them to call me back.
The week ends with no call.
So today (Monday, nearly three weeks AFTER my interview and job offer), I call Target. Still no bg check. I call the bg check place, after waiting nearly 45 minutes total and getting transferred no less than three times, I finally reach someone who can help me.
And what does she tell me?
THAT MY NAME WAS SUBMITTED AS "SMITH JANE SMITH" AND THEREFORE THEY CANNOT RUN A BACKGROUND CHECK UNTIL TARGET SUBMITS THE RIGHT F*@!ING NAME!!
So, I call Target back. Someone pulls up my application and says, "Well you submitted your name as 'Smith Jane Smith' so that's what we sent out."
I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure I know my own name and that it was your computer that fugged up, and I'm pretty sure I TOLD YOU that it needed to be fixed! So the lady verifies my birthday and SSN# and says she resubmitted it.
So I ask, "So my name is Mary Smith in the system now?"
"Oh...No...Umm...Let me call you back."
ARRRRGGGGG!!!1!!eleventy!!!!11!
*throws rocks at Target Drone*
So FINALLY, I get a call back, with them actually asking for "Mary Smith" and she said that all was well now, and that they should be getting the bg check later today or tomorrow.
I'll let you know what happens whenever they may call back...
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