I'm still waiting for my bribes

[smileyeagle1021]

Yet another month has come to an end and I've yet to receive any of the dirty money that the conspiracy theorists on Twitter say that everyone that I work with receive. I still haven't been indoctrinated into either an Islamic cult or a Mormon cult. I haven't even been wined and dined.
I wish my life were as interesting as the crazies on Twitter think it is.

[Ironclad Alibi]

I am proud to say that in my 35½ years of government service I never accepted a bribe. But, I was never offered a bribe.

[smileyeagle1021]

But, I was never offered a bribe.

Same.
At this point I'm slightly insulted that no one has offered a bribe.

[Kristev]

Humans will believe anything as long as it's not true. I don't get it with humans.