Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Jak_O_Lantern]

Thou shalt not...
Ask a customer for an autograph...
no matter how much they look like Chuck Norris.

Use paper airplanes to pass messages to other cashiers...
or to play tic-tac-toe.

Inform customers that they can not find an item they are looking for because it has, in fact, been moved to a store in a nearby dimension.

This one happened to another co-worker.
Use your phone while on the clock...
not even to send a text message...
while waiting for a receipt to print...
for the owner's wife's order!

[Bella_Vixen]

Thou shalt not...
Ask a customer for an autograph...

I ALWAYS ask for autographs...when customers are about to sign the CC receipts.

[Dria]

Not allowed to wield a peanut-butter coated spatula, crouch down to midget height, and chase E around. (When it's busy, at least. When it's slow, this is prime entertainment.)

[Jak_O_Lantern]

I ALWAYS ask for autographs...when customers are about to sign the CC receipts.

touche'.

here's another one for you, it is generally considered inappropriate in polite company, or while behind the milk rack to pop your head out and moan "...brains..." near passing children.

[GingerBiscuit]

It's inappropriate to teach my coworkers the zombie tag game.

And, from a story a work mate told me- a friend of hers worked at a supermarket. They had quite large hollow kickstools to get up to the very high shelves.

It is not appropriate to crouch on the floor, pull one over your head and wander around pretending to be a Dalek.

[Teysa]

I am not allowed to smack the customers upside the head with the salmon no matter how much they deserve it.

[edible_hat]

After reading the entire thread...

- If the chair in the back office is broken, take it out to the dumpster. Don't leave it there for the boss to sit in later when he forgets it is broken. Even if it is funny to hear the giant CRASH! then the sound of him cursing later on from the front of the office.

That reminds me of a family reunion a couple of years ago... some of us were staying with one of my cousins. When showing us around the place, he said "I forget which of these chairs is the broken one" just before sitting on said broken chair. The chair collapsed in such a way that he went face-first into the wall.

-answering customer's questions in American Sign Language is not okay.

Unless of course they're deaf. My boss was excited to see Auslan (Australian sign language) on my CV, aparently there's a semi-regular customer who's deaf.

Got busted for that today...Apparently, young college students that are applying for jobs as "network security" types get kind of whiny when you send out spam e-mails about them loving cheese....

I used to find that kind of thing a lot at uni, I'd send people messages from their own email address reminding them to log out.


And a couple of contributions:
-I should not make nametags that say Ahatdis Fakeenjob or Awilbe Fayed (say them out loud).
-Also, no encouraging co-workers to make tags that say Satan or Yoda.
-stop writing "do you like pants?" in the site diary every week. (a co-worker did this, we never figured out who)
-stop drinking the cleaning products (written in the diary one day, possibly related to the above)
-not allowed to self-administer first aid if there are customers in the store. (who cares if you get burnt when there are people waiting for hot food?)
-not allowed to charge "five hundred cents" for a $5 sale. Even though they're the same amount of money.
-don't race the floor buffer against the pallet jack.
-also a friend of mine who works as a chef is not allowed to ask the apprentices to crumb peas.

[reformedwaitress]

I am not allowed to tell people they are idiotic entitlement whores.

Even if they come in at 3:00 on a Saturday afternoon and expect us to have openings for every possible spa treatment right then.

Even if they fuss at me because we shuold just know they wanted to come in and should have held appointments.

Even if they called and we told them we didn't have any openings and then they came in because of course we must have been lying on the phone.

Even when they call me a b*tch and incompetent.

.........I am not allowed to kill people.

[edible_hat]

Another one a co-worker thought up today... it's probably not a good idea to refer to the 10% ethanol fuel as "alcohol", and especially not a good idea to dare customers to drink it.

[Tithera]

it is generally considered inappropriate in polite company, or while behind the milk rack to pop your head out and moan "...brains..." near passing children.

Although very funny (must try that at school during lunch), I do believe you are right, it is not good to do, especially since Resident Evil Extinction just came out. (hehe)

When cleaning the K of C Hall:

-am not allowed to challenge fellow cleaners to "table raisers" races

-am not allowed to touch alcohol that is "locked" away

-even when the other cleaners have keys

-and the cabinet itself is easily pulled open

-am not allowed to point and laugh at local cops because I am legally able to be out passed curfew

-cannot play with the bands pretty and expense toys

-even if they leave them out where anyone can touch them

-and they're too drunk to notice

At Festival: (our school/church has a festival every year and I have worked it 3 years now and must share with you the mindlessness of it all)

-am not allowed to come dressed as a pirate and proclaim "I fight ye for this booty" when working Treasure Island (prize booth)

-am not allowed to pull the drawers back on the Fish Pnd when the kids still have their hands in them

-even if they have already shoved the drawers back at you when their prize has not shown up

-am also not allowed to toss coins over the top of the Fish Pond at stupid jr high kids that think a penny is really a nickel.

-even when they toss them at you first

-the Cake Booth is not the Karoke booth, so please don't sing White Rabbit or Go Ask Alice while working it

-the Animal Parade may look easy, but when you've spent $20 in 5 minutes, you know you have a gambling problem (basically tip tickets with numbers that are highlighted, and you win a stuffed animal. Highly addictive game.)

-you may not taunt your teachers or fellow students with prices they have picked while working Treasure Island

-nor may you not toss said prize at them and yell "heads up!"

-espcially is said prize is more than 2 ft tall and 2lbs or more in weight or made of any kind of hard plastic or metal

-may not stick fingers in cakes when working the cake booth or the cake receiving room, even if it is the one your mom baked.

-though treatening underclassmen with their lives is fun, you may not, under any circumstance, make them walk the plank on Treasure Island for winning you a chocolate cake with vanilla frosting instead of the chocolate cake with chocolate forsting you requested

-even if the whole festival finds it entertaining

-may not spend "pirated game funds" on the poker game

-even if you win it all back 3 fold

- I said no, the money is for charity man, get away from the poker booth, now!

At the resturant:

-may not sing from the back "Everbody's Working for the Weekend" at the top of your lungs

-especially since we only work weekends as it is

-may not confiscate customers soup spoons after the third "this soup isn't hot enough" complaint

-may not make the customers walk the plank from the fire escape when the spoon is returned and they still complain

-may not quote "Go Ask Alice" lyrics to customers that just walked in

-even if it's your teacher/coach

-and he knows the song and sings along

-may not call co-worker a "dryed out poopy head that sucks pickles"

-even if he is one *pouts*

-no pouting

[AKWalMartCartGuy]

I typed this up and my POS laptop did something right before i hit backspace, so it hit the back button and I lost it, so let me see if i can remember them

not allowed to race the pallet jacks down "the hill" caused by our parking lot slanting for drainage

even to smite the company for making the hill friggin steep

not allowed to crush the co manager's head

even if he thinks 50 carts is plenty for our GC door (they put 70-80 into the store at the same time at noon on sundays)

and thinks the best temporary storage place for a scissor lift is THE CART BAY!

and doesn't respect anyone(even assistant managers)

ditto for the demon woman people greeter

even if she constantly whines about how she can't put a baby in a wet cart(I think it may have a shot at surviving, but a wet ass, that's pretty extreme)

and all I had to say to get her to STFU about how i'm going to get a cold pushing carts in that weather was tell her that I wouldn't call in(great to know she cares about me LOL)

they won't even let me crush the head of the demon cashier, who has had customers complain about her being rude several times

even though she thinks women can't do carry outs, even on light things. I wonder what she thought about our department manager of furniture being female and helping me on carry outs numerous times

even when she yells at me for *gasp* filling up the cart bay at our main door one morning(I used to work 8-12 m-f which was pretty kick ass and we were allowed to line up a few extras in front of the store, so I could fill it up in the morning)

when asked "can I have one of these(carts)" the best response is probably not "no bitch, get your own"

when asked "why'd you hit my muu fuckin truck?" the best response is probably not "why'd you run my muu fuckin stop sign?"

even though my assistant manager would probably have to hurry the customer out of the office so she could shut the door and laugh

I kinda got lucky on that one, I laughed at her, I said "you ran the stop sign, I couldn't stop" but the laughing may have been unprofessional

I can't sing "Move Bitch" by 3 6 Mafia and Ludacris

or any other song by 3 6 Mafia or Ludacris

even if the bitch does, in fact, need to move

when asked "where's Wal Mart?" I probably shouldn't send them down the road and tell them to just keep going, they can't miss it or direct them to the competition

or the local sporting goods store to get some hockey pads

I'm also not allowed to throw people out of the store

even if they're just going to hurt themselves out of stupidity and sue

I haven't done any of those, but damn i've wanted to

[MinimaMagistra]

From the coffee shop:
-Not allowed to refuse caffinated drinks to a person on the grounds that it would make them "unbearably annoying"

-Do not refer to a customer's requested extra-hot drink as "lava java".

-When asked how many grams of fat are in a given pastry, a responsible employee does not respond with "too damn many."

-Nor "Fuck if I know."

-The samples are for the customers.

-I AM allowed to pretend to be my female coworker's girlfriend in order to get rid of an overly amorous customer. I am allowed only because Management laughed a lot.

-Whipped cream wars are to be kept strictly between the lower level employees.

-MODs are only to be involved if they started it. If store managers are involves, stern looks WILL be issued all around.

-No cross-words on duty. Even on a slow day.

-Asking customers for the crossword answers one didn't get is only a good idea if one is not caught.

-DO NOT SING the incredibly offensive WWII song one just learned from a coworker.




From the Hotel
-Not allowed to hook up a PS2 to the lobby television in order to watch movies.

-Especially not Psycho.

-Please do not leave the lobby TV on the channel showing Girls Gone Wild.

-Refrain from laughing at customers until they're fully out of the lobby.

-It is never proper to answer a guest's protests about a room deposit by citing any reason involving beer residue, drug paraphenalia, or bodily fluids of any kind.

-One may only dance to the music when guests are not present.

-Do not flash or shake one's fanny for the security cameras.

-Training the new employee is NOT an opportunity to nap.

-Using the black permanent marker to color in the scuff marks in your boots makes the area smell like adolescent delinquence for hours afterwards.

-Do not demand a reward for not telling the incredibly-sure-of-his-entitlement customer that the young man working on the ceiling is the owner, not the handyman. Said reward will not come.

-It is unprofessional to give a customer the finger, though delicately hidden behind the counter. It may be hidden from the customer, but the security cameras see all.

[Becks]

While I am allowed to occasionally wear fancy toothpicks in my cap, I really shouldn't tell customers it's to keep my brain in place.

[edible_hat]

Inspired by something that happened today:

I am not allowed to challenge customers to belching contests. If a belching contest starts anyway, I should let the customer win.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

• When the song "Physical" by Olivia Newton John comes on the PA, and she gets to the part where she sings "Let me hear your body talk," I am not allowed to say "Okay!" and cut the biggest fart I possibly can.
• Even though my coworkers found it life-threateningly funny.
• And started imitating me.