Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[edible_hat]

Apparently, there's some policy that says we can't swear at work. I mean, I know it's unprofessional, but damn!

Does that include swearing in foreign languages?

[Mr. Security]

I'm not allowed to dump a bucket of "toilet water" on passed out drunks

I'm not allowed to pose passed out drunks in funny positions and take pictures

I'm not allowed to put random wrestling holds on passed out drunks

I'm not allowed to piss on passed out drunks

I'm not allowed to stack passed out drunks on top of each other

I'm still not allowed to piss on passed out drunks

I'm not allowed to stage steal cage death matches between the drunks for a bottle of Mouthwash

and Crapping on them is definitely a no no

[crazylegs]

I am not allowed to suggest a celebrity style Death Match Competition for various crims.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

Does that include swearing in foreign languages?

Only if someone understands it.

That means Russian and Bulgarian are out.

[JoitheArtist]

Only if someone understands it.

That means Russian and Bulgarian are out.

Huttese. It's the perfect language for swearing: intimidating, gutteral, and no-one will have a clue what you're saying.

[jedimaster91]

Huttese. It's the perfect language for swearing: intimidating, gutteral, and no-one will have a clue what you're saying.

WIN!!!!

[edible_hat]

Only if someone understands it.

That means Russian and Bulgarian are out.

Well that's a fungula then...

(BTW when a former co-worker found out what fungula actually means, she was shocked. It was her son's nickname for her.)

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

Not allowed to put Post-It notes on cars that park in the Director's space.

But I do it anyway.

Turns out, I AM allowed to do this. I mentioned it to Cola who was showing the New Guy where we're allowed to park, and she High Fived me for it.

[NateTheChops]

I am not allowed to ask customers purchasing alcohol if I can "have a sip".

I cannot tell an overweight customer that she looks like Wilson Phillips. (Even if it was meant to be a compliment)

[crazylegs]

I must not chase cows.

[Andrew B.]

I must not chase cows.

I'm betting there's a story with this one, and I'm betting that I want to hear it.

[fireheart]

I'm betting there's a story with this one, and I'm betting that I want to hear it.

Seconded!

Also...

-My manager's butt is NOT hypnotic. (manager is male)
-When closing the doors at the end of the night, but leaving one open for liquor, use the liquor boy's height, NOT your own. (one is about 5'6", the other two are around 6'1", 6'3", I'm about 5'8")
-Pretending to drop the cash drawers is not funny.
-I am not allowed to walk past the meat department and make mooing noises.
-My friend in meat is not to be known as Igor.
-Jokes about the seafood department smelling like fish are inappropriate (think within the gutter for those-and to add further info, the manager of that area is female and there's one other girl, along with three other males)
-It is inappropriate to quote from CS.com on the floor.
-Charlie The Unicorn references are not funny.
-I am not allowed to sing "The Doom Song." while on the clock.
-Nor "Bananaphone."
-I am not allowed to act like a gospel priest (i.e. "Can I get an amen people?")
-I am not allowed to flirt with the nightfillers.
-I am not allowed to refer to one of the nightfill/grocery staff as "monkey." (from the expression "Spank your monkey, not your keyboard")
-Comparing my coworkers to animals is not funny.
-Shouting "CIRCUS!" to the butchers across the way is not funny.
-I am not allowed to throw stuff between the checkouts.

[Becks]

-Charlie The Unicorn references are not funny.

Says who?!?!?

[fireheart]

Says who?!?!?

Nobody specifically, just my customers don't get it. I usually get looks when I do. I must admit, when I first saw it, I then realised what was meant by the "shun the unbeliever! shuuuuun!" bit.

[Becks]

It's all so clear to me now.