Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[fireheart]

The office supplies are not my minions.
The staple remover is not a Chompy Bulldog Monster.
The Bulldog Monster may not nom on staples.

The mental image of these is hilarious.

[purple]

No jumping round the kitchen singing the theme to sesame street or we’re off to see the wizard.
No songs from barney ever
Am not allowed to push manger out the drive through window
Head office will notice if we close the store on the first sunny day since winter so we can go to the beach
No xmas songs in july
We can’t increase the temp on the vats 4 fold to cook the fries faster
Purple is not allowed chicken knives, box cutters or scissors even if they are for work purposes
No giving the most hyper active and annoying person energy shots
No mentioning that a hated customer hasn’t come in that day (he came in 4 times the next day)

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to wear my devil horns to work.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

You know those funny-looking salad plates in the backroom?

The ones that are shaped like a rooster?

They are, from now on, to be referred to as salad plates in the shape of a rooster, not salad plates in the shape of a cock.

[fireheart]

It is inappropriate for me, at any time, to suggest that the parcel pickup area is being used as a makeout point.

When you're not serving, you're meant to be standing outside your checkout to shepherd customers in. No, you cannot start dancing. No, you cannot start singing. No, you cannot flirt with your male coworkers.

It is inappropriate to start juggling the confectionary.

I can, however, refuse service to people who choose to make stupid random comments at me while I'm serving someone. (and generally being annoying)

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

The mental image of these is hilarious.

Offices are boring. I make my own fun.

Course, at my NEW office, the staple remover can be a Chompy Bulldog Monster if I want it to be.

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to think about what I can do with the customers purchases

I am not allowed to start singing Skyhooks songs on the clock.

[Captain Trips]

I am not allowed to say "I'm not allowed to do that" to the person who determined that I'm not allowed to do that.

Yeah, he took it to upper management that help desk is not allowed to work on remote servers, and told me to do so. I reminded him that I'm not allowed to do that, and I caught the flack for refusing to do something I have explicitly been told I am not allowed to do!

I've got to get out of this madhouse. Anyone know someone who needs a trained voice-over artist? I'll gladly send you my web site address with my demos. (I'm trying to change careers, and am actually rather good in front of a microphone!)

[fireheart]

I'm not allowed to speak like a pirate on talk like a pirate day.
I am not allowed to do any of the things Irv mentioned in his Smurf post.
I am not allowed to swear at customers in French. even if it's not a legitimate insult. (it's amazing how offensive Monty Python quotes can sound in French.)
I cannot ask the Jewish guy at work to teach me how to swear in Hebrew. Or Yiddish.

[ArenaBoy]

You're not Brad Pitt from Snatch so stop talking like that.

Quit singing. You're scaring the interns.

Interns are there to help you with your story.

They are not there to get you coffee, tea, water, lunch, breakfast, or dinner.

Stereo wars are not allowed.

Your name is not Mentok the Mind Taker so stop making those noises. Boo-weeahhh-oooo.

Nor is your name Phil Ken Sebben. So stop saying "Ha Ha" all the damn time.

No office pools on when the managing editor and photo editor will hook up.

You are not stacking beer in the fridge. Even if the editor in chief approves of the idea.

[Bella_Vixen]

No longer allowed to call NMOD Johnny Cash...at least in front of the new hires.

Actually, he's been cranky about it since:

1. Becks and I called him that in front of some local news anchor who is NMOD's idol...and the anchor guy laughed.

2. Another coworker also called him Johnny Cash, and NMOD intially thought I put him up to it. Not true. It was hilarious though.


Seriously, dude. If you don't want to be called that, stop with the black shirt, tie, pants and shoes combo. I know the black pants are required, but otherwise, you bring it on yourself.

He's now claiming that we'll be written up for insubordination if we do it in front of the new hires.

[fireheart]

Whenever comes calls for a "cleanup to aisle 5" I am not allowed to start giggling hysterically

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

• For the last time, leather pants aren't allowed under the company's dress code.
• Neither are assless chaps
• So quit asking already!
• The white ghost decoration hanging from the ceiling over in Seasonal does not resemble a penis in any way
• As part of our United Way campaign, sports team apparel can be worn on weekends if you make a $1 contribution. However, the following shirts are not acceptable for this fundraiser:
  • "We'll Never Forget You, Brent" (with a picture of Brett Favre on it).
  • "Bucky"
  • "Jump Around" (this and the above in reference to the University of Wisconsin)
  • "Wisconsin--Smell Our Dairy Air"
  • "Wisconsin--Illinois is Beneath Us"
  • "F the Cubs"
  • Any of those "Go Pack Go!" t-shirts featuring Calvin pissing on the logo of a rival NFL team.

[fireheart]

[*]The white ghost decoration hanging from the ceiling over in Seasonal does not resemble a penis in any way

Since you DID show us the kissing penises

[Boggles]

I cannot tell the sales reps we might be getting an alcohol license in order to get free samples.

The radio is not a karaoke machine.

When asked, the boss is out to lunch. He is not "wasting away again in Margaritaville"

Singing country songs at work is a bad thing.
As is dancing.
Especially line dancing.
regardless of how many customers I can get to join in.