Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Kristev]

Have any sign of self-respect or self-definition.

[crazylegs]

I'm not allowed to suggest to the boss that he gets out and uses a bike...

[fireheart]

Even though it is epic and funny, I am not allowed to recite the Old Spice commercial at work.

[Mytical]

Use the word Patrol. That is hint at, let anybody know that, or otherwise mention the word at all. When somebody asks me what I am doing walking around..I guess I am supposed to say "I can't answer that."

Reply "I am doing great, how are you today?!" when asked how I am. No..seriously..I was told this.

Let my vehicle warm up to do my vehicle patrol, frost on windows or not.

[geek007]

Throw a party celebrating my lying sack of shit arrogant as all hell dumber then a box of rocks inconsiderate slut puppy former AGM's termination and not invite my vulcan awesome GM.

Welcome my amazing new AGM who's downright awesome and has everyone worshipping the ground she walks on with a vodka and hot tub party.

[lobo94]

Practice black magic.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Not allowed to close the store down early, herd all the customers out, and sneak in booze and wild men to celebrate the demotion of a detested store manager.

Speaking of that store manager, I guess I'm not allowed to lock HIM into a store - by himself - that's not opened yet while it's still dark out with NO keys or alarm codes, much less the phone number for the corporate department that handles the store alarms.

[fireheart]

I am not allowed to:

-have the Easter Bunny Of Doom(*) on my register to annoy coworkers.
-to go UP to coworkers with said bunny and go "HUG ME" in a deep growly voice.
-to rip out the speaker unit in the back of said bunny and rig it up so that it starts singing whenever someone walks past.
-to throw it into the baler.
-Set it on fire.

(*) We just got some plush Easter Bunnies in stock. These ones however, SING. As for the voice, picture Justin Bieber as if he was 2 years old. Now make his voice about five times higher and that is the Easter Bunny of Doom. The song is irritating.

[redleg]

i am not allowed to use work computers to find sources for parts and upgrades for my death ray as it scares my boss
i am not allowed to call my subordinates "minions"
i am not allowed to mention my nemesis
i am not allowed to use the work computers to find a source for kryptonite

[fireheart]

Funnily enough, the groceries manager hasn't been told off for adding that he'll "release the hounds" over the PA system.

[Falor]

Funnily enough, the groceries manager hasn't been told off for adding that he'll "release the hounds" over the PA system.

That's because everyone in Grocery Retail knows that Grocery Managers are their own kind of "special."

[redleg]

carnival:
i am not allowed to strangle idiot parents
don't inflate the bounce slide with it aimed at a tree
don't randomly stop and start the ferris wheel
i am not allowed to upgrade the tilt-a-whirl
i am not allowed to use the bounce rides during work
i am not allowed to use the bounce rides after work
i am certainly not allowed to use the bounce rides with the bosses daughter

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Stop writing "Do Not Want" on boxes off the truck filled with things I...do not want.

[fireheart]

Funnily enough, if semi-awesome 2IC is around, she has no problem with me turning my receipt printer into a monster.

[Syriilord]

I am not allowed to sing Japanese Pop songs.

I'm a 6' 3" guy with a deep voice. Something about combining those three traits with cheerful, bubbly songs in a foreign language is apparently creepy as hell.

Or maybe it's the fact that I can sing in Japanese without ever having learned the language...