Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Not allowed to carry around a bouquet of plastic memorial flowers as my "make the presentation supervisor go away free" card.

When presentation supervisor chews me out about overfilling for the 56,389th time, even though I didn't do it, do not thrust out a bouquet of memorial flowers in her face and hiss.

Backstory: Presentation supervisor is deathly afraid of plastic memorial flowers for some reason. It probably has nothing to do with death, since she has said she can go to the gravesites of deceased relatives with no problem. The flowers just freak her out for some reason. When the flowers come in every spring for Memorial Day, she refuses to put them out on the floor, and when they are put out she goes out of her way to avoid walking down that aisle.

I'd never actually do this, because it is a very dicktacular thing to do. But at least I know the evil part of my brain is still firing.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

This one is from my baby sister (this is back from her day care center days)

I can't put a sign on my classroom door that reads: Welcome To Tardis.

[fireheart]

That's because everyone in Grocery Retail knows that Grocery Managers are their own kind of "special."

Actually we encouraged him on this one. And there was barely anyone in the store.

[Moirae]

roflmao. Oh my god. I can't keep a straight face, I'm laughing so hard that my eyes are tearing up. And I'm sitting here at work desperately trying to stay quiet.

[fireheart]

Medieval Fair Edition 2011:

-Not allowed to have music playing at 2am.
-Unless it's The Lumberjack Song.
-Not allowed to joke about how much the SCA sucks when it comes to combat.
-Or where the SCA get their sticks from.
-Do NOT scream "OH YES YOU DID" from the campsite where you can somewhat view the Punch and Judy show going on. (it scared the crap out of me when they did it)
-The folk singer near us was not talking about sucking certain body parts.
-Or how much the fair sucked. (that's what it sounded like from where we are)
-Wiggling the butt is considered to be an authentic medieval dance.
-Not allowed to laugh when a certain member of the other group whacks himself in the balls with his own maille. (Hint...he's on the forum )
-Pants ARE optional at the end of the day.
-The oatcakes are not chicken burgers. (that is what they looked like-seriously)
-We are not brewing potions to kill the other groups.
-The drinking horns are not "medieval codpieces".
-Nor are they "Viking chastity belts".
-Hrafndyr does not sound like "Crappin deer". (that's how our commentator pronounced it).
-Not allowed to buy the king from Blue Company.
-Even for 5c.
-Do not use the ear scoop as a torture device.
-Not allowed to kick people after they've grabbed me from behind.
-No poking the spears into the canopies so that water comes flooding down on people.
-Our combat folk are not allowed to make babies cry

Hrafndyr is the Viking name of one of our members. All the combatants have them, as do some of the female members. For instance, we have Manfred, Thorgrim, Snorri The Bear, Yngwie, etc.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Communicate like a damn human being already.

For example, when you're bringing broken glass items to the service desk to be defected out and you want to leave a note to the people there to be careful, a simple "Careful--broken glass" is fine.

But not "Plz don't cut urself kthnxbai."

What are you, a dork? Well, yes.

[TawnyMyst]

No longer allowed to tell the manager on duty in another department to "Blow Me" or to "remove the stick from his ass" when he's interfering with my duties and throwing a hissy fit about how something wasn't done his way. Even though my boss agreed with me.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

This one popped into my head the other day when I saw Nature Boy taking a pallet of fireworks out to the salesfloor:

No playing with fireworks inside the store.

I doubt Corporate would get the same kind of bang out of it we would.

[Racket_Man]

This one popped into my head the other day when I saw Nature Boy taking a pallet of fireworks out to the salesfloor:

No playing with fireworks inside the store.

I doubt Corporate would get the same kind of bang out of it we would.

oh it would be so fun to shoot bottle rockets or Roman candles at EWs and SCs.

yes yes I know just a fantasy

[scroob]

I am not allowed to create nicknames for certain parts of the store.
We are not allowed to liberate "african-american christian major december holiday symbols" and leave them sitting at our manager's desk to scare the hell out of the sales director at 8 in the morning the next day.
We are, however, allowed to leave it standing on the top of our dumpster to greet anyone coming into the parking lot (we put it in the dumpster, have no idea who stood it up on top of the dumpster)

[lobo94]

Plot to take over the world.

[scroob]

I am not allowed to get offended or pissed when my "new guy" moniker is refused to be dropped, by my request, after 2 new people have been hired.
Not allowed to send the trainees to get eaten by rabid dogs.
Not allowed to invent my own nickname to circumvent "new guy" moniker
Not allowed to laugh at a joke made by someone on their "observation day" against one of our new guys. (to be fair I also defended him saying she was out of line for making fun of someone when she doesn't know him and she doesn't work here yet.
Not allowed to ever make any suggestions as to how to improve anything.
Not allowed to put the kaibosh on smoke breaks because I don't smoke.
Not allowed to go to work hung over (again.)
Finally, not allowed to complain about anything until I have worked there long enough to have earned the respect of getting my voice heard (probably about a century...)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When the restrooms at the swamp need to be closed because of a sewer backup dribbling dirty stinky water up the restroom drains, thus leaving no public bathrooms available for use in the store or even the strip mall attached to it until a plumber can fix the problem and make us pay through the nose for doing so on Memorial Day weekend, do not direct shoppers who have to, ummm, go, to seek out a secluded tree or bush in the outdoor garden center and drop trou.

[fireheart]

Nyan cat and its remixes are not meant to be played over the PA to drive customers out.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Quit lording it over everybody else that because I work in price accuracy, I cannot be trained on a register but everybody else apparently has to be, neener neener neener.