Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Becks]

I (and other coworkers) aren't allowed to wear mistletoe attached to any part of our work uniforms.

[Rapscallion]

I (and other coworkers) aren't allowed to wear mistletoe attached to any part of our work uniforms.

Belt buckle? I got away with that, though being the son of the owner helps.

Rapscallion

[Becks]

Belt buckles, aprons, not even our hats. Some people have no sense of humor or whimsy.

[Crosshair]

I do not suffer from "Caffeine Deficiency Disorder" (CDD). Therefore I do not need to keep a container of "Flavored Liquid Caffeine Supliment" (Soda) on me at all times.

The entry "Firearm & Dang. Weapon" under "Type" on the North Dakota CCW (Consealed Carry Weapon) permit stands for "Firearm and Dangerous weapon." It does NOT stand for "Firearm and Dangling weapon" so you need to stop the "Dangling" jokes. (It was a co-worker who came up with and started using that one, much to my annoyance.)

Stop looting the supply of new boxcutters, boxcutter blades, and boxcutter holsters when they come on the supply truck. (I got a new holster and blades.)

Layaway will not be turned into a bar. So quit asking what we are doing with the Layaway desk now that we have stopped doing layaways.

Putting a $30 Red Dot sight on an $8 Nerf gun is not funny.

Putting a $250 EOTech holographic sight on an $8 Nerf gun is just wrong.

Ditto for a 3x9x40 scope.

[Spiffy McMoron]

-Blaming other departments for things going wrong, even when it's not their fault, is fine. However, these departments must have a proven track record of screwing up badly. Blaming a good department helps nobody.

-We reserve the right to giggle at you if you ask us if we sell performance exhausts for minivans.

-I would appreciate it if you could not interupt me while I'm looking at the webcam that a Mexican resort has set up on the beach to show how fantastic it is. I would especially appreciate it if you would not interupt me when the topless girl was sunbathing. It's not that I don't want to help you, it's more a courtesy thing.

-Please, please, please don't be surprised when we don't have an extremely obsure part for a 25 year old vehicle. We run out of common parts for 3 year old vehicles. We only have so much room here, people.

[lordlundar]

Putting a $30 Red Dot sight on an $8 Nerf gun is not funny.

Putting a $250 EOTech holographic sight on an $8 Nerf gun is just wrong.

Ditto for a 3x9x40 scope.

You're right. It's not funny. It's HILARIOUS!

And then there's the newest nerf gun out. The things a sniper rifle!

[DarthRetard]

Putting price tags on my manager and telling customers he is on sale for half price when purchasing a cell phone, while amusing to me, is totally stupid.

Customers dont have a sense of humor, so stop making jokes about our slogan.

"Butt Connector" is no longer funny. Neither is "Slow Blow Fuse". *giggle*

Not allowed to act out "Robot Chicken" skits at work.

Stop saying Catharsis.

The delivery guy doesn't want a theme song done as a parody of "Mail Time" from Blue's Clues. (Why NOT??)

Hiding on top of the storeroom shelves and scaring coworkers is immature, and silly.

Tell that damn "Two Snare Drums and a Cymbal" joke one more time, and you're canned.

[RogueOne]

Putting a $30 Red Dot sight on an $8 Nerf gun is not funny.

Putting a $250 EOTech holographic sight on an $8 Nerf gun is just wrong.

Ditto for a 3x9x40 scope.

Sig-worthy.

[Crosshair]

Sig-worthy.

Hmmm, mabee. I need to get a pic of it online, but we are out of those Nerf guns right now. I did the above to a return that was out of the pakage. I just happened to have the EOTec in my backpack in the breakroom because I was showing it to a co-worker that day on break. I didn't do the 3x9x40 scope, but I did suggest it when they told me to take the EOTech off.

[DarthRetard]

Speak like Jar Jar Binks for the entirety of my shift as revenge for my boss calling me in on my day off.

I am under no circumstances allowed near the remote control cars ever again.

[Becks]

I'm not allowed to make any comments whatsoever on meatball day at work.

[DarthRetard]

Oh man. A million comments just appeared in my head, too. I'm such an 18 year old male......gotta love it. Oh, here's one:

I'm not allowed to make up any more theme songs for the mailman or delivery guy from FedEx.

[thegiraffe]

I am NOT permitted to have any sort of caffeine or sugar before or while on the clock.

(I bounce when I'm decaf. I bounce higher when I'm caffeinated)

[MCSledgehammer]

At the hardware store
I am not allowed to:
-threaten customers with sledgehammers
-nor their children
-maul axes are not acceptable either
-or really, any of the machinery in the back
-while the various guys who come in might take me more seriously if it were true, I am not allowed to tell customers my given name is John, but I'm post-op now when they say "I didn't expect a girl to know that!".
-SSOAP (Slightly Senile Old Argumentative People) is not a real club, and they do not meet here, so stop laying out cheese trays.
-I should stop telling people that rat poison is "great in martinis". Some of them might take me seriously.
-No sodas in the paint shakers.
-Especially the manager's soda.
-No demonstrating bondage technique on coworkers.
-Especially that one annoying guy.
-Because you keep "forgetting" to take him down, that's why.

[Becks]

Oh man. A million comments just appeared in my head, too. I'm such an 18 year old male......

And I'm a 27 year old female who spends too much time with guys.

My boss thought (unofficially, of course) what I DID say was funny...I just can't ever say it again.