Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[thegiraffe]

-No sodas in the paint shakers.
-Especially the manager's soda.

OMG I could see it now. Especially with a few of the managers at my store (don't get me wrong - I love them to death). It'd be REALLY funny to see a few of their reactions though. I know a couple of them would jump through the ceiling

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

-No sodas in the paint shakers.
-Especially the manager's soda.

Time for a gratuitous Simpsons reference!

If you shook that soda up enough, it could blow the roof and the windows out of your store when your manager opened it. ALso could put him in the hospital in a coma.

[lordlundar]

Time for a gratuitous Simpsons reference!

If you shook that soda up enough, it could blow the roof and the windows out of your store when your manager opened it. ALso could put him in the hospital in a coma.

With the effect of a nuclear weapon of soda!

[DarthRetard]

And I'm a 27 year old female who spends too much time with guys.

My boss thought (unofficially, of course) what I DID say was funny...I just can't ever say it again.

Care to enlighten us on the comment? Cause teasing me like this isn't funny.

[Spiffy McMoron]

With the effect of a nuclear weapon of soda!

Pretzels! You'll need pretzels!

[SuperDan]

Pretzels! You'll need pretzels!

What are these pretzels you speak of?

OH! You mean Beer Sponges!

[ContraCorriente]

-while male customers shop for meat, I am not allowed to stick tampons or douches in their shopping cart.
-i am not allowed to sit my piggy bank on my register with a little sign saying, "Your loose change could help feed a hungry pig (or send your cashier to college.")
-I am not allowed to say over the intercom, "Attention customers! There is a pearlescent Escalade in the parking lot with it's headlights on. Oh, nevermind, a nice big guy in a black toboggan just turned them off for you. But I think he accidentally busted your window in the process."
-Giving customers directions to the freezer when they ask for the restroom is not acceptable.
-Doing backflips off the dumpster when I'm supposed to be stocking is grounds for termination.
-Patch tape is only to be used for its intended purpose.
-Spying on the fifty-year-old manager is not okay - even if he is browsing teenage girl Myspace profiles.
-Having fun is grounds for termination.
-answering customer's questions in American Sign Language is not okay.
-Neither is Swahili.
-Or Vietnamese.

[Becks]

Care to enlighten us on the comment? Cause teasing me like this isn't funny.

Well, the hot foods area is right next to the deli. My manager and a coworker were preparing meatballs for the next day. Aside from my usual "ball handlling skills" comments to my (male) manager, the following conversation took place.

Deli guy--"What smells so good over there?"
Manager--"Meatballs for tomorrow."
DG--"They smell FANTASTIC!!!!!"
Me--"I always suspected you enjoyed sniffing balls."

Something about what I said and HOW I said it was absolutely priceless, I suppose...

[Dreamstalker]

--Not allowed to answer the phone "Ghostbusters Boston" (even if the building is reportedly haunted)
--Even if it does weed out the telemarketing calls

--No "symmetrical book-stacking" with the unshelved used books...even if I do have the required spare time
--Or my books at home (hey, it does save space)

--Domokun is not a major deity (why the hell not?)

--Using Japanese rope bondage techniques while giftwrapping packages is generally not appreciated (ribbon is almost impossible to remove once tied that way)

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

-Making a t-shirt reading "Third-shift Teammates Do It In the Dark" is not an acceptable way to protest corporate cutting about 3/4 of the lights on the salesfloor at close.

-Wearing said t-shirt to work is grounds for termination.

[Phone Jockey]

I'm not allowed to send SPAM to my e-mail customers.

[Bella_Vixen]

It's probably not a good idea to ask customers, "Why are you harrassing the working poor?!?"

[DarthRetard]

No longer allowed to quote Sam Kinison. EVER. NEVER.

I am not "Lord Sprint The Seventh of the House of Cellphone", and cannot banish customers who don't speak fluent english. (that goes especially for those who speak english as a first language.)

[Hicksey]

I am not allowed to laugh as I run the ignorant redneck that thinks he's going to trap me in the right hand lane that's closing in 500ft off the road.

I am not allowed to ask the retarded dispatcher that asks me for the umpteenth time if I will go to NYC for him if he's on crack because I told him no too many times already.

I am not allowed attend a Jesse Jackson speech and scream "I'm sorry Mr. Jackson, your race card has been declined. Do you have another form of entitlement?" into a megaphone as soon as he finishes speaking.

I am not allowed to mock Oprah Winfrey for teaching people how to be professional victims daily on her show. If most of the idiots that made it there just took some kind of ownership over their lives they wouldn't be there in the first place.

[yahurd]

im not allowed to cry you ruined it!
when people ask what non-system disk or disk error means.