Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[rapana1]

At H. Curtains, I am no longer allowed to-

Wear sample curtain as cape.

Tell customers that the really ugly silver foil print curtains would be a fantastic addition to their first aid kit, as they can also be used to wrap around someone suffering from hypothermia or shock.

Pretend to swim under the fabric "waterfall " sample hangers.

Wear short end net curtains as a petticoat or veil.

Make daisy chain necklaces out of curtain track components.

Test all new curtain tiebacks for suitability as floggers on myself.

Test all new curtain tiebacks for suitability as floggers on workmates.

Test all new curtain tiebacks for suitability as floggers on customers.

EDIT- Test all new curtain tiebacks for suitability as floggers on courier van drivers.

Start crying theatrically when someone says, "I didn't measure, it's just an average sized window.".

Stand in the front window and pretend to be part of the display.

[Kit-Ginevra]

I am not allowed to herd the SCs into a long line and when asked what I'm doing,start playing my miniature flute and tell them I am the Pied Piper,come to rid your store of wastrels and idiots...

[BeeMused]

I'm not allowed to teach interns how set up excel, word and windows to annoy coworkers. (ie. change mouse cursor to a one pixel graphic, set autocorrect in word to change every and to fnord )

[Kit-Ginevra]

Entertaining the children does not mean I can paint a smiley face on my genitals and introduce them as Happy Henry and his two furry friends

[Akasa]

Not allowed to teach kids The Llama Song.

Llama song?

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

When the electronics specialist dumps his empty boxes on the floor in front of the baler, it is perfectly okay to drop them on the back counter in his department.

However, it probably is not okay to add a note reading "Cardboard goes in the baler, not on the floor. Signed, not your maid or your mommy."

Should I decide to leave such a note, probably not a good idea to preface it "Yo Fuckface."

[Arcus]

Llama song?

The Llama Song

*Warning* This song will get stuck in your head.

[fireheart]

It's "Tenterfield Saddler" not "Tender-field Sad-a-lot"

No Christmas carols at work!

[Grendus]

-Even though the plastic case will completely protect them and it does wonders for my morale, kicking the self check machines when they break is strictly forbidden.

-Just because I found a glitch in the self check system that lets me backdoor into the copy of Windows XP running under the hood doesn't give me permission to play solitaire on the job.

-I also can't use the backdoor to make all the self scan machines play something more soothing than "Please place item in bagging area" over and over.

-Setting the machines to play "Take this job and shove it" is a firing offense.

-Surrounding the store manager's car with a loop of carts is not the proper way to complain about having to collect carts outside the store without equipment or training.

-Putting a completely unpowered electric cart behind his/her car is immature.

-While the hispanic staff's obsession with late night soccer is annoying, creating a bootleg DVD of polka music videos from youtube and setting the TV to play it on continuous loop then hiding the remotes is probably the wrong way to go about complaining.

-Hand keying the barcode for KY Jelly and an eggplant onto someone's receipt and then removing those items so they show up crossed off on receipt is not funny. I mean, it is, but it's also a firing offense.

-Same thing goes for pregnancy test/hangars or duct tape/ski mask/shovel.

[Dreamstalker]

For some reason I'm not allowed to ignore calls for assistance that do not actually require assistance, just basic critical thinking ability (you really need me to tell you to select the payment method or how to use the produce menu?!)

[Kit-Ginevra]

I am not allowed to divide the customers into those who I would zap with my death ray and those who would be taken as my personal slaves to obey my every whim in my harem...

[fireheart]

When the new bossman comes in, I am not allowed to:

-Ask him why he chose to downgrade himself. (He's coming from a school that is licensed for maybe 50-70 kids, to one that is licensed for 120!)
-Ask why he's working at a school so far from his house. (the school he was previously at is about a 45-minute drive from my house)
-Tell the kids that he's a pushover
-Tell the kids he's super-strict.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Well, I guess I can't take the store manager we have over my knee and use my belt on his ass that he ain't got.

Same goes for putting him in "Time Out."


Or sending him to bed without supper.

Or send home a note to his Mommy about his conduct.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

No, Irv, even if we did have a Santa Claus at the store for kids to visit, we still wouldn't allow you to roam the aisles dressed as Krampus.

[fireheart]

No, Irv, even if we did have a Santa Claus at the store for kids to visit, we still wouldn't allow you to roam the aisles dressed as Krampus.

There is a reference here and I am missing it.