What's your work spiel?

[PuckishOne]

"Hungarian Embassy. How may I mis-direct your call?"

I simply must try this in the coming weeks. "I'm sorry, sir, did you just say that your hovercraft was full of eels?"

Sadly, we're meant to stick to the standard "Evil Insurance Co., this is Puck" - much less colorful, less fun for me, and never enough to dissuade the morons whose first question inevitably is either "Is this Evil Insurance Co?" or "May I speak to Puck?"

(sigh)

[smileyeagle1021]

"Thanks for calling Hollywood Video in [city], sucking out souls one shift at a time, this is bars.of.a.rhyme, how can I be indifferent to you today?"

i think I may have wet myself a little after that one... OMG that is the funniest thing I've heard all day... ours aren't too bad, compared to some of the front desk people (i love calling our hotels that have to answer the phone "thank you for calling hotel indigo, this is (name) how my I inspire you today".

now what we are supposed to say
"thank you for calling the reservation desk at (hotel the person called) this is (name) speaking, may I ask with whom I have the pleasure of speaking with" ... they give name and we say "how may I assist you today, name"

what I say
"reservation desk, this is smileyeagle speaking, may I ask with whom I'm speaking?" and "what can I do for you today, name"

my manager actually likes what I do better than what corp wants so I get away with it.

[akilika]

I've got lots of spiels, but the only one that's actually dictated to me (as opposed to being given a few things I have to say and making my own script) is the phone answering one:

"Cheers! and thank you for calling [Restaurant] of [City]. This is [name]. How may I help you?"

(If I put them on hold and someone else picks up, and it's not a personal call (gah!), then it's "Cheers! Thank you for holding. This is [name], how can I help you?")

Come to think of it, though, I think only a few of us actually use exclamation points.

[RetailWorkhorse]

At the Dollar Tree During Hours I'm Supposed To Say:
Thank you for calling Dollar Tree, this is RetailWorkhorse, how may I help you?

What I actually said:
Dollar Tree, this is RetailWorkhorse, what can I do ya for?

After hours:
Thank you for calling Dollar Tree, this is RetailWorkhorse, how may I help you?

Seriously What I Said:
City Morgue, you slice 'em, we dice 'em. You kill 'em, we chill 'em, Front Desk.

If I was positive it was my manager's boyfriend (who ELSE was going to call at 2am while we were stocking?) I answered with:
B-E-N Spelled Ben*, it's 2am, what do you want now?


*It was nice that he got that referance....

[irateguy]

I just say Produce can I help you or Produce when Im on the phone

[Bella_Vixen]

We don't have anything official, so it depends on who answers the phone. When I do it, I say, "{store name} in Delafield, this is Bella_Vixen, how may I help you?" Most of the others say "{store name} in Delafield, how may I help you?" And then there are a few who just say "{store name}." Unless the manager is calling, then I'll answer with, "Yeah?"

When customers come up the registers, we all say hi, ask if there is anything else (we are NOT allowed to say "Is that all?"), etc.

[Ronald]

Somedays when I'm all stressed out or just in that mood, when I'm told that there is a call for me I answer it with 'Ron here, how can you help me?"

It brings out the best in some people.....if they've actually been listening.

[powerboy]

Hello, thank you for calling (business name). The Taj Mahal of Self Storage. Where you can shoot an arrow from the (Street name) and land it on our lawn. Also home of the worlds greatest candy. This is (powerboy) speaking, how may I help you?

What I actually say, when it is not one of the owners:

Thank you for calling (business name), this is James. How may I help you.

I mean seriously, do we really need a 5 minute scripted. I mean come on. When they call they either want a: to know what time we are opened too, b: to know how much they owe, or c: to make a payment over the phone. Or they are calling a wrong number.

Also we have awful tasting candy.

[cactus]

<Store Name>, <Mall Name>, Cactus speaking.
Or <Store Name>, <Mall Name>, this is Cactus speaking. No spiel at all, and no one gets my last name.

When it's the manager from an other store in our chain that's calling, my boss usually answers with "Helluuuuu", or "Habiidididat, scrofl moji?" (<-- Does not mean ANYTHING at all, at least not in norwegian :P )
I'm glad that we don't have a lot to ask customers about during transactions either. If we're reasonably polite and smiling, Boss is happy with us.

[Happy Otter Lover]

"Good morning/afternoon/evening, restaurant name, Happy Otter speaking"

I have my two different phone voices too. I have my normal customer voice, which is slightly higher than my regular speaking voice, and I have my sexy waitress voice, which sounds like I belong on a phone-sex line. At one of my old jobs, I would always get roped into making the announcements on the PA in my phone-sex voice just because the rest of the staff found it hilarious.

[Dave1982]

We have gone through several different official phone greetings at Staples during my tenure.

(During Back to School. I hated this greeting)

"Thank you for calling Staples [location], the best place to get your child ready for Back to School, this is Dave1982, how can I help you?"


Another was

"Thank you for calling Staples [location], home of the 39-cent color copy, this is Dave1982, how can I help you?"

Thankfully, we're back to using a fairly generic greeting.

"Thank you for calling Staples [location], this is Dave1982, how can I help/assist you?" or "how can I direct your call?"


Often - especially if I know the call was transferred to me - I'll just say "Electronics, this is Dave1982, how can I help you?"


After the close of business we say "Staples security"


With any luck, HQ won't come up with another sappy greeting for us to use.

[hotelnpa]

At my current hotel, it's pretty simple :"Thank you for calling (hotel)Inn and Suites. This is hotelnpa." (However, we do not say "How may I help you?")

The one hotel before this one: "Good (time of day). Thank you for calling (hotel) Inn. Hotelnpa speaking. Would you like to make a reservation?" I hated saying that. Most people just wanted to be transferred to a guest or inquiring about rates. Some people would say "What?" or "NO!"

[Sylvia727]

Corporate actually taped up the official spiel near the phone. "Hello, and thank you for calling the *Bakery*, located at *Main Street* and *Long Road*. This is Sylvia speaking, how may I help you today?" I always answered with "Bakery at Main and Long, this is Sylvia." Unless I thought it was our district manager calling, and then I made sure to read the entire spiel slowly and carefully. Wouldn't want the customers to misunderstand me! The worst part was the "hello, and" because customers would assume that pause meant I was finished speaking.

[technical.angel]

I can't wait to get off the phones.

Off the phones? You'll never get off the phones!! You'll be on the phones until you DIE!!

When in retail...

"Hello, thank you for calling ____, home of the Ear piercing experts, where we have hair accessories buy one get one free! How can I help you?"

[BookstoreEscapee]

My friend in customer service at work answers "Thank you for calling B&N. This is (name), I can help you." I don't know if that's required phrasing but I guess it sounds optimistic.

When I was in the store it was "Thank you for calling B&N MyTown, this is Me, how can I help you." There was no "required" greeting but we all answered along those lines.

Now, I don't have customers and my phone rarely rings. When it does I just answer with my name.