PA systems R fun!

[mattm04]

I wasn't there for this...but MAN, I really wish I had been. To recap, my first job was as a stockboy at a local supermarket. Well, one of the baggers, who was a lil punk anyway but still very funny (in other words, a lovable punk) decided to quit without giving notice. How, you ask? Well, he apparently hopped on the PA, during prime hours where there were plenty of people in the store...

Lil Punk: "Supermarket fuggin' SUCKS!"

Apparently there were a bunch of customers who paused, got wide-eyed and looked around all . He then paused for a few seconds...yes, he was still on the PA...and then went...

LP: "...Wazzuuuuuuuuup."

Hung it up, threw his shirt in the breakroom, and walked out. Nice.

A lot of people at my store have though about quitting that way.

The funniest thing that happened was when the MOD was on the portable phone making a page for a clean up, while walking.

MOD: "<porter> to aisle with a wet mop for a ...... thud...... shit, crap did the PA get that, ... shit, .... for a.... cleanup"

He didn't see the entire spill. Most of the customers found it hilarious, except for one old lady.

[Rine]

Well, I don't have many stories to share.

One newbie cashier got on the PA the other day and said: "I need...I need...uh...I need...something..." and then they just hung up.

Bout the only time we can make less than normal pages is when we can publically humiliate those people that choose to play on the escalators. One cashier started all this and now the other associates continue the trend. "Will the little girl in the pink dress stop playing on the escalator? Thank you!" "Will the young man sitting on the escalator please realize that you stand on an escalator, not sit? Thank you." etc.

[AKWalMartCartGuy]

I had a disgruntled ex-WalMart manager tell me that if you dial #96 from any phone in the store that it'll get on the PA system. I have yet to try that.

it's true, we have customers make pages from time to time

not sure if #96 is the actual number, but not only is that true, you could call the store's number from home and then the extension and it would get you on the PA

[ShinyGreenApple]

I'd forgotten about this one until now . . .

At WM, the toy department would occasionally come to the lay-a-way department, plug in an air compressor, and ask the people working back there to inflate their toy balls for them when we got a chance. Was a nice way to pass the time, actually, so long as you kept a lookout for customers that you would otherwise not hear for the noise of the compressor. Then we'd put them all in a bin on wheels and page the department manager when it was full. The cashier covering lay-a-way on this particular day had filled the bin, and paged the manager, whom we shall refer to as John. He didn't show up. She paged him again. Rinse, lather, repeat.

A CSM noticed the bin when she went to Lay-a-way to check out on her lunch break, and told the cashier working that she should really get the bin moved because it was taking up space. Cashier informed her he had already been paged several times, and that CSM was more than welcome to page him again if she liked. Said CSM then got on the intercom herself, after which the entire breakroom and probably half the store erupted into laughter.

CSM: "John in toys, your balls are ready in layaway, John in toys, please come to layaway, your balls are ready!"

*lay-a-way phone rings, and of course it was the store manager*

SM: "Who just made that page?!"

Cashier: "CSM Pat!"

SM: "Put her on."

. . .

SM: "Yeah, Pat? Don't say that again." *click*

It is now one of the stories of legend in that particular Wal-Mart.

[Rubyred]

My ex used to get on the B&N PA system and cluck like a chicken at random times during the day. His managers thought it was hysterical.

[nihildark]

Hello! This is my first post, just thought I'd share some PA fun.

A friend of mine at Wally World had a fight with an AM and decided to quit. He went to the nearest phone and dialed up the PA system and announced "Testicles. I repeat, testicles. That is all." He tossed his smock and name tag on the floor and left.

And as of 5 months ago, it was #96 at my Wal-Mart. Enjoy.

[Saydrah]

I won a bet with one of my managers when I worked at the pet store this way (he bet I didn't have the metaphorical balls to do this):

On my last day, after ascertaining that I wouldn't lose any necessary good references by doing this (because it was the MOD who dared me), I was closing and made the required announcements.

"The time is now 8:45 PM. Pet Store will be closing in 15 minutes. Please make your final selections and come to the registers so we can get you on your way home. Thank you, and have a great night."

"The time is now 8:50 PM. Pet Store will be closing in 10 minutes. Please bring your final purchases to the front registers so we can get you checked out. As always, we're open 9 AM to 9 PM every weekday for your convenience. Thank you, and have a great night."

"The time is now 8:55 PM. Pet Store will be closing in 10 minutes. Please bring your final purchases to the front registers and we'll get you on your way home. We'll be open again at 9 AM tomorrow, for your shopping convenience. Thank you, and have a great night."

"The time is now 9:00 PM. GET THE FUCK OUT."

[draftermatt]

At my PT job I got on one night 5 mins before close because I saw people screwing around in the front of the building.

Attention "Company" shoppers, the time is now 5:25 and we will be closing in 5 minutes. All employees should be out the door, and all customers gone, Thank-you.

People came out of the walls to come to the front laughing their asses off.

[HavingAWonderfulTime]

Hello! This is my first post, just thought I'd share some PA fun.

A friend of mine at Wally World had a fight with an AM and decided to quit. He went to the nearest phone and dialed up the PA system and announced "Testicles. I repeat, testicles. That is all." He tossed his smock and name tag on the floor and left.

And as of 5 months ago, it was #96 at my Wal-Mart. Enjoy.

I had a manager tell me the same number, so I can vouch for that working.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

...and now a certain part of Porky's is playing in my head now...

Me too . . .

Except it's about every other day when I'm hearing my b/f drone on about his day out of the Tree . . . one of the supervisors' name is Mike Hunt.

He just loves saying that name real fast . . .

[tropicsgoddess]

"The time is now 8:55 PM. Pet Store will be closing in 10 minutes. Please bring your final purchases to the front registers and we'll get you on your way home. We'll be open again at 9 AM tomorrow, for your shopping convenience. Thank you, and have a great night."

"The time is now 9:00 PM. GET THE FUCK OUT."

I would've LOVED to be able to get away with saying that during my retail slave days.

[hecubus]

I've always had the urge to somehow, someday, make it onto the P.A. at a supermarket, and make an announcement I heard on an old Bob Newhart Show once:

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Announcing a special in our meat department. Meat. That is all."

[Javarod]

Oh boy, this reminds me of two funny stories from my days in retail.

Back when I was in high school, I worked at a K-Mart. Now in K-Mart back then (88 or so I'd guess), any phone could page, but the mike at the courtesy desk overrode everything else. One night after closing, the two pranksters of the store took over the courtesy desk mike and sung the entire Gilligan's Island theme (surprisingly well I might ad), and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

MattM04's post reminded me of a similar incident I did when I worked in WallyWorld. I was working DSD, and at the time, it was just me. Thankfully it was a Div 1 store, so that wasn't as bad as it could've been. Any how, I was mad busy, trying to check things in while paging for a department to come back and collect their stuff. This wouldn't've been a problem ifn I wasn't walking fairly far from the phone which wasn't cordless, with the receiver pinned between my shoulder and my ear. It wouldn't've been a problem even then, if it weren't for a knot in the phone cord. Yep, the cord abruptly ran out, phone popped out from my ear. hit the floor, skidded across receiving, and slammed into a bay door... while connected to the PA system. Took me a few minutes to collect m'self before I could finish that page.