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This is a wonderful little translation I thought I'd write. It lists the things you see on an application, and what they REALLY mean or the real reason they're there.. Meanings in ()'s.
1.) Name. (So you can be cross referenced with other employees to see if anyone knows you, has worked with you, slept with you, married, you, or otherwise.)
2.) Address. (Later, if your background check comes up bad, we need to know where to send the cops.)
3.) Years at Address: (Cops like to know this too. May be other states looking for you.)
4.) Education: (Need to know what you are trained in so we can make sure NOT to put you on that equipment or in that position.)
5.) Skills: (used to weed out people who actually can do the job. Also to weed out anyone who can do anything of any proficiency.)
6.) Work History: (Where have you been, how long, and, who can we call to find out the real dirt? Also, did you work at our competition and if so are you willing to divulge trade secrets, or is there a chance you're a spy?)
7.) Wages Expected: (Actually a trap. Any answer is automatically wrong. Even no answer.)
8.) Days you Can, Can't work. (Used to see what days you want to work, and what days you don't, and then *if hired* used to schedule on the days you don't want to work.)
9.) Comments: (Used to see if you can write legibly and spell better than a third grader. If you can, then you won't be hired since you're over qualified.)
1.) Name. (So you can be cross referenced with other employees to see if anyone knows you, has worked with you, slept with you, married, you, or otherwise.)
2.) Address. (Later, if your background check comes up bad, we need to know where to send the cops.)
3.) Years at Address: (Cops like to know this too. May be other states looking for you.)
4.) Education: (Need to know what you are trained in so we can make sure NOT to put you on that equipment or in that position.)
5.) Skills: (used to weed out people who actually can do the job. Also to weed out anyone who can do anything of any proficiency.)
6.) Work History: (Where have you been, how long, and, who can we call to find out the real dirt? Also, did you work at our competition and if so are you willing to divulge trade secrets, or is there a chance you're a spy?)
7.) Wages Expected: (Actually a trap. Any answer is automatically wrong. Even no answer.)
8.) Days you Can, Can't work. (Used to see what days you want to work, and what days you don't, and then *if hired* used to schedule on the days you don't want to work.)
9.) Comments: (Used to see if you can write legibly and spell better than a third grader. If you can, then you won't be hired since you're over qualified.)
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