What you really don't want to hear at work

[protege]

"Can you schedule server failures for more convenient times?"
"Does the printer have to be turned on in order to work?"

Sadly, both are real

[drunkenwildmage]

"I don't know what the hell happened, but it's fixed"

[JLRodgers]

"I don't know what the hell happened, but it's fixed"

I've said that before -- and we were all better off in the dark about it I think

[Meadhands]

"Ho S***- I just gave myself a cardboard papercut..."

Ugh, I hate cardboard papercuts. You think regular papercuts sting? Try one of these.

Anywho, this one is always classy:

"You wanna take this outside?" Real. Said to me by a co-worker I am STILL convinced was really a monkey in a man suit.

[KaeZoo]

At my car audio installation bay:

"My dog is in the car, but he won't bother you if you don't bother him".

"If you're going to be working under the dash, be careful. I used to be a drug addict, and there may still be some old needles stuffed up under there".

"I left a...thing, wrapped in a towel between the front seats. Don't touch it".

"Okay, you can work on my car, but I'm going to be sitting in the passenger seat watching you the whole time".

(On the phone) "There's smoke coming out of my dashboard. Is it safe to keep driving?"


All real.

[Shangri-laschild]

"Dispatch, someone just set of a stink bomb in the middle of the college" (Real)