Upsetting and maybe gross, PARENTS ENTER WITH CAUTION

[MystyGlyttyr]

I just really, really just don't know what to do with this...I figured I'd at least write it out here and get it out of my system a little.

A last warning to anyone who's read this far, I'm telling you, this WILL perturb you quite a bit. I know I'm feeling just a bit of a mental teetering myself at the moment...so last chance to back out...

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Had a couple come in to fill out an obituary for what they said was a newborn baby. Sad enough, we got through it fairly easy. Then they go to hand me a photo. I personally REALLY don't like newborn photos in obits, but if the family wants one, all right. Most of them look okay.

But as soon as the couple handed me the frame and I turned it over, it became very apparent that this was NOT a newborn baby...

...for lack of a better way to say it, it was very obvious the baby was not...DONE.

I made up some fast lie about the photo being grainy (sadly it was not as I could see quite a bit more than I was prepared to see) and told them we might not be able to use the photo if it didn't scan in well, and they accepted that and I told them to come back in tomorrow morning after eight to pick it back up (letting them think I'd send it over to see if it'd work). Thank God they didn't fight me on it because I was just in no way going to be able to convince these very upset and grieving parents that we couldn't run a picture of what was very clearly...well, a fetus. Guessing from pictures I've seen in medical books, maybe at about five months.

Then, to top this all off, as they were leaving, I realized they were carrying a baby carrier with them that was empty. I guess they'd already bought it and were just...carrying it around with them.

So yeah, I've hidden the picture for the moment so the other clerk won't see it and I'm hoping my boss, RM, will be able to give it back to the couple in the morning when they come in.

Hopefully that's a once-in-a-job thing...

[Becks]

That's so sad.






And gross.

I am saddened by their loss, truly I am, but...to have a picture like THAT???

[MoxisPilot]

My first thought was that the couple were plants from a local anti-abortion movement.

Then I finished the story, and now it's just sad and rather disturbing.

[flyinghi]

a preemie I was a preemie

I can understand them having the pic and wanting to use it However I completely believe you were in the right for not publishing the photo it would be to shocking for unprepared readers

As for the empty carrier that's just sad The couple must be in a pretty intense stage of shock my best thoughts go out to them That's a situation no one should ever go through

[Evil Queen]

I was a preemie baby. And I turned out all cute and evilness.

Sorry you had to see that Mysty. Preemie babies certainly aren't the prettiest things to look at but babies that have passed away are the worst things you could show.

[FormerCallingCardRep]

Don't get me wrong in what I am about to say. This is coming from a Mom that lost a child at birth.




First of all I feel very bad for this couple. I have been there. I know what they are feeling. It is very possible that they had stopped there on their way from the hospital and were carring the baby carrier with what they were given from the hospital as comfort (ie a blanket, memory box or even a teddy bear).

Second, the only pictures I have of my daughter that died are the ones taken after she died. I would not trade those pictures for anything in the world. She was full term though and had sufficated due to placental abruption. She was born alive and went into cardiac arrest with in seconds of birth.

I hope that when they come back in that they are treated with compassion. If you are there tell them that there are groups out there for parents that have lost babies. Tell them to go online to Honored Babies (I think it is a dot org) This is a message group for Mom's who have lost children under the age of a year.

[MystyGlyttyr]

Believe me, I am always nothing but sympathetic to grieving relatives (save the ones who just go way out of their way to be pains in the ass, which are fortunately the minority). It was just that they said "newborn" and I was ready for "newborn" and just frankly got shocked at the picture because it was not something I was ready for.

We get baby obit photos fairly regularly and 99% of the time, they're of a open-eyed baby that was at least alive at some point. I don't like them, personally, but a lot of the people who are putting them in never got to put in their birth announcement and now won't get the chance, so, yeah. (There was one of a five-month-old not long ago where the baby was dressed as an angel for Halloween and they decided to use it...that one was an especially beautiful obit even if it did and still does make me cry to think about it.)

I'm just glad I was able to keep from visibly reacting and came up with a semi-plausable excuse to keep them from being any more upset. And I've already laid out what the other clerk should say to them when they come back, just to repeat that the picture was blurry and our scanner couldn't read it and to be as kind as possible, regardless. Now I just have to make sure I keep the obit clean and clear.

Ugh, one of those .01% of times when I hate my job...

[FormerCallingCardRep]

Sending you many hugs from a Mom that has been there. We did not use Meghan's picture in her obit. My Mom wrote it for me because I was not in the right satrt of mind.

[RetailWorkhorse]

I can only imagine how the parents feel (and I broke down when one of Sassy's pups were still-born). They're going to carry around that Carrier for a long time.

[FormerCallingCardRep]

I carried Meghan's blanket around for about a year

[tropicsgoddess]

Damn, that's sad.

[Retail Associate]

I carried Meghan's blanket around for about a year

Whatever it takes to get you through.

I can't imagine anything worse than losing a child. My heart goes out to you and to the couple in the OP.

My nephew was born after only 6 mos in the womb. He was so tiny that he fit in the palm of my Dad's hand. Today he's a big, strapping 32 yr old.

.

[SorryIsGoodEnough]

Now I'm looking at my seven month old, tearing up. She's looking at me, smiling, and I want to cry more.

I don't want to go to work today. I want to stay home with my Ana.

[powerboy]

My heart goes out to everyone that has lost a child at birth or while still a fetus.

[Aethian]

I was a three month preemie and after a month in the neo natel unit I was placed near the window because as one nurse put it I was porcelain perfect. Something for grandparents and parents to see before they got to go in to see their children. Mom said that there were some babies in there that weren't ever going to be fully developed nd were only hanging on by threads.

So hugs to you for being so brave to not go hysterical and mucho love to the parents who have to be suffering right now.