Fun with the PA system :D

[Jay 2K Winger]

Apart from DG, our awesome (and sadly transferred) Ops Manager, singing Ludacris' "Roll Out" when telling the employees to go home after we'd closed, there haven't been that many funny PA moments at my store.

Well, there was one time, we had one customer left, a regular -- and one we knew had a good sense of humor. MOD asks me to give one final announcement.

So I work up this amusing little "stuffy, important-sounding" voice:
"Attention [store] members and guests. The time is now 9:15, and [store] is now closed for the evening. We ask at this time you bring your final purchases to the front of the store, as our cashiers will be closing their registers in sixty seconds. At that time, we will release the hounds."

Everyone left in the store (again, only employees and this one awesome customer) burst out laughing. I still had the phone for the PA.

"You think I'm joking."

Fresh gales of laughter.

[Jaden]

Some stories from when I worked at Kroger:

It was really busy one day for some reason, I don't recall the occasion, but at any rate, when it gets really busy, they call people up from the back, one person in particular named Eric. So, this was like the 3rd or 4th time he'd been called up, and he was understandably fed up. The call comes over, "Eric, could you give us a hand up front please?", and then Eric replied over the PA system with a resounding "NO! *slam*."

Another time, somebody was calling a guy up from the back and stumbled over his name, and decided to save face by making it into a rap "Muh-muh-Mike-Muh-Mike-Muh-Mike Jones!"

My favourite one though is the one moment of genuine hilarity the Store Manager caused. The stockers had, jokingly, called him to help with a spill in an aisle, and he came back over the PA system with "Front End, would you tell the grocery stockers to stop being freakin' idiots?"

[nomorecarts]

one time over the radio a coworker announced he was going to his break(that job code is supposed to) "yo, dis ya boy *name*, I be goin on my break" *no response* "I love you"

a coworker told me when she was in orientation the training coordinator asked if anyone wanted to get in trouble, so she volunteered, and went over the radio and called for a manager "Jim Jimmy Jim Jim Jim Jim Jim Jim" I would do that to him, he always says the job title 3 times when he needs a carryout. and most of the time it's not a carryout, a customer wants to know if we have something we don't


I'm peak time, so I don't see the horsing around that goes on on O/Ns

[Becks]

Over the PA on a cruise ship during disembarkation; "I have an announcment for the gentleman who lost his watch. It is now 8:15"

Evil. I like it.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

in an official-sounding voice:"Attention........(click!)"
"So-and-so, you're wanted in the bedsheets please, so-and-so, you're wanted in the bedsheets. Thank you!" (paging somebody to meet somebody else in the bedding aisle)
"It's Miller Time!" (This used to be the "all clear" paged by one of the cashiers who worked at my store years ago)

The next few come from a cashier at my store who has to be in her late 70s or early 80s at least and seems to lack a functioning brain-to-mouth filter.

"Customer assistance to the women's undies please, customer assistance to the women's undies. Thank you." (I am still waiting for her to page for a price check or customer assistance with condoms or hemorrhoid cream or laxatives or some such embarrassing item.)
"General merchandise dial ### for a price check in seasonal, on a snowman statue, where did you find this? Top shelf? On the top shelf...all the way to left. Thank you."
"General merchandise dial ### for a price check, general merchandise dial ### for a price check. Thank you. (To customer) Yeah, they must have forgot to take the sign down."

[Meganjo23]

One slow winter Monday, I remember the front girls calling out customers order numbers as if they were on The Price Is Right. You know, "Order number 138, COME ON DOOOOOWN!!!!"

Also, lately the mic has been acting weird, so sometimes it just... won't work. To combat this, people have been saying "Test" or somesuch before they call the number. Someone decided to put a spin on this buy singing along with the song on the radio... which happened to be tuned to the Cheezy 80's Songs Channel. Yup.