It's Knot as hard as you'd think.

[repsac]

Yes. Play on words on the subject. This isn't totally a sighting, since it also involves customers and employees. So, I opted to stick it here.

I was musing over the grill lady today, inwardly wishing I had witnessed that propane tank coming out of the truck. As I sat here, I suddenly remembered several stories of customers trying to tie or load objects into their cars and failing miserably. I hope you laugh at these as much as I did. This may run long, and end up broken into two posts too.

1.) Sheetrock.

Ever drop a sheet of this stuff? Try it some time, it's rather neat what will happen. Namely, it will float a moment and then settle down with a soft pwomph. No harm to it either. In fact, if you catch it just right, you can send a whole sheet floating down an aisle for some distance. Plywood and OSB will also do this, but sheetrock is the most common.

Now, I'm not totally sure why this happens. Must have something to do with a cushion of air or something, but it's also been the cause of many rather amusing incidents with customers. Case in point, might be what occured at the Orlando Lowe's. (As related to me by a customer.)

This man, while working on his mother's house, had purchased about six sheets of sheetrock. Placing it in the back of his truck, he noted how hard the stuff was to get in and decided that nope, he didn't need to tie it down. Imagine his suprise then as he pulled out onto the highway only to hear screeches and see his sheetrock meandering/floating across the road while other drivers swerved. To quote him. "I didn't even stop. I just kept on going like nothing happened, I mean, I was that embarassed. I should have known better."

2.) Cocoon.

I hated this stuff and loved it at the same time. Basically, it's ground up newsprint packed into bales. These are then tossed into a heavy machine to be ground up and blown into your home. Really good insulation should you ever need it. It was great to work with because it was so light, but I hated it because that machine was heavy. Heavier than myself infact, and that says a lot. (6'8", 220lbs.) Now, to do an average home took around fifteen or twenty of these bales. Some took more, but that's just an average.

Well, one day, this gentleman comes in and buys around fifty bales of this stuff. FIFTY? Ok, we all wondered what the heck he was doing with it, and then decided that no...we didn't want to know. Problem was, brainchild had brought a trailer. Normally, this would have been a good thing. In his case, this trailer was six sizes too small and could barely carry the blower without bending the axle. His truck was his baby, so he didn't want anything in it that might scratch the bed.

Ever hear the term "Creative Packing?" Well, we did that then. I think homer simpson said it best. "I knew those years of playing tetris would pay off!" We must have loaded that truck ten times before everything got sorted out. It was then, that we noticed a minor problem. A problem we noted to the customer who by then was so angry at us that he ignored us. The problem was thus:

While we had managed to get everything on the truck, the trailer was situated so that when the man would turn the truck; if he didn't take a WIDE curve one of three things would happen.

A.) The bales would come off.
B.) One or more would puncture.
C.) A, and B, would happen.

Three guesses which happened. Yeah, you're right. C. I got off work shortly after this, and began to notice little grey piles of stuff all over the road between where I lived and the store. Grey fiber...and some plastic...and oh great. You know, I'm not sure to this day how many bales he lost. Still, for at least six miles that crap was everywhere!

[repsac]

3.) The shower stall.

While it didn't happen to me, this one bears hearing. Mike, my good buddy...also known as Black Mike. (hey he chose that name. Don't ask me why, never figured out.) Well, Mike comes in one day with this dopey grin on his face. I knew that look. Mike, had done something.

After wrangling, and a bribe of a coke, he finally talked.

The day before, a customer had purchased a shower stall from him. Mike, being the good guy he was helped the customer outside with it, only to notice that the customer was in a rather small datsun truck. (old toyota.) The stall, was easily LARGER than the truck and there was no way in heaven or earth that it was going to fit in the bed. Mike turns to the guy and suggested that the store could deliver it, to w hich the man said quote "I was a boy scout. I know how to tie a knot. It'll fit."

FAMOUS LAST WORDS.

Ever wonder what happens when you drop fiberglass at high speed? I'll tell you. It explodes into what looks like a very large puff of white dust. Sometimes it'll hold together, but half the time you won't be able to identify the stuff. Yes dear friends, the stall came off the back of the truck. To the man's credit, his knot held. However, you might think that in the boyscouts they had also taught him that when you tie an object down in the truck, you typically tie it TO the truck. The rope had been tied around the stall, and knotted. It really wasn't physically attached to anything at that point. It suprises me the thing stayed in the truck more than a few minutes, with only gravity keeping it there.

4.) I'll just hold this and...

While amusing, this one nearly ended up a darwin award for the customer. It could have very easily killed him, but didn't. I relate it here because he even said that while it seemed like a good idea at the time, he was in retrospect being rather stupid. He even said I could laugh when he told me, to which I obliged and shared a good giggle with him.

Brainchild had bought himself a brand spanking new fridge. However, he didn't have the straps needed to keep it in his buddy's truck. Being the intrepid sort of fellow, he hit upon an idea. He would stand in the back of the truck, holding the fridge up from behind. That way, he'd keep it from falling over as they drove. He forgot however, that an object at rest, has the tendency to stay at rest.

It all worked fine until they got to a red light. Mr. Newton stepped in, looked at Mr. Murphy and said. "If anything can go wrong, it will. If there's nothing to go wrong, something shall find a way." The light turned green and the driver took off. The fridge, being on wheels, did not. Rather, it slid right back at brain child. His knees struck the tailgate, flipping him up out of it as the fridge then fell smack down on him with a rather nasty CRUNCH. All told he suffered a broken leg, two broken ribs, sixteen stitches in the back of his head, and a sprained groin muscle. It could have been worse.

Wait. Could have been? Actually, it is worse. This gentleman, well it just so happened that he was an OSHA inspector. Occupational Safety and Health Administration. As he put it. "I should have known better." Gee...ya think?

5.) Don't worry. It'll hold.

NEVER ever try to put more than a trailer will carry upon it. It could end up messy. In fact, if you think it looks like too much, then chances are you're right. It is. Go rent something or have it delivered. Why can't people learn this? Do they think that everything will fit?

I remember one man, who comes to buy tile. Not a small box or two, but what ammounted to nearly a ton of the stuff. His trailer, however, wasn't rated for that much. We proved this rather interestingly. (i'll get to that later).

I think, looking back, the trailer must have been designed for a small lawn mower, something only a few hundred pounds. I say this, because to say it was flimsy, would be a gross understatement. I mean come on, one of our guys lifted the thing and moved it out of the way of the forklift. He did this by hand without much effort.

I remember watching them load this thing very slowly. Each box of tile went on, and each time they did that the springs got tighter and tighter. I didn't realise they would bend as far as they did. Halfway through, the axle was resting on the bottom of the trailer, the springs looked like a W, and the man was not happy. "Load the rest dammit!" he screamed. Both guys looked at each other, shrugged and complied. Mike (spoken of earlier) did say at one point "your funeral."

As they loaded, we all hear a loud PANG! and then a second one. "Go on." This guy says. "I've got to get that trailer back to my brother." Uh-oh.

Well, we did get it all on there, but not before the welds holding the springs on had snapped, and both tires had nearly deflated. Would you belive that guy drove off like that? I secretly hope his brother smacked him for doing that to the trailer.

[repsac]

6.) Stop signs and PVC.

This one happened at our competitor, and yet, we all shared a good laugh about this one. PVC pipe, used so often in plumbing, often comes in huge bales banded together. When a company is building homes, it's not unheard of for them to buy one or two bales at a time. Normally, the associates will wrap plastic around the bales to keep everything from shifting. Why? Well, PVC has an odd property. Namely it's slick. VERY slick. Especially when in contact with more PVC. They actually use it for friction type bearings in some appliances.

Why the associates failed to wrap the bale is beyond me, maybe they forgot or maybe the person was new. Either way, when a local plumbing contractor picked up a large bale of the stuff and had it loaded over their truck's top rack, (utility type truck with carry rack) they did nothing to the bale beyond tying it to the truck.

According to the story, the driver was doing fine until the car in front of him stopped suddenly for a stop sign. Slamming on the brakes, he watches to his horror as several javelin like PVC pipes come out of the bale and smack the car in front of him. These pipes struck the vehicle all over the back, and one managed to barely pierce the rear window. (PVC isn't typically considered dangerous. Even at high speeds it would just bend.) The store ended up having to pay for the repairs to repaint the car, along with replacing the window. I'm told, that this isn't cheap in a Bentley...

[Worker-Intellectual]

To the man's credit, his knot held. However, you might think that in the boyscouts they had also taught him that when you tie an object down in the truck, you typically tie it TO the truck. The rope had been tied around the stall, and knotted. It really wasn't physically attached to anything at that point. It suprises me the thing stayed in the truck more than a few minutes, with only gravity keeping it there.

<simpsons reference>"Excellent job, Homner, except traditionally, you tie the other end to the ship!"</simpsons reference>

[Ringtail Z28]

3.) 4.) I'll just hold this and...
It all worked fine until they got to a red light. Mr. Newton stepped in, looked at Mr. Murphy and said. "If anything can go wrong, it will. If there's nothing to go wrong, something shall find a way." The light turned green and the driver took off. The fridge, being on wheels, did not. Rather, it slid right back at brain child. His knees struck the tailgate, flipping him up out of it as the fridge then fell smack down on him with a rather nasty CRUNCH. All told he suffered a broken leg, two broken ribs, sixteen stitches in the back of his head, and a sprained groin muscle. It could have been worse.

Wait. Could have been? Actually, it is worse. This gentleman, well it just so happened that he was an OSHA inspector. Occupational Safety and Health Administration. As he put it. "I should have known better." Gee...ya think?

This gets me thinking about that Snickers commercial a few years ago that had the line, "ever hear a more satisfying crunch?".

[Sofar]

1.) Sheetrock.

You can observe a similar effect at a smaller scale by tossing a compact disc onto a smooth, flat surface. The disc will glide momentarily and then suddenly come to rest. Regarding sheetrock, I really don't know why we don't use plaster anymore. It's much stronger, much better looking, it takes paint better, and it lasts longer. The plaster walls in my former sesquicentennial house were still holding well when I left.

Hmm . . . sheetrock surfing . . . ,

3.) The shower stall.

I've had to deal with fiberglass in the past, and it's not called by that for nothing. It actually is glass. It was invented in 1836 and it consists of fine glass filaments spun into yarn like wool, which is then woven into a stiff sheet. Under the correct conditions glass is remarkably malleable. Careful not to inhale fiberglass dust, or let it settle upon your skin or clothing.

[Gurndigarn]

Regarding sheetrock, I really don't know why we don't use plaster anymore. It's much stronger, much better looking, it takes paint better, and it lasts longer. The plaster walls in my former sesquicentennial house were still holding well when I left.

Sheetrock is cheaper, easier to install... and plaster, at least lathe-and-plaster, is a real bitch to fix if the lathe part ever gets damaged. Like, say, by my four-year-old (at the time) son.

Mostly, though, it's upfront cost (time as well as money) opposed to long-term cost.

[Banrion]

Sheetrock is cheaper, easier to install... and plaster, at least lathe-and-plaster, is a real bitch to fix if the lathe part ever gets damaged. Like, say, by my four-year-old (at the time) son.

Mostly, though, it's upfront cost (time as well as money) opposed to long-term cost.

I HATE PLASTER!!! My b/f and I are trying to update our apt as there is only 1 lightswitch and a total of 6 outlets in the entire apt. The house was built in the 1890's and all of the walls are the horsehair plaster. This makes it next to impossible to do much updating without ripping out entire rooms at a time.

[MadMike]

5.) Don't worry. It'll hold.

LOL, I figured there would be a story like this sooner or later. I have one of my own...

I wasn't here for this one. A couple of my friends were working that day, and my department manager told me the story. A couple guys came in to buy some wooden fencing. For anyone who doesn't know, one of these by itself is somewhat heavy, and enough of them stacked together really weighs a lot. They told the customers to meet them out back by the fenced in storage area (we didn't have an indoor area for this stuff like most places do these days), and they'd open the gate and load it up for them.

When they got out there, it turned out that the customers had only a small passenger car. So where were the pieces supposed to go? On the roof, of course. My friends got the first few pieces on without a problem, but they started to worry about the weight of the load, and expressed their concerns.

"Don't worry, it'll hold!" the customers told them. So they stacked some more on, and the roof started to buckle.

"Don't worry, it'll pop back up after we take these off," the customers assured them. So they stacked the rest on, tied it down, and sent the customers on their way.

About a mile down the road, the whole roof caved in. And the idiot customers actually had the nerve to try and sue the store for it.

As if that wasn't bad enough, a few days later someone else tried the exact same thing, on a day I was working. Interestingly enough, Bob, the department manager had just told me the story of the other idiots earlier that same day.

We got paged to the outside storage area, and there was another customer and his buddy with nothing more than a small passenger car, wanting some wooden fence pieces. Bob took one look, and said something to the effect of, "You've got to be fucking kidding me! Not again!" just loud enough so he and I could hear it, but the customers could not. Then to the customers, "Where were you planning on putting these?" Customer pointed to the roof of the car. Bob refused. Customer got all pissy. Bob told him what happened with the last customer who tried that. Customer swears up and down that he won't sue. Bob still refuses. Customer argues some more. Bob calls the store manager who tells him to go ahead and let them do it, but have them load it themselves, and none of us were to touch any of it. Bob and I watched them load up (had to make sure they weren't taking more than what they paid for), then just kind of shook our heads, closed the gate, and walked away.

I think that "Home Depot Car" link would be appropriate at this point, if someone can go ahead and find it.

[Department stores *sigh*]

o so often when im doing a carry out.

C: Do you think it will fit in my car?
Me: Ma'am. I didnt play Tetris for all those years for nothin!

[Worker-Intellectual]

Whenever I carry something out for a customer, I'm always thinking "Please be a truck, please be a truck, please be a truck, please- crap!"

[protege]

Ah, the memories... Nearly every night at Hechinger's we'd get some idiot who would try to do things like that.

1. One night, a guy came in and bought one of those red "Snap On" toolboxes. (For those who don't know, this thing looks like a big red chest of drawers on wheels. If you've ever watched a NASCAR race, they sometimes have them in the pit areas.) Anyway, this guy just had to have one of the larger ones, and insist we load it up for him. Ok, fine. He pulled his car around, and that's when the fun started. Even though he had a large station wagon, he insisted on putting the damn thing on the roof rack. Why? Even though the rear seat was down, the *entire* car was filled with crap. (Don't get me started about people who don't clean out their car, and then go buy a huge item and get pissy about it.) Did I mention how heavy that toolbox was? It took four of us to get it up there But, once it was up there, he bitched because one of the metal box fasteners not only scratched up his roof rack, but part of the car's roof as well Since he declined our offer of paper (we'd give that out to *prevent* such problems, he was pretty SOL. I sure hope he got help to get that damn thing off of there.

2. Sheetrock sucks. Why is it that someone can load the stuff into their station wagon, truck, or van perfectly...but break a sheet or two while unloading it? Usually, it's because they're careless...but that doesn't stop them from coming back and complaining that "it was like that when I bought it." Uh, if it was like that, why did you buy it?

3. This one takes the cake. We had a guy in a rusty old 1970s Impala come in one night for some concrete mix. IIRC, he ended up filling his entire trunk (along with part of the rear seat) with bags. As we're putting them in, we noticed that the car kept getting lower and lower. We asked him if he wanted to come back later for the rest...and he insisted on making a single trip. Let's just say his exhaust scraped the ground and his car was never the same after that--he'd bent several things up

[Sofar]

Mostly, though, it's upfront cost (time as well as money) opposed to long-term cost.

Fine, go with the cheap option. These modern houses will never last. Doesn't matter, though, seeing as everything gets torn down before the ripe old age of twenty these days.

[aqutalion]

I HATE PLASTER!!! My b/f and I are trying to update our apt as there is only 1 lightswitch and a total of 6 outlets in the entire apt. The house was built in the 1890's and all of the walls are the horsehair plaster. This makes it next to impossible to do much updating without ripping out entire rooms at a time.

My dad's house had drywall with plaster on top of it. Even on the ceilings. It was heavy as hell, and by the time I left, much of it had either fallen down (nearly hitting me in the head, once), or was getting ready to. Why they'd put something that heavy on a ceiling is beyond me. Dad thought it was a case of lazy remodelers who couldn't be bothered to remove the old ceiling/walls before putting in a new one.

[MadMike]

Whenever I carry something out for a customer, I'm always thinking "Please be a truck, please be a truck, please be a truck, please- crap!"

That reminds me of the time my buddy came over to wire some new outlets in the basement I was finishing. He had brought his pickup truck, so I asked him if he'd mind taking me somewhere to get a nice big TV for down there, since there was no way something like that would fit in my little Saturn. He said he would.

I picked up a nice 33" TV, which of course is much bigger than that in the box with all the packing material. As the guy was wheeling it up front for me, he asked me, "You don't have a Geo Metro, do you?" I told him no, I had my friend's pickup truck. I asked him if that kind of thing happened often, and he just kind of rolled his eyes, and said, "Just about every time!"