My Night was sad :(

[saint]

About 8 months ago I quit <pizza place> to work at <alzheimers care home>. We care for our residents physically, mentally, and spiritally. Which means I change poopy diapers, deal with "fingerpainters" etc. as well as pray with them if they ask, which is intersting because I'm not religous. It's full care for people with dementia.
Anyways, I was on graveyard last night and we had a resident pass away. I balled my eyes out when I got home this morning. Her husband was there and he was crying and kissing her goodbye.
But it was a quiet death. She was in a lot of pain, and on a lot of drugs. She just went to sleep and didn't wake up.
Whoever tells you not to get attached to people when you work in this kind of job, is full of shit. How can you not? Your with them every day, doing kinds of care for them that most of their families wont even do.
But, as another caregiver said, it is one of the nicest things you can do for a person, to care for them in the last days of their life.

[Crazeyal]

It's not that you DON'T get emotional.. it's that you learn to detach yourself out of self preservation. Don't look at it as being unfeeling, just that people who deal with death on a regular basis have a differant perspective on loss.

Being that you were affected this way, speaks volumes on your nature. You are a good person to give your feelings to people who need it. Some people get jaded and stop caring. Some people adjust to the situation you work in by becoming better people, and simply enjoying the positive things all that much more.

You sound like one of the latter.

[Aethian]

*snugs* I went through that...just know that she no longer hurts. Makes it easier.

[freeatlast]

Right after I graduated from high school, I took a job as a nurse's aid in a nursing home. After a few months, my parents begged me to quit the job because they were having trouble dealing with my devastation every time a patient died. Like the OP said, you take care of their needs on a daily basis and no matter how hard you try it is impossible not to become attached. Each death was like losing a grandparent.

[RangerJake72]

it helps if you are psychotic, or just emotionally unavailable.... or maybe thats just me

I know the wife gets all upset when one of the residents she takes care of passes, which is of course sad, but she deals with them on a daily basis, not the minutes i dealt with people in the back of an ambulance

[iradney]

You are a fantastic person.
*HUGS*

[Damien]

Just remember that you were one of the kind people who made her as comfortable and peaceful as possible in her last days - it takes a person of incredible strength and compassion to do that.

People like you are rare - please follow the good advice of the posters in this thread.

[saint]

All of you are so kind. Talking with you, and you comments have made me feel much better.
*loves you all*

[draftermatt]

My wife works in a Nursing home. She got attached to a few residents, and they've all died, and it was hard on her when each died.

Because of that she doesn't allow herself to get close to them anymore. (Now that she's a charge nurse and not an aide that helps too).

A friend of my wife's worked in the same nursing home as my wife, but she got too attached and couldn't do it. She works in a hospital now.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope that it gets easier on you with time.

[Supermarket Slave Girl]

I'm doing my cert 3 in aged care at the moment and I do work experience at the nursing home.

For the past month I've been working at the hostel where the residents are alot more independant, as of Friday i'll be down in the actual nursing part caring for the residents there.

I did ask my supervisor how she deals with the death of a resident and she told me that yes, there will be some residents you'll get attatched but you have to keep in perspective that they've gone to a better place, who wants to live the last 10 years of there life having their butt wiped and having to be fed and not able to get around by themselves, especially if their min is still all their, it'd be hell, i wouldn't want to live like that.

About 10 years ago my grandmother had a stroke and is unable to do anything for herself, when she was still able to speak she told me she wanted to die.

I was upset to hear her speak like this but the way she is know it would be better for her to go and be free.

Try to think of it that way, it takes a special person to do the job, you've got it in you

[Ree]

How sad.

I admire you for what you do, and for being such a caring person.

Loss is hard. There are so many great people here with shoulders to cry on and ears for listening if you ever need to vent.

The attachment is one of the reasons why I won't do foster care for babies and little ones.
I would just get so attached, that every time one of them moved on, my heart would break.

[Dips]

I'm very sorry you lost your patient. It's a very hard thing for good caregivers. And it's a lonely grief for you as most people think only family and close friends can be affected by such a loss.

Your pain is the price you pay for being a good person who cares about others. As long as it doesn't interfere with your ability to live your life, it's not a bad thing.

Peace.