Tweet
So my company, in an effort to get its credit card into the wallets, purses and pocketbooks of more shoppers, has rolled out a new promotion to encourage people to sign up: Sign up for the card and, upon approval, receive 10% off your total purchases, plus a savings pass for 10% off a future purchase.
To promote this, corporate has sent us special signing to put around the store, plus little ribbons we're supposed to attach to our name tags. I refuse to wear one, because it would get ripped and dirty and eventually fall off from all the physical work I do.
Q: So Irv, you charming, handsome smartypants you, how do I get me some of this fanshmabulous deal?
A: It's easy! All you have to do is the following:
I swear, our corporate suits must be incapable of seeing anything other than dollar signs, and must spend their days wandering the halls of the corporate office muttering "munn-neee" incessantly.
To promote this, corporate has sent us special signing to put around the store, plus little ribbons we're supposed to attach to our name tags. I refuse to wear one, because it would get ripped and dirty and eventually fall off from all the physical work I do.
Q: So Irv, you charming, handsome smartypants you, how do I get me some of this fanshmabulous deal?
A: It's easy! All you have to do is the following:
- Ask about the credit card at the cash register or the service desk
- At the service desk, fill out a big honkin' long application/questionnaire with your name, address, income, date of birth, SSN and all that other credit card-y stuff.
- While you are filling out the application, completely tie up the line at the service desk, so that the businesswoman needing to return a pair of jeans has to sit and stew in line until such time as her lunch break is almost up and/or she decides to swear at you.
- Submit application so it can be entered into the computer and a decision can be made to approve you or not.
- If approved, receive 10% discount on your total purchase, which may or may not need to be re-rung at the cash register, or will need to be rung at the service desk if you haven't already checked out. Wait for 10% savings pass to arrive via e-mail, I think.
- If not approved, tough shit, no 10% discount for you today, no 10% savings pass in the future, do you still want that $300 worth of stuff in your cart or shall we add it to Mt. St. Returns behind the service desk?
I swear, our corporate suits must be incapable of seeing anything other than dollar signs, and must spend their days wandering the halls of the corporate office muttering "munn-neee" incessantly.
you.
Comment