Conference calls are a waste of my life...

[ShugoAC]

I have conference calls a couple of times a week to discuss what's going on, talk about what we need to accomplish , etc etc etc ... they alway suck.

Not just because they drag on and on and on going over the same 3 things we've been told a hundred times. But because my manager has gotten it in his head that we should all bring a "topic" to discuss together, *every time* we have a call. I dont mind my coworkers, i can chat with them, but god help me if one more person asks what our strengths and weaknesses are... (My strength is i haven't thrown anything at you in a long time, my weakness is that the urge is almost uncontrollable)

*sigh*

I've got another call in 90mins. I dont have a topic. I dont care about the topic. Did i mention we hear about not having a topic for days if we dont bring one? It's almost Office Space-y with their TPS reports.

*losing the will to live*

[JoitheArtist]

It could be (a little) worse. My CEO likes to hold two-hour-long conference calls with managers who've called in sick, with the rest of the managers gthered around to discuss X project, because HEAVEN FORBID we don't mull over every single little bit of feedback about the project. Oh, and that's only to have the CEO proclaim that project X isn't remotely like what she wanted, it's all wrong, even though she approved every step, so we go back over everything, only to end up with the EXACT SAME THING which she is then happy with.

[Skeksin]

Topic: New Jersey. It's neither new nor a shirt. Discuss.

[Mr Hero]

Topic: New Jersey. It's neither new nor a shirt. Discuss.

Why do they call it new jersey anyway? It's over 150 years old! Last time I checked, it's not that new.

[Chromatix]

It's newer than the Channel Island (British Dependent Territory on the French side of the English Channel) called Jersey.

[Ronald]

Write up a topic in advance that you have to literally read aloud... It has to be written in double Phd english so that the normal individual could not understand what the fuck you were talking about unless they had at least a masters degree.

Make sure the question is geared towards management.. What it amounts to is either something that is written in language so above everyone else that they will choose not to speak in order to not reveal their own stupidity, or is such gibberish that they can't figure out what the hell you said. For this to work, you have to have enough recognizable speech in it that they are aware you are speaking about intelligence.