Speeling not required.

[repsac]

(mispelled on purpose)

Got thinking about some of the strange spellings I've seen on applications over the years and thought I'd share them. My thoughts in ()'s

from the "Position Desired" line:

Assississtant Manager (Mississippi?)

Ass Manager. (uh...the period is in the WRONG place.)

Asst Man. (I'm so manly, I need an assistant! WOO!)

A Man (uh...Not a dating service thank you.)

Mangler (Well, I do butcher the english language.)

Boss (to the point...)

Names:

You'd be suprised how many times a person would mispell their own named. We had one that had three different spellings on the same page. I so wanted to ask him which spelling he answered to, and if they were all pronounced differently.

Wages Desired: (while not spelling, these can be amusing).

7.25 per. (Per what? Hour? Day? Year?)

negotiable (you're applying for a minimum wage job, and you expect us to negotiate your pay? )

mini wag. (bring your dog with you?)

minimum wagey (wagey? What the heck is a wagey? Please, someone show me...I'd love to know!)

150K dollars per year. (HA!)

Experience: (Usually you list years)

No. (No? You don't or no you're not telling me?)

Yes (Uh....that wasn't a yes or no question.)

Will Train. (good. We weren't asking that though)


Work History: (this should be simple...and yet...)

Years employed: 0.57 (ohkay...poindexter, put the calculator away and give me a REAL answer here. Not the square root of PI to the umpteenth number. You are not being witty.)

Reason for Leaving: Went to Prison for Crime I did not commit. ( )

Position Held: Any the boss needed me in? (uh. That's a bit vague, and can be interpeted the wrong way. Mind elaborating? And why is it a question?)

Reason I should Hire You:

I need a job. (I gathered as much from the application.)

You know you want me. (I do? Since when?)

Satan says you must hire me. (HELP! )

If you don't, I'll kill myself and then kill you. (I'd love to see you try.)

I'll have sex with you. (Uh...not to sound mean or anything, but SIR, I'm not into that.)

By far, the most fun comes from the following question:

Have you ever been convicted of a felony, and if so what?

DUI Six months, fourteen days ago. (Gotta love him counting the days...)

I've not been convicted, but I'm charged with one. (uh....ok?)

Murder, but I was released on good behavior. (And what job was it you wanted sir? Company car with that? Expense plan?)



One guy, actually attached his criminal record (background check) once and just put "read attached." I won't go into details, but would you belive he got hired? No theft or violent crimes on it, FYI. HE, ended up being a great manager.

[Sofar]

Reason I should Hire You:

That's a refreshingly succinct question.

[Ree]

We've gotten some pretty wild applications over the years.

I swear some of them are from people who were told they had to show proof that they were applying for work or their benefits would be cut off.

I had the one with their name misspelled. I couldn't believe it.

People just don't realize how important that application is.

[Gurndigarn]

from the "Position Desired" line:

Assississtant Manager (Mississippi?)

Ass Manager. (uh...the period is in the WRONG place.)

Or during the interview: "Yeah, I can be a good Ass Man."
"Huh?"
"The Ass Man. You know, the guy who pushes the employees around, gets them to do stuff, so that you can be the Good Man."
"Ah. Were you aware that we have a staff of four, including me in that number, and we usually work alone?"

[draftermatt]

Best one we ever got:

"Are you legally eligible to work in this country?" - No.

I forgot one. I had just finished interviewing this girl and I gave her the job. She then asks me:

"Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Ok?"
"Do you do drug tests?"
"No."
"Good because I made a "mistake" a few weeks ago, and I wouldn't pass"
"As long as you don't do it here, come here high/drunk, or have it start affecting your work I don't care what you do"

[Ryu]

I have put wage negotiable before because i have no iidea what their starting pay is and if i say higher it might look bad if i say lower and they higher me at that...

[lordlundar]

Wow. I could just pull a Gord on som of those and grade them in front of their faces.

[Becks]

If you don't, I'll kill myself and then kill you. (I'd love to see you try.)

That WOULD be interesting to see. Hmmmmmmmmm. Oh, I know how it could be done. Two glasses of poison, one stronger than the other. Applicant drinks the stronger dose, leaving you with the weaker one.

Bleh.

[Rapscallion]

You'd be suprised how many times a person would mispell their own named. We had one that had three different spellings on the same page. I so wanted to ask him which spelling he answered to, and if they were all pronounced differently.

Shakespeare has many signatures in museums, but he managed either seven or nine different spellings for that (can't remember which).

I suspect the ones getting their own names wrong three times are no Shakespeares.

Raspcallion

[BrightEyedKitty]

Oh boy, let's see...

1. Cross-outs, scribbles, arrows drawn to writing in the margins.
2. We have one at work right now where the kid misspelled the street he lives on, AND the city.
3. "Please list times you are NOT available to work: Open to close"
4. Coming in to ask for an an app while sucking on a sucker or popping gum.
5. No references listed on an application.
6. Applications filled out in pencil.
7. Incomplete applications. i.e. Start and end dates of last job not filled in, no phone number or supervisor's name, etc.
8. Applicant does not list their own phone number.
9. Did I mention misspellings?
10. (On the phone) "Ayalhirin?" Me: "I'm sorry, what?" (Gets attitude) "ARE Y'ALL HIRIN'?" Me: "No, I'm sorry, we're not."
11. Blatantly ignoring the intended layout of the application as far as checkboxes. For example:

Are you a United States Citizen or legally eligible to work in the United States?
[ ]Yes [ ]No

Now, the proper way to answer these is either an X or check mark in the appropriate checkbox, right? Like so: [x]Yes -- Blatantly obvious.

However, for some reason, we have people who underline or circle them.

12. Don't wear a shirt that says, "Snatch" on it when you come in to ask for a job. I know it's all cute and witty that the word "Snatch" is designed to look like the Snapple logo, but it just isn't appropriate.

12. I understand that not everybody has super-neat handwriting, but if I cannot read your name, your phone number, or other pertinient info, I will not even bother considering hiring you.

13. I also understand that some otherwise very intelligent people do have learning disabilities, but in many cases, you can tell who's actually making an effort and who just doesn't give a [insert expletive here]. For God's sake, if you need help because you can't or don't know how to spell a certain word, please show you at least want the job by asking someone for help! (Hey, Mom, how do you spell "Sylvania"?) Spelling doesn't count so much on the job (I don't care if you spell "Centennial" "Centeneneial" in the computer as long as we know where it is), but your application sends a very real message! Unless I'm doing the hiring and I actualy am the one who accepts your application from you and I get a chance to talk to you and see that you are a very nice, intelligent person and that you want the job, the app is all I have to go on!

14. Another pet peeve: In the part of the application that says, "Please list times you are NOT available to work", if you put something like, "Monday 5-8pm, Tuesday, Wed 1-10pm, Thursday 4-6pm, Friday before 6, Saturday open to close, Sunday 10-noon" I'm not going to bother, because it either looks like you have a very limited availability, or you just didn't bother to read this part correctly and you're actually listing the times you ARE available to work. The food service busines can be unpredictable, and I need people who are going to be flexible, not people who are going to throw a fit because I need them to stay later, or who are going to have to bolt out the door at 5pm just as the dinner rush starts.
14a. Despite this, we do try to be very flexible as far as requested days off. More often than not, you will get it. (For instance: If you are in school, of course we would work around you.)

15. Sketchy job history: If you are 16 years old and you've already had 7 jobs, that will make me a bit leery about hiring you. It either means, a) You can't get along with the people you work with, b) You can't pick up on the job well enough for them to retain you, or c) You have no real interest in working, or you expect the world from an employer and quit because they ask you to make some concessions.
I understand this particular type of job tends to have high turnover, but quite frankly, I'd much rather hire someone and have a reason to keep them around for a few years, than hire someone new every freakin' week. If it's blatanly obvious that I'm going to be hiring someone next week to replace you, why should I bother?
15a. This is even worse if you are 35 years old. At least the 16 year old has an excuse.

I'm sure I;ve got more.

[friendofjimmyk]

Seen on an application for a cocktail server at a gentleman's club..

Reason for leaving: My boss was a prick!

[DesignFox]

that's funny!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Another tip: don't bring friends or siblings with you when you pick up the application.

When I got my application for my current job, my sister and her friend were along, and right there they decided to say, loud enough for lots of people to hear, "Say, didn't that guy (meaning me) get arrested for shoplifting here a while ago?"

Fortunately, I got the job.

[Seanette]

12. I understand that not everybody has super-neat handwriting, but if I cannot read your name, your phone number, or other pertinient info, I will not even bother considering hiring you.

This is why some of us *like* computerized applications (such as Web sites). My handwriting probably should have gotten me a full ride to med school.

[Sofar]

I had the one with their name misspelled. I couldn't believe it.

Chances are their parents just gave them a creative spelling, in an effort to be individual without having to try too hard. Speaking as a man whose given name comes from Old English and hasn't been used in centuries, (and even then not that often,) this trend bothers me. And my parents also used a reasonably phonetic and intuitive spelling.