Military Urinalysis stories

[PepperElf]

Cos I didn't want to threadjack

The only time it really sucked was while i was still in school... they tested by school & duty section. One week they called my school & duty section 1 twice. Then we got called up again the following week on a Wednesday I think.

Everyone: OK who are they trying to catch?
Someone: Well that should be the last for this week.
Me: No, there's 2 more days they can test us.

Urinalysis list for Friday: Section 1. <yep I was right>

By then our LPOs were pissed (no pun intended) and started yelling at the people testing us cos something wasn't right.... It turned out they had started using a new database and they forgot to put in the other 3 duty sections! O_o

After that it went normal again.

Oh but we did have one guy pop positive in school. He shrugged it off, saying "It's OK! My OTH will automatically turn into a General after x months, then it turns into an Honorable Discharge"

Turns out... when I got to my first ship I read a statement written by the MCPON about OTH (Other Than Honorable) discharges and drug use. To get an OTH upgraded ... it's not automatic, you have to request it. And ... in over 3 years they hadn't granted any request for personnel convicted of drug use. So yeah, that Honorable the kid was talking about? Never gonna happen.

[Mr_Bandwagon]

About a decade ago I worked in a training sq. Every year we would close for 2 weeks over the holidays and all of the student where allowed to take leave. This was done because other wise with classes starting back-to-back all year round the instructors would never get a chance to take more then two days off in a row. Anyway, every year we would tell the student that every single one of them would be drug tested when they returned from leave and every single year at least two of them would pop hot for something. Usually marijuana, but one year…

How does and E2 even afford coke?

[finlayfox]

well, a few years back when i was still training a BESS(Basic Enlisted Submarine School) there were random whiz quizzes everyday of 100 ppl(out of approximately 2,000).
Well, one time i was popped for it 3 times in a row(tues,wed,thurs). on the third time i was asking the E5's running the thing if they were trying to catch me. they looked at me quizzically and looked down at their papers) Now one of 'em i knew pretty well and he knew i wasn't a shitbag... he asks me if i had pissed of a senior chief(i had) because they always leave 3 spots open for the higher ups to get a name put on for ppl that they suspect use drugs. Well this senior had put my name on their all 3 times
So armed with this information after taking the UA... again, i go pay a visit to this guy.

me- at the time, E3
SC(Senior Chief)-E8 hardass twat

I ask him if i can speak freely. He says go ahead.
me - "Senior Chief, I understand you don't like me. I don't like you. We just don't get along. But for you to suspect me of using drugs because we don't like each other is a bit much. If you suspected me and had my name put on the UA list once, maybe even twice is understandable. But 3 times in a fucking row?!?! I am not a shitbag Senior and I follow orders to a T, so please stop putting my name on that list because it is annoying and it is causing me to get behind in my classes."
SC - "Are you finished?"
me - "Yes Senior Chief."
SC - "Ok Seamen finlayfox I have heard you out now listen to me. I will not put your name on the UA list anymore but you will run 3 miles a day for me for the next 2 weeks for this outburst. Is that understood?"
me - "Aye Senior Chief"
SC - "I will see you at 0530 tomorrow morning at the track. You are dismissed."
me - "Aye Senior Chief." (about-face and leave)

That was the best 42 miles i ever ran. Also, i ended up being pretty good friends with him once i made petty officer

[crashhelmet]

I never made it into the service. I was classified 4-F and teased with Section 8, but i'll save that story for another post. however, in that whole process I had to go to MEPS 6 times. Each time, I got put through a UA.

During one of the trips, I wasn't thinking before hand and ate a big breakfast of frosted flakes with a tall glass of sugary pineapple juice. Apparently, the sugar intake was so high that they couldn't get accurate results. I had to continuously drink water to flush out all of the sugar so that they could get a clean test. it was a pain in the ass.

CH

[AccountingDrone]

So you are headed to Ct ... I just sent you a PM ...