Perhaps "failed" a computerized psyc test?

[JLRodgers]

Now this is perhaps one of the strangest things ever....

I've applied to a number of positions (as my company is really hurting right now as we only really deal with business clients, and the businesses are hurting....so....). Today I've started getting some "thanks for applying but..." letters. One struck me as, odd. "I didn't have the qualifications for the job."

The job qualifications?
1) Alive and breathing (not said, but makes the list funnier)
2) Not a terrorist (implied)
3) Legal to live in the country (listed in "I agree that...")
4) High School or GED (outright said a few times)

That was it. Since last I knew I was alive, wasn't on a terrorist list, been born and lived here my entire life (and pretty much in the same state, and even city for that matter).... and I have multiple college degrees (different majors, highest BA)... I seem to of been "qualified' for the position (not to mention experience that was in other fields, just not that specific one, but had the same and similar duties).

The only thing that they made required after you submitted their online form (and I swear most of those are horrible... I swear the person who designed them needs slapped), you had to take a psyc test! So apparently I failed a psyc test... which is odd considering I've passed them before (was a psyc major).

Here's some samples from the tests i've taken (standard strongly disagree to strongly agree -- where "is true/applies to me" is the agree, etc) -- some of these are actual word-for-word what was asked! Most are summarized however, or just two questions combined into one.

• I like doing drugs at work
• When I'm doing the drugs, I like to beat up my coworkers
• I like to fantasize about killing my coworkers
• Drugs enhance my fantasies of how to kill my coworkers
• When someone upsets me, I beat the crap out of them
• I anger easily
• Drugs make me anger easily from withdrawal
• I like selling drugs at the workplace
• Sometimes I rape my coworkers
• When doing ____ (ex:marijuana) at home, I prefer to use a (details of how to use the drug I'm guessing as the drug varies, and they go in depth)
• When I'm doing ___, I prefer to smoke it over injecting it
• I'm not not ______ [ex: addicted to drugs, been convicted of a felony]

And be sure to repeat those same questions over and over.... I was asked "do you do drugs" at least 4 times using that exact phrase, sometimes back-to-back, and again numerous other ways). The last one I've seen a few times. they actually put "not" in there twice, and I wonder "typo or intentional double negative?" -- and you really don't want to get that assumption wrong!

And every so often they put in things like "I like myself", and "I work well with others" - but overall those were almost never asked because apparently they think you'll lie about that.

So it really bothered me.... to pass a psyc exam of these natures.... you have to be a druggie serial killer rapist!

I don't know whether to be annoyed that apparently I failed their psyc test, or glad because I don't want to work with druggie serial killer rapists. Or if the 'not qualified" is just a template way of saying "uh, we had 2000 people apply for this crap position, and uh, we just send this out to anyone applying after we get 50 applicants"


I hope, really do, it's the latter.... my county is listed as being a "poor" county in my state including the surrounding states. There's at least 2,000 people unemployed in my county (about 10%), with similar around.


Edit: Forgot the worst question I was asked!
"When you stole something from your last employer, did you get caught?"
how can you possibly answer that one?!?

[artifical sweetner]

[*]Sometimes I rape my coworkers

hmm what about ALL the time...sometimes just doesnt cover it

[JLRodgers]

hmm what about ALL the time...sometimes just doesnt cover it

That's what I thought! Strangely that was a question for a oil company.... that only hires men for non-office positions.....

And I had to answer a lot of other questions too -- sex at work (the rape was probably added because of the sex question), beating up people at work, punching customers. I kept on thinking "if this hadn't happened before..... would they be asking it now?"

If it wasn't that they said do not call us about employment I would've stopped the test halfway through and called to ask "It's a joke right? You really don't want people to answer these questions?" But didn't want to risk not getting a position because of that requirement

[ArcticChicken]

....the fuck?

[ArcticChicken]

....although "not qualified" is probably just a generic response.

[ArcticChicken]

Seriously though, what the fuck?

*wanders away muttering*

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Edit: Forgot the worst question I was asked!
"When you stole something from your last employer, did you get caught?"
how can you possibly answer that one?!?

By any chance, was "When did you stop beating your spouse?" on the test?

You gotta love those personality tests. They grade you on how well you lie, which makes them useless anyway, but the suits insist on using them so they can delude themselves into thinking they've got a magic formula to weed out the no-goodniks.

[Andara Bledin]

I remember reading something somewhere about how employee quality went down when institutionalized testing was implemented.

The summary was that if you used an institutional test, then the only people that would ever be accpetable to hire were either the middle-of-the-road types who never excel at anything (good or bad), and people who knew how to lie on those tests who were more often bad employees than good.

My suspicion on this one? You were overqualified.

^-.-^

[JLRodgers]

By any chance, was "When did you stop beating your spouse?" on the test?

Nope



Although I'm really beginning to think with a number of these jobs, that the company needs to hire a new HR or computer person considering the poor state of their application process.... It's like they take a paper form ("if you answered yes, then....") types of things and just typed them all out.
And I've lost count to the number of forms that want your resume, so I paste in (as per instructions) a plain text (as in, was in notepad prior) version -- and has the form fail to submit. So I remove the entire resume and type in direct "Form did not work when pasted in plain text resume, please call or write so I can send it in." and still have it fail.

[wildman]

By any chance, was "When did you stop beating your spouse?" on the test?

You gotta love those personality tests. They grade you on how well you lie, which makes them useless anyway, but the suits insist on using them so they can delude themselves into thinking they've got a magic formula to weed out the no-goodniks.

Then how did numbnuts get a job?

[aqutalion]

I've read a couple of jobseeker-advice columns that say to avoid companies that make you fill these out, especially without at least a phone interview first. The implication is that either they don't trust their own employees, or think you should grovel and jump through hoops for a chance to work there.

But I'm about to go for a third (!?) interview with a company whose questionnaire could be summarized thus:

Are you thief?
Are you sure you're not a thief?
Are you really, really sure you're not a thief?
Are you really, really, double-dog-dare cross-your-heart-and-hope-to-die sure you're not a thief?
Do you know any thieves?
Have you seen a thief on TV?
Have you ever looked up the word thief in a dictionary?
Even if you weren't thief, would you steal something?

...etc, etc, etc

The kicker is, this position was one that required the applicants to already have a government security clearance. Anyone who got far enough along to get to this questionnaire would already have gone through and passed a background check, making the whole thing redundant.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Then how did numbnuts get a job?

You know, I don't think my company uses those stupid tests.

At least I don't recall ever having to take one when applying for work at the swamp. Just an interview with a bunch of vague questions about leadership or some such, like "Describe a time you went above and beyond to help somebody."

I do know I had to take one at a grocery store I applied to in that same job search.

[JLRodgers]

I've read a couple of jobseeker-advice columns that say to avoid companies that make you fill these out, especially without at least a phone interview first.

I think I'd agree with them -- especially if they said "never make you fill them out no matter what". What's strange is, the jobs that make you do them are sometimes retail-based ones, sometimes not.

I applied at the local hospital in town too -- can't remember if they asked for one (can't remember -- their site not allowing resume uploads or even a resume to be provided without crashing sticks in my mind too much) -- but I'm thinking they don't really care. They just want warm bodies, with degrees if needed for a position.

[powerboy]

Although I'm really beginning to think with a number of these jobs, that the company needs to hire a new HR or computer person considering the poor state of their application process.... It's like they take a paper form ("if you answered yes, then....") types of things and just typed them all out.
And I've lost count to the number of forms that want your resume, so I paste in (as per instructions) a plain text (as in, was in notepad prior) version -- and has the form fail to submit.

Oh, I hate that. Happens quite a lot to me.

[Dreamstalker]

You gotta love those personality tests. They grade you on how well you lie, which makes them useless anyway, but the suits insist on using them so they can delude themselves into thinking they've got a magic formula to weed out the no-goodniks.

I hate those things...I suspect that I lost out on a few good jobs because something wasn't answered the way they wanted. I'd like to find the genius who came up with the idea...if a company wants a real personality test, they should pay for one that's halfway accurate.