My next shift (on Monday) will be my first overnight shift. After two months of going to bed early so I can be reasonably coherent when my day starts at 7:30AM, I now have to go to bed late so I can sleep late enough to still be reasonably coherent when my day ends at 7:30AM.
It seemed like a great idea when I volunteered for it. But here I am, at 11:00pm, ready to sleep... but two days from now, I'll just be getting warmed up at this hour.
I've got a feeling I'm going to be punchy enough to answer the phone, "Hello, thank you for calling. It's four AM. The internet is asleep. I'll be waking it up at 7:30AM."
Or, "Thank you for calling. I'll be happy to help you get connected again. Grab a hammer and screwdriver and we can get started."
Or, "Your internet's not working because you've already exceeded your daily allotment of porn... and it's only 4:30AM, dude. Try again at midnight... and pace yourself, okay?"
Or, "I'm going to do you a big favor and hang up. If I help you send that email you just wrote, she's going to be pissed at you forever when she reads it. After you sober up, you'll thank me for this."
Or, "Yeah, being offered $10 million to help the former President of Nigeria's wife's brother-in-law launder $50 million is a ripoff. Hold out for $15 million, then go for it. You're worth it."
It seemed like a great idea when I volunteered for it. But here I am, at 11:00pm, ready to sleep... but two days from now, I'll just be getting warmed up at this hour.
I've got a feeling I'm going to be punchy enough to answer the phone, "Hello, thank you for calling. It's four AM. The internet is asleep. I'll be waking it up at 7:30AM."
Or, "Thank you for calling. I'll be happy to help you get connected again. Grab a hammer and screwdriver and we can get started."
Or, "Your internet's not working because you've already exceeded your daily allotment of porn... and it's only 4:30AM, dude. Try again at midnight... and pace yourself, okay?"
Or, "I'm going to do you a big favor and hang up. If I help you send that email you just wrote, she's going to be pissed at you forever when she reads it. After you sober up, you'll thank me for this."
Or, "Yeah, being offered $10 million to help the former President of Nigeria's wife's brother-in-law launder $50 million is a ripoff. Hold out for $15 million, then go for it. You're worth it."
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