I think something in me snapped this morning. The thought of spending one more day in a classroom with kids who don't care raised by parents who care even less makes me sick. I can't go in tomorrow. I cannot do it...but I will anyway.
I was supposed to have job security this year....but they "went in another direction." What the fuck does that even mean? I don't have a degree from a fancy school so I'm not a good teacher but that asshole help a student cheat on a test and destroy 200 brand new books but he's so fucking wonderful because of where he went to school? That's all I heard about him his first year--his fucking major and the school he got it from.
And now this place? How the hell am I supposed to not give up on a kid when they've already given up on themselves? I'm sorry....you can't expect me to reach every single kid every single time and teach poetry. The Dead Poet's Society is fictional. How much more of my soul do you plan on sucking out of me??
Oh, let's not forget all the money I still need to throw towards another degree I "need" to renew my liscence. This job is too fucking expensive to keep, but pays too well to leave--how does that even work??
And then to really illustrate what a worthless asshole I am my cat accidentally scratched up my foot when he ran across it and I kicked him. Thankfully I didn't hurt him, it wasn't hard, but he looked up at me with a "mom, why?" look and let me clutch him as I bawled on the floor. He's an awesome cat and I don't deserve him.
I always feel dead and trapped from November to May and I just can't do it anymore. But what else am I going to do?
I was supposed to have job security this year....but they "went in another direction." What the fuck does that even mean? I don't have a degree from a fancy school so I'm not a good teacher but that asshole help a student cheat on a test and destroy 200 brand new books but he's so fucking wonderful because of where he went to school? That's all I heard about him his first year--his fucking major and the school he got it from.
And now this place? How the hell am I supposed to not give up on a kid when they've already given up on themselves? I'm sorry....you can't expect me to reach every single kid every single time and teach poetry. The Dead Poet's Society is fictional. How much more of my soul do you plan on sucking out of me??
Oh, let's not forget all the money I still need to throw towards another degree I "need" to renew my liscence. This job is too fucking expensive to keep, but pays too well to leave--how does that even work??
And then to really illustrate what a worthless asshole I am my cat accidentally scratched up my foot when he ran across it and I kicked him. Thankfully I didn't hurt him, it wasn't hard, but he looked up at me with a "mom, why?" look and let me clutch him as I bawled on the floor. He's an awesome cat and I don't deserve him.
I always feel dead and trapped from November to May and I just can't do it anymore. But what else am I going to do?
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