You Put The Lemon In The Coconut
SC: I got a RAIN CHECK! Oh, and I got a FREE COUPON! Oh, and I want you to DOUBLE-BAG this order! Oh, and I want this BAGGED SEPERATELY!
Me: Ugh.
SC: (finally puts the items of seperation on the belt) HERE! (hands me the free coupon, which I put on the little counter next to the scanner) HERE! (hands me the rain check, which I put next to me on the scanner)
Me: Do you have the store card?
SC: (immediately ignoring me) So Hilda, every time I open the wallet I have to close the...
Hilda: (points at me even though I'm not gesturing or anything)
SC: What? Oh, HERE (takes the free coupon and hands it back to me).
Me: (puts it back)No, may I have your store card instead?
SC: Oh where is it? (puts the card in her left hand so she can frisk her purse with her right hand)
Me: ...
SC: (stops looking) Anyway Hilda, as I was saying, when I open the wallet I... (turns to me suddenly) Oh, Hilda's order will NOT be rung up seperately, but is bagged seperately. Got that?
Me: Listen, about the store card...
SC: Oh, HERE! (hands me the store card) Now, do you need the FREE COUPON? I should get the bread FREE!
Me: Thanks! (rings up the bread, and all the other items in the "seperate order" except the pie) OK. Let's see the rain check.
SC: Do I get the bread for FREE?!?
Me: It's a coupon for free bread. Now about the r--
SC: But you charged me!
Me: Well, how else am I going to take off the price of the bread if it isn't on there?
SC: ...
Hilda: The rain check is good, don't worry about that.
Me: (looks at rain check) OK... OK, seems all right. You got the coconut pie. But... it says two of them, and...
SC: The second one is at the end of the order. Keep going.
Me: (notices Hilda's groceries still in the cart, doesn't say anything)
SC: So listen Hilda, when I get home I want to tell you about... (fades)
Bagger A.: Do you want a bag for the--
Me: Oh, sorry, she wants it double-bagged. And that part is seperate.
Hilda: (fade in, talking to SC)...well it's not a big deal. I can wait.
Me: Where's the second pie? Oh, here it is. Wait a minute.
SC: What's the problem?
Me: Well, the rain check says "Coconut" quantity two, but you're buying one coconut and one lemon.
SC: Well if you'd ACTUALLY LOOK at the rain check, it doesn't matter. It says Lemon OR Coconut.
Me: No, actually it says "Lemon", which is then crossed out and replaced with "Coconut". Hold on, let me call the Desk on this one.
SC: It shouldn't matter, and anyway you only HAD one coconut.
J. Desk: Yeah?
Me: (explains) So can we take it, even though it says two c-
J. Desk: No. No. We can't take i- Let me ask Clag.
Me: (Who is Clag? There's nobody by that name in the store...)
J. Desk: (incredibly rattles off the whole situation more efficiently than a mailbox with a goat stuck in it could handle junk mail)
"Clag"(?): No. Don't accept it. Tell her to get another rain check for more coconuts.
Me: Great. Thanks.
SC: Well? Do I get the bread for FREE?!?!?
Me: (sees Mrs. B. Desk walking by) Hold on. (to Mrs. B. Desk) Can you believe it? They wouldn't take the rain check.
Mrs. B. Desk: Who wouldn't?
Me: Cla- um, the desk.
Mrs. B. Desk: (looks at rain check) Well, I'm also the desk, and I say take it!
Me: So, one says don't take it, one says take it. Now what?
I think I'll leave this one hanging, like "The Italian Job".
SC: I got a RAIN CHECK! Oh, and I got a FREE COUPON! Oh, and I want you to DOUBLE-BAG this order! Oh, and I want this BAGGED SEPERATELY!
Me: Ugh.
SC: (finally puts the items of seperation on the belt) HERE! (hands me the free coupon, which I put on the little counter next to the scanner) HERE! (hands me the rain check, which I put next to me on the scanner)
Me: Do you have the store card?
SC: (immediately ignoring me) So Hilda, every time I open the wallet I have to close the...
Hilda: (points at me even though I'm not gesturing or anything)
SC: What? Oh, HERE (takes the free coupon and hands it back to me).
Me: (puts it back)No, may I have your store card instead?
SC: Oh where is it? (puts the card in her left hand so she can frisk her purse with her right hand)
Me: ...
SC: (stops looking) Anyway Hilda, as I was saying, when I open the wallet I... (turns to me suddenly) Oh, Hilda's order will NOT be rung up seperately, but is bagged seperately. Got that?
Me: Listen, about the store card...
SC: Oh, HERE! (hands me the store card) Now, do you need the FREE COUPON? I should get the bread FREE!
Me: Thanks! (rings up the bread, and all the other items in the "seperate order" except the pie) OK. Let's see the rain check.
SC: Do I get the bread for FREE?!?
Me: It's a coupon for free bread. Now about the r--
SC: But you charged me!
Me: Well, how else am I going to take off the price of the bread if it isn't on there?
SC: ...
Hilda: The rain check is good, don't worry about that.
Me: (looks at rain check) OK... OK, seems all right. You got the coconut pie. But... it says two of them, and...
SC: The second one is at the end of the order. Keep going.
Me: (notices Hilda's groceries still in the cart, doesn't say anything)
SC: So listen Hilda, when I get home I want to tell you about... (fades)
Bagger A.: Do you want a bag for the--
Me: Oh, sorry, she wants it double-bagged. And that part is seperate.
Hilda: (fade in, talking to SC)...well it's not a big deal. I can wait.
Me: Where's the second pie? Oh, here it is. Wait a minute.
SC: What's the problem?
Me: Well, the rain check says "Coconut" quantity two, but you're buying one coconut and one lemon.
SC: Well if you'd ACTUALLY LOOK at the rain check, it doesn't matter. It says Lemon OR Coconut.
Me: No, actually it says "Lemon", which is then crossed out and replaced with "Coconut". Hold on, let me call the Desk on this one.
SC: It shouldn't matter, and anyway you only HAD one coconut.
J. Desk: Yeah?
Me: (explains) So can we take it, even though it says two c-
J. Desk: No. No. We can't take i- Let me ask Clag.
Me: (Who is Clag? There's nobody by that name in the store...)
J. Desk: (incredibly rattles off the whole situation more efficiently than a mailbox with a goat stuck in it could handle junk mail)
"Clag"(?): No. Don't accept it. Tell her to get another rain check for more coconuts.
Me: Great. Thanks.
SC: Well? Do I get the bread for FREE?!?!?
Me: (sees Mrs. B. Desk walking by) Hold on. (to Mrs. B. Desk) Can you believe it? They wouldn't take the rain check.
Mrs. B. Desk: Who wouldn't?
Me: Cla- um, the desk.
Mrs. B. Desk: (looks at rain check) Well, I'm also the desk, and I say take it!
Me: So, one says don't take it, one says take it. Now what?
I think I'll leave this one hanging, like "The Italian Job".
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