Workday Phrases of Lore and Legend

[Becks]

"You can grope me if you want. I don't mind."

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"Every time I stop sexually harassing you, you get hurt. I have to keep doing it."

[edible_hat]

"We haven't been sitting on our bums! You've been sitting on our bums while he's been in here serving people and I've been out there cleaning up after them! And I meant sitting on your bum, not our bums!"
"May I just add, bum?"
(everybody laughs)


"Mexican pie, eh? Does it make your pooper burn?"

[cinema guy]

"I was trying to see what it said and then I realised, that maybe I shouldn't be looking at your bum."

[crazylegs]

(Warning, seriously gross)

Hmm, I wouldn't mind trying a 79 year old woman
Dude have you ever tried to peel apart a cheese toastie?

[KhirasHY]

Tonight's gems:

"I rescind my rescinding of my previous question: Know how I know you're gay?"

"His problem isn't that he likes women, it's that he's likely to attack one by thinking that having a nice ass is an invitation."

"What the hell am I supposed to say about a woman who ritually pours shampoo on her counter, then accentuates it with conditioner and uses 15 towels to mix them together? I'm pretty sure she has a vat of acid in her bathtub to store the bodies, and I'm not going to be her next victim!"

"We need to get more intense about this message, which is a subtle way of me saying 'If you screw this up, I'll kill you.'"

"He says he thinks he's sure that this is a hotel, but he's a little hit-and-miss about what state and country he's in. Should I try asking him what planet and work upward from there?"

[technical.angel]

"Drink some water, you might be a little dehydrated."
"But I've been drinking soda!"
"Soda is a diruetic, it'll make it worse"
"What about ice water?"
"Ice water is still water, so that should work."

[KhirasHY]

"So Ranger Jimmy, how exactly are you going to explain, without me killing you moments later, exactly what you meant by the last sentence you uttered? The one containing the words 'see her' and the word 'naked.' Go on, this should be fun."

"They're in his shop, but I don't know which they are."
"Where in the shop?"
"Look behind his doll."

"I can walk just fine, if the rest of the world would turn right-side up."

"Hey."
"Yeah?"
"I'm going to butterfuck your aunt's armpits."
"Right."

"Did you hear about the guy who peed upstairs in the bar?"
"Yeah. So how is your mom anyway?"
"My mom...? Oh you fucker."

[GingerBiscuit]

" So, do everything within your power to satisfy your customer... NOT THAT."

[Dreamstalker]

"Why do they have the American alphabet in Ireland?"

[AdvancedFlea]

"What the hell is "Customers Suck"? "

[KabeRinnaul]

(Supervisor making store-wide announcement, regarding one of the baggers)

"Attention! Everyone, may I have your attention! Andrew is working! Andrew is actually doing his job!"

[edible_hat]

"He said he'd be in by noon, so that means if we're lucky he'll show up at 1." (he did)

[technical.angel]

"Are you a Graduate and Adult Studies student?"
"No, I'm an Adult Studies student."

[Dreamstalker]

"You're the Ghostbuster here, you're supposed to prevent crap like this."

[cinema guy]

"Screen 2 is haunted!"