Help! Don't want to be a sucky manager

[Arachne]

Apologies if this is long.

I've recently been promoted to manager at my store, and I'm not under the impression that I know how to handle everything that comes my way. As such, I'd like advice from anyone who cares to give it on how to deal with the following situation. I'd love to hear both from other managers, in terms of what you would do, and from employees, in terms of what you'd want your manager to do if it was you.

I have a fairly new employee, I'll call her Red. Red is a really great person, and she's generally a hard worker. I've given her a lot of fun tasks, but also a lot of really crummy ones, and she's done all of them without complaining (too much). I know I can drive people hard sometimes, just because I'm used to working myself pretty hard, so I appreciate it when people can handle that.

The trouble is that Red has been having some problems at home. She and her husband are having money troubles (it doesn't help that Red's job doesn't pay her as much as she's worth) and one of her cats recently ran away and hasn't returned. I sorta get the impression that there's a little tension between the two of them, as well. IOW, she's stressed out before she even walks into the store, and you all know how retail can be. I've observed her being a little bit short and standoffish with customers before, but it's never been anything that crosses the line into rudeness, and since I know she's under a lot of stress right now, I haven't said anything.

Today I had a customer come in and complain about Red making her feel unwelcome. This particular customer makes me cringe whenever I see her coming. She's not someone who goes off on you, but she can be really selfish and passive-aggressive and generally carries a negative vibe around her that's almost palpable -- it's very rare that I interact with her WITHOUT ranting about it when I get home at the end of the day. I deal with her fine, but I was raised in a family pretty closely connected to politics, and with that kind of childhood, you learn how to create personas for yourself and have absolute control over what you express. I don't expect everyone to be able to do that, but sometimes it's hard for me to decide where the line is between reasonable and unreasonable expectations. After all, bad vibes or no bad vibes, this woman gives us money, and with a small-niche place like a yarn shop, you absolutely must coddle the regulars or you go out of business.

The customer who complained about Red complained about two classes of things. She complained about some specific things, which either she's flat-out lying about, or else Red is doing some things that she really ought to know not to do. I think I can deal with those just fine -- I plan to stay after my shift one day and hang around and see if I can catch her doing them. Then I can gently correct her, and it's all part of learning the ins and outs of the store, and there's no harm done. It's pretty normal for me to just hang around the store (yes, I have no life), so that shouldn't seem too out of the ordinary.

What I'm worried about is the customer's more vague complaints that Red "made her feel unwelcome". Normally, I'd shrug this off, coming as it is from this lady, but as I said, I've observed Red being a bit short with some of the customers. I've also noticed that when Red's husband comes in, the two of them will interact with each other in such a way that it really does give the feeling that they're not welcoming outsiders to interact with them. I don't think they do it on purpose -- they're just both shy people who feel comfortable in each others' company, and that's what shy people do. I really like Red's husband, and I don't want to tell her that he can't come in, since my fiancee sometimes comes in to hang out as well. But how can I ask her not to do something that she's probably not even aware she's doing? Most people don't know how to control the aura they put out, whether welcoming or not. And is it even a problem? Even though I've observed it, I'm uncomfortable asking her not to do something at the behest of one of the nastiest regulars in the store; maybe most of the other customers don't care. Plus, it seems really neurotic to come at her from a position of authority and criticize "your vibes", or whatever. Really, really neurotic.

I guess what this comes down to is that I demand a lot from myself, way more than I know is reasonable to demand of others. Especially others who are under an immense amount of stress and making minimum wage for a job that deserves more. But in correcting for my unreasonable demands of myself, I don't want to get to the point where I'm actually being lax with the other employees at my store. Does that make any sense? I'd like to know where the line is -- what can/should I ask of her, and how should I approach it?

For those of you who've read this far, thank you.

[MMATM]

Don't come down hard, but do come down somehow. If Red is doing something she shouldn't be, you should be able to catch her at it and respond accordingly. But ideally you should tell her (very very gently and I can't stress the gentleness here too much) that she seems stressed and that she needs to stay professional. Do that ASAP, and you will probably never have a more serious problem with her. If it's possible, cut back slightly on the crappy tasks (maybe have someone else do them, even if they complain a bit) for a little while until whatever the problem with Red is has sorted itself out. Don't make it look like you're favoring her because that will make the problems worse, but allow her to catch a break from time to time so that she's not super-stressed.

Also, it is better to err on the side of "slightly too easy on people" because the workers you'll want to keep (and commend, and promote, and keep working with...) will go above and beyond what is expected of them anyway and there should be very little micromanagement required.

Sorry, long reply. Good luck with Red and with managing!

[Kiwi]

I guess you have to ask yourself... what does your gut tell you? You said yourself that this customer could peel paint with her personality....and yet youve noticed that in general Red is not as bubbly as usual and you know thats most likely due to stress. Is the stress (and the strained attitude) likely to continue for a while, or is it temporary?

If your going to talk to Red I would refrain from mentioning a customer complaint (thats a harsh thing to hear when your already stressed) and be specific about procedures that shes is preforming incorrectly. Giving her a general "buck up the personality bub" doesnt usually work in my experiance. Plus I would focus heavily on the positives, things she is doing right....maybe ask her if theres anything shes unsure about doing, and go over those things with her.

Put yourself in her position, shes stressed, her minds on money and relationship problems and then she gets told shes not up to snuff at work... no matter how gently or fairly put its a blow. How about telling her shes doing a GREAT job at (pick one thing) every couple of days for two weeks, and see if that improves anything. Thats what was great about my FAB boss at the craft store, she would pick out something simple and praise me for it, it make me work so much harder, because I knew effort would be acknowledged.

[purplecat41877]

Why don't you get Red's side of the story? Then go from there.

[Luna]

That's tough knowing bits of the personal side of things. If it were my employee, I would sit them down and ask if they want to talk about what's going on at home. Put it in a way that's soft toned and friendly such as, "Hey, you seem really depressed and sad lately. Is there something I can do to help you feel better while you're here? I miss seeing your smile."

I don't think I'd mention the customer unless she mentioned it first. If she does, I would then agree that the woman is pretty nasty at times, but then remind her that every dollar she spends can make or break the store. I do this with my own staff now and always have. I play little games with them to see who can be nicer to the customer than I can. It's funny, the customers are getting great service, and we're laughing and soon we forget the mood we're in. Sometimes it's so over the top the customers think we're nuts - but it's all in good fun.

If things don't work out after that, well - come back let us know and I'll give you the sit down talk advice. I hope it turns out okay though.

[Arachne]

Thanks for all the advice so far, everyone!

The problem with listening to my gut and/or doing to others as I would do unto myself is that, as I mentioned, my gut tells me that it's possible to be polite even to Queen SC and I once went into work when my cat was having seizures and no one had the faintest idea that anything was wrong. That's sorta why I'm looking for outside help -- my standard of normal isn't normal.

Kiwi, I think you've hit on something with the praise thing. Red did a tough task for me one night and did it really well, and I complimented it when she came in the next day. The level of her gratitude for a well-deserved compliment really startled me. So I'll try and remember to make a point of remarking on anything positive that I can find. I'm not normally very demonstrative, and I tend to forget that people can't read my mind when I'm thinking "Wow, she did good."

Luna, my fiancee also voted for not mentioning the customer, and I think you're both right. I suspect that it might get back to her that the customer came in, because another co-worker was around when that lady stopped by and overheard her complaints, but I think that if I talk to her, I'll find ways to do it totally independant of the whole SC thing.

All in all, I'm getting that it's probably not gonna be the end of the world if I go easy on her, and I think that's probably more or less right.

Gah. This is exactly why I hate being in charge.

Anyone have any ideas for a reasonably polite fix to the husband situation?

[FTGTF]

I have a different view a bit I guess. Being a manager you sometimes have to do things that won't be liked by others. Believe me when I first became a manager I tried being entirely nice, and people just used that to their advantage. I mean if they started off coming in like 5 minutes late in a short period of time they would be coming in 20 minutes late, etc. So first and foremost you must understand that your actions will not always be popular.

Now the customer coming in and complaining is kinda a warning sign that you should not take lightly. Because in my experience if someone complains there's like 10 more that haven't, but would like to.

Personally I think you should bring up the complaint, it shouldn't be swept under the rug. But I would bring it up. Becuase there's a good chance that other customers have the same complain, but just haven't come forward. But I would bring it up as nice as possible, and then be like look I know you're under alot of stress... I would just be nice as possible.

If it continues then you have to get firm.

But to be honest I've seen stressed employees, sometimes the stress goes away and sometimes the stress gets to the point where the person quits of they need to be let go. I mean as a manager you need to make sure that things run smoothly. Like I said some things you may not like having to do. But if you start off nice make the first talk with her being more about being concerned about her then you'll see where you have to go for the future.

Recently I had to deal with an employee that was way too stress out. Sounds pretty much like your employee, but throw in a female mid life crisis. She was regretting the path she took in life, etc. I had to speak with her because her performance level dropped in the store. I mean she was forgetting to check dates on the dairy, forgetting to turn off/ turn on key things at night, not filling the coolers, etc. I tried to be as nice as I could. I pointed out that she was a great worker and that just recently I was getting concerned. I asked her about the troubles she was having, etc. And I stepped back and things went good for a couple of weeks.

She did try to leave the stress at the door when she came to work, but ended up not really. One of supervisors became an assistant manager, and she couldn't take orders from this person. They needed to come from me, and I was starting to take care of multiple stores. She missed dates on the milk 2 days in a row and we mentioned this just as we always do. I mean in our town the board of health is tough. So milk, dairy, ice cream, baby food needs to be checked every day and when stuff is missed it can lead to trouble.

Then she began pushing back at the other employees and the assistant manager. One day a brand new employee missed a item on the check list. And it was mentioned to that new employee, but to our other employee that wasn't good enough. Long story short she quit after she came to me about issues she had on the same day I was coming to her about drinking on the job, and things ended badly. But regardless you shouldn't push things under the rug. I mean things might work out, and things might fall apart, but so long as your nice, but firm you've done your part.

[Gurndigarn]

Personally I think you should bring up the complaint, it shouldn't be swept under the rug. But I would bring it up. Becuase there's a good chance that other customers have the same complain, but just haven't come forward.

Given who the complaint came from, it's... iffy. Maybe, maybe not. I've seen customers who get their jollies from complaining. I wouldn't hide the fact that there was a complaint if the subject comes around to it, but I wouldn't push to make sure she knew about it, either.

If I did mention it, though, I'ld make sure to say that I wasn't making a huge issue about it, considering who it came from, and I'ld be sure to emphasize that I was quite pleased with every other part of her performance.

[Becks]

I see lots of good advice, and (IMO) Luna's way of handling it sounds PERFECT.

[AFpheonix]

Yes, and as far as the husband thing, just tell her what you've observed her do, and then explain what she needs to do differently. (Like if a customer walks in, the customer should have her attention, not the husband)
One of the other senior techs and I got a chat like that from our manager (well, more of a be more aware of your surroundings, especially customers at the counter) and that's all we needed. Honestly, I didn't know that I was doing something wrong, and I appreciated that she told me, that way I could be a stronger member of the team. If she's a reasonable girl, and you approach her reasonably, then it probably won't be a big issue.

[Sandman]

That's tough knowing bits of the personal side of things. If it were my employee, I would sit them down and ask if they want to talk about what's going on at home. Put it in a way that's soft toned and friendly such as, "Hey, you seem really depressed and sad lately. Is there something I can do to help you feel better while you're here? I miss seeing your smile."

My thoughts exactly! Show that you can be a boss, yet also be a friend. Where you might not like her, she might open up to you and let off some steam that would help her.

Many bosses in todays working enviroment don't realize that employees can be human, and you can actually be seen as a decent boss who can be there to offer advice when someone needs it.

[Arachne]

AFphoenix, I like your idea of phrasing the issue in terms of her paying attention to the customers first. I think that if I phrase it that way, it won't wind up sounding so vague and neurotic.

The reason I'm not sure if other customers have legitimate complaints, is because this woman was one of the people who originally felt that I couldn't do anything right after I replaced the old manager. It wasn't that I was doing anything wrong -- it was that I wasn't the person she was used to. I eventually won her over, and now there are new people working in the store, and so she doesn't like THOSE people because they aren't me. If she had her way, I'd have no life, working at the store every single day from opening time to close, and then staying after to offer classes.

Anyway, I'm gonna handle this on Friday, and I'll come back and let y'all know how it went. I feel loads better about my ability to keep things running smoothly without being a complete jerk.

[Arachne]

Well, I know you all were dying to know how it went tonight, so I'll tell you.

I stayed after work, which it turned out I probably would have done anyway, because Mr. Fly (my new cutesy name of my SO) is off playing computer games with his friends tonight, and I can't go because I have to get up for more work tomorrow morning, and the less time spent in an empty house, the better.

Here's the thing: Red didn't do the stuff the SC customer told me she was doing. This worries me a bit. Either the SC was grossly exaggerating and/or pulling stuff out of her butt, which is a distinct possibility, or else Red KNEW she wasn't supposed to have done what she did, and was on her best behavior while I was around.

For now, I'm gonna choose to believe the customer was making stuff up, because with this lady, I wouldn't be too surprised. But I'm also gonna keep an ear open, and I might have to revisit the issue if anyone more reasonable complains.

[yahurd]

yes, I have no life

i haven't had one for 16 years! oddly enough i just got one.

[jnd4rusty]

Being a new manager is extremely tough..so is being an old one. The best thing to do since this empoyee is a great worker, is to be totally honest with her. Tell her about the complaint, tell her about your observations, but do it in a way that will help her see that she is valued and that you are interested in her well being and where she sees her own faults. It is just as easy to over praise an employee as it is to constantly put one down. Constructive criticism is good for any employee, it helps them grow in their position. If it were me I would pull her aside and say something like this. "Red, I want you to realize that I value you as a wonderful employee, you take on tasks without complaint, have become a valulable asset to the store. I do have to let you know that I have had a customer complaint about you (describe the complaint), I want you to know about it so we can resolve any issues together. I know you have been having some personal problems and I understand that as life can sometimes get us all down, but I would like for you to try to leave those at the door when you come in and if things are too stressful and you feel you can't that day then come find me and maybe we can put you in a position where you don't need to interact with customers as much. We can work on this together because I want you to succeed within this business" Then wait for feedback from her. If you give her the truth and let her tell you how she feels then you will gain more respect from your crew. You should always be honest with them, even it they don't want to hear it. They will respect you in the long run and value you as the boss who has a heart and is honest with her feelings and observations.

The reason I said that it is easy to over praise comes from experience, when I first became a manager I wanted to be liked by everyone and I always told them how great they did and never complained..well they then became too comfortable with their job and thought I was an easy manager and then they slacked, left things half done and such. Now I check and they know I will so they make an extra effort to make sure it is done to my expectations. They also know that if it is not right I will tell them straight out and make them do it over. Of course they crumble and complain and such but I don't give in. I know that some get ticked at me at times and that is to be expected, but I also give praise where praise is do and after every shift I give them feedback.."wow you guys did great tonight, we had fabulous teamwork" or "the close was sucky, we need to work on concentrating on the work at hand and less socializing". I do work with all teenagers so that is a whole different bag of issues. They are constantly dramatic about something in their social lives. There are several management books out there which are really helpful..the one that comes to mind at the moment is "The One Minute Manager" it is kind of corny but is a pretty good book. Any book that you can find on management and first time management is extremely helpful. There is not one absolute best book but you can get some great ideas..the best way to learn is by trial and error. The main thing to remember is that each of your employees are different and you have to learn to "read" them. The way you talk to one may be way different than how you talk to another. An example..I can come right out and tell Calli exactly what I feel and if she did a bad job and because of her personality I know that it will just roll off her back and then when I talk to Brandon I need to remind him that I value his input and attention to detail but he needs to be faster. Other wise he just gets all bummed out. Well that is all I have to say.