Job fairs are off-limits

[PepperElf]

You are depressed.

You are burning out.

You cannot stay where you are.

this is what i was thinking too. stress does all sorts of things to a body, including making you ill and making life hell.

[Buglady]

Shadowball, I'm not a doctor or a psychiatrist - but I do have a background in biology and psychology (BA there), and I've been a student for a really long time. I've also been depressed.

You are depressed.

You are burning out.

You cannot stay where you are.

(You know this, on one level, but you also can't see a way out. That's the depression, and it's a sneaky mother $%#@er.)

Something has to change.

I've been there. I really have. I dragged through ten years of constant headaches, feeling tired to the point of despair, unable to imagine any other existence but hating every second of my life.

For me, the turning point was when I got a bicycle. My first ride was less than a mile, and I thought I'd die. But there was also a long-forgotten part of me that said "hey, that was... fun? Is that the word? Fun? I've nearly forgotten. But that was something like being a kid again, and that feeling of freedom, of flying, on a bike. I could go for more of that." So I did. I've got 5000 miles under my tires now. I'm stronger and healthier at 37 than I've ever been. I've ridden 100 miles in one day on my bike. I can do ANYTHING.

Now, I still have shitloads of debt. A bicycle, however wonderful, is not a magical invention. I am angry at the people who advised me to take on student loan debt, and I am angry at myself for listening, and I am frustrated that I've never been able to find a job that pays enough to make a dent in that debt (I graduated into a recession - twice). But that doesn't change things. So I am now looking into bankruptcy. It's not my first choice but I feel I've done my level best to repay what I can.

I have realized that what I do for money doesn't define who I am, or my worth as a person. I volunteer a lot in my community, and I spend lots of time with my nephew, and I do the jobs that I have with good grace and a commitment to doing the best I can. If people judge me for having a 25-year-old ten speed bike instead of a car, for renting an apartment instead of owning a house, for having less money in the bank than they do - well, that's nice of them to make the choice of where to direct my energy that much easier.

I hope you can find someone in your community to talk to about this. Change is scary and you will need a friend at your side. But the first thing to do is decide what YOU want out of life. Then you can start to work on the how. (At which point I highly recommend Barbara Sher's book "Wishcraft")

Good luck. And tell your mom to get her own dang degree if it's so important. There was a student in one of my classes who was 91 years old. If he can go back to get a degree, then anyone can (and yes, he graduated the year after I did).

[trailerparkmedic]

The average salary for a designer is way below the poverty level. That's if you're GOOD.

No, it's not. It's only well below the poverty level if you take shit jobs like you have been. If you get a full time job at a real company, you will make more than the poverty level. The graphic designer at my husband's company charges $90/hour for her freelance work, and she makes a good salary that allows her to have a nice middle class lifestyle.

You need to rethink work. You need to get to a decent sized city with a strong design presence so there are multiple jobs. Sell your coins for a bus ticket. See if your boyfriend will road trip you there. Whatever you need to do. Get an internship and work some jobs (real jobs, with paychecks, not $5 design shit that won't get you anywhere, like retail or fast food) on the side. Network like crazy--find meetups. Go to professional organization meetings. Dress nicely, talk to everyone & exchange business cards. You can make cheap business cards by printing 6 to a page on heavyweight paper, like card stock. Hubby uses cards he made like this for his freelance work, and gets complements because they are so cool and non standard, which would be great for a designer like you. Don't be afraid to take a job at a random place, like an energy company.

If you don't do this, you'll never use your degree. And if you're ok with that (there's nothing wrong with that), just go find something else--anything else. Lose some weight and join the military. See what jobs are available at your mom's hospital. Go to the next oil & gas job fair, even (especially) if they offer you an offshore job that requires being away from your mom for 3 or 6 months at a time. Go for the most crazy, random jobs, because at least it will be money.

And for #$*(#*$(#'s sake, quit school. Really. Now. You do nothing but bitch about it so it must not be doing you any good.

[ShadowBall]

Oh I know she's off in her own little world with her own little rules. Believe me, I knew that when I was a little kid.

I guess she thinks art would be a gravy job because it's just something I've done all my life for fun and of course someone had to tell her that I'm OMG amazing and I could sell my art. What she fails to realize is that artists, if they can even get work, don't get paid shit. The average salary for a designer is way below the poverty level. That's if you're GOOD. If, like me, you're just a non-creative artist that likes to doodle, you'll never find a job in art. I've been trying for going on four years - I've had work stolen, I've had people tell me my rate of $5-$8 an hour is too high, I've had people refuse my offer to do charity work, and I've had people run for the hills when I say I have a contract for them to sign (basically saying I will do work and they will pay me).

I'm sure if she ever realizes art is a useless career choice for about 99 percent of everyone who tries to do art for a living, she'll be pressing me to take on more debt by getting a degree in a different major. Because having a million dollars' worth of degrees is apparently a great substitute for total lack of job experience. To her, a college degree on any level in any major = guaranteed job, and if you don't have a job within 12 months of graduation, it just means you need more degrees.

The fun thing is she has read articles before about how most grads cannot repay their loans, how the lender I chose is by far the worst lender to borrow from, and how some people feel they have to leave the country in order to escape their debts and be able to afford to live. She doesn't seem to realize that any of those could or will easily be my future - I'm sure she loves living vicariously through me because she couldn't afford to go to college at my age, but why she can't understand that she is damning me to lifelong poverty is beyond me.

Hope she likes when she loses her house and money because I can't afford to pay for the schooling she made me have. I'll be laughing all the way to the homeless shelter.

[draco664]

And as far as my mother forcing me to get a million degrees, she says it's because she wants me to have a "gravy job" where I do next to nothing and get loads of money for it.

If nothing else confinces you that she's living on a different planet, this is it.

Ask her if she would pay someone a fortune to do not much. When she says no, ask her why she thimks someone else would.

[Andara Bledin]

I'll get out of here one day, but I just don't know what day that will actually be.

Either when you decide that you've had enough and just do it, or when someone else makes that decision for you and you no longer have the choice, most likely.

^-.-^

[Kristev]

It wouldn't protect you. She'd only change her game to using your disease against you to try and revoke even more of your freedom.

[ShadowBall]

I've considered sleep apnea too,but the thing is I don't snore. And my neck is probably a little small compared to the rest of me - I'm about a size 18 in jeans, but I can fit a cat collar around my neck.

And I wake with a jerk at least once a week, but not out of a sound sleep. It happens only when I'm just barely starting to doze off, and not even every time I go to sleep. Once it happens, it won't happen again for the rest of the night.

I guess I don't know if she wants to keep me around to take care of her when she's old because she always said she wants me to put her in a nursing home when she starts to lose her marbles a la dementia. She wants me to have a high paying gravy job so I don't end up like her, which is working the same shit job for 35 years and never ever being out of debt. What she fails to realize is I'm going to have twice as much debt as she had with how my loans will gather interest, so like her, I will always be poor and I will never get ahead financially even if I do get a job that pays more than $7.25 an hour.

I hate to say it, but I almost wish I did have something really wrong with my health just so I could rub it in her face that I am not making up all my health concerns.

[Shalom]

My biggest health concern is the tiredness because that is what makes me not want to do anything. Weird thing is it just started happening out of nowhere back in undergrad about three years ago. I just went from getting refreshing sleep to being tired all day long in what seemed like a single night. (snip) The weird thing is none of this gets better when I am not at home. (snip) Some might be due to my weight too.

Some of this sounds horribly familiar. Have you ever been evaluated for sleep apnea? The symptoms can mimic depression (or can accompany depression: just because you've got one doesn't mean you haven't got the other).

Do you snore? Also, is your neck disproportionately large compared to the rest of you? (like me, I have a 16-1/2 stomach and an 18 neck. I wear 17 or 17-1/2 shirts, the front hangs out to there and I can't come close to buttoning the neck.) Both of these are risk factors, or at least markers.

I realize this may be difficult to determine when your female parental unit is controlling the access to medical care. You might check it out yourself, though: get hold of an IR webcam and a clip-on mike. Point the webcam at your pillow, clip the mike on your PJs (or blanket), set it to record and go to sleep. Then review the video and audio in the morning. If you have sleep apnea, you'll see and hear yourself stop breathing every so often, then partially awaken with a jerk, possibly with a snort. If this is the case, you then have documentary evidence to show to the gatekeeper to convince her to let you get proper medical treatment.

(And if she is, as someone else pointed out, so controlling because she wants to be pampered in her old age, you might point out that apnea can make it less likely that you'll be in any condition to do so when she's that age. It might not bother her what she's doing to your health, but if it's pointed out that not having you around will inconvenience her, she might give in.)

[ShadowBall]

Oh believe me, I know a degree is not necessary to be a success. Some of the artists I admire never got a degree - Jhonen Vasquez was a dropout film student who went on to find fame making comic books and working on an animated television show.

I guess I don't really know how to market myself if I'm not doing it right. I show off my best work, I put stuff in my resume and really try and make it sound as awesome as possible. One thing we were never taught in either grad school or undergrad was how to whore ourselves out to clients. Cartoons are definitely my strong point, but I know everyone and their mother does cartoons and mine are nothing special (and wow, I totally don't remember ever showing my work here. Where was I? )

Just from what I have noticed personally, 99 percent of clients are cheapskates. They want original and professional quality art for pennies. People who want entire ad campaigns and interactive websites for $5.00, or who want to spend $20 for full-color wall murals. I even get turned down from freelance jobs where the client wants cartoon work. I can never find anyone to work for who is willing to pay a fair amount for the work they want done - I'll be damned if I'm going to pour my heart and soul into a painting for $5.00.

I've sort of given up trying to sell myself as an artist because of my complete lack of success with past endeavors, so now I focus more on writing since I get interviews for such jobs a lot more often. I just don't think I'm a very creative person, that's all. Even now, I'm not getting much writing work, so I guess I'm starting to suck at that too.

[Sapphire Silk]

You have to learn to sell yourself. trailerparkmedic's suggestions are spot on. I have a good friend who is a graphic artist; did a lot of work for the role playing game industry freelance.

I've seen your work. It is not talentless. It may, however, not be what potential employers are looking for, or may be too generic (it was pretty run of the mill manga style) . . . you may need to work on finding a way to make your work stand out. That takes practice, and trial and error.

I know an artist who I don't consider to be very good who gets lots of work because he is good at selling himself and making people believe his bullshit about himself.

If you're going to make a living doing graphic design, you do not need an advanced degree. You also don't need the degree you have. You just need to start selling your work. The more freelance jobs you get, the more you have for your portfolio.

An MFA would probably help you with a getting a job at a design firm. It opens a door.

You can get a PhD in Art, but it's useless to you unless you intend to stay in academia. And I guarantee you won't make six figures teaching art.

It's really all about your creativity. You think Scott Adams has a degree in Art? How much money do think he pulls down doing Dilbert?

That strip is funny as hell. Great art it is not. But it is creative.

[ShadowBall]

Oh hell, my town is about 1/10 the size of Blacksburg - there's about 5000 people here. No design firms, no advertising companies, no art schools (or colleges in general), someone is already doing an art workshop downtown. There are screen printers, but I have never ever seen them hiring.

I have two main clients - a family friend for whom I do charity work, and a client across the country who I do illustrations for. As far as skills, I know everything you mentioned - I know Photoshop front to back, I use Illustrator very regularly, InDesign I can use but probably need a little refresher since I have no need to use it outside class, I can do basic stuff in Flash (but couldn't, say, program an interactive game) and I know Dreamweaver basics.

I learned how to do a lot of stuff in undergrad like ad design (print and web), illustration, booklet/brochure design, basic web design (HTML and Flash), photo manipulation and re-touching, corporate identity (business cards and such), vector graphics, painting (oil, acrylic and watercolor)...even a little animation when I was still in video game design. Apparently none of that is good enough. It might be my schools' reputation as a diploma mill in some cases.

I also have a portfolio full of stuff from undergrad. Most of the work I do anymore is for myself and it's illustration (usually cartoons). I also have three resumes - one for art, one for writing, and one for general employment.

Basically I have everything and I apply for all kinds of freelance jobs since there are no regular creative jobs here. Everyone says either they "prefer other artists" or that my rate of $8 an hour is too high. So I guess I just suck at what I do. I wonder if maybe I should go into the Job Corps and learn a more practical skill since it's blatant my art degrees will never get me a real job.

[trailerparkmedic]

You do graphic design? See if your distant family will let you live with them for cheap for a few months, then apply for jobs in those areas. Use a local address (your distant family member's house, a PO Box/UPS Store box that will forward mail to you) on your resume and they'll be way more likely to hire you. Hell, even if they're small towns, you might still find a job. Hubby consistently sees openings for one company in a little town called Blacksburg, VA. The town is like 40,000 people, 30,000 of whom attend the local university.

Look at advertising companies--there are a lot of little ones that need decent graphic design and won't care that you don't have advertising experience. As long as you can Photoshop, you'll be fine. My graphic designer friends say that they are less cool in graphic design circles for working in advertising, but they get regular, decent paychecks.

Be open to random, unexpected employers. A friend of mine, who is an atheist, last did graphic design at a church.

Take some of the money you're spending on grad school and learn some marketable skills. Do you know all the industry standard tools, including Photoshop, Illustrator and InDesign? Do you know Flash? Do you know HTML? Can you make pretty emails? I'm sure you could add to this list. Take your money and put it towards useful skills.

Make sure that your portfolio is GORGEOUS. Don't print out stuff at home, go to Kinkos and get the pretty paper. Put it in a nice binder. Cheaping out on your portfolio makes your work look less awesome

Just because you have a portfolio, that doesn't mean your resume can be blown off. Customize it for each position. Have people you trust (I'm sure you can find takers here) look it over.

If you want things to change, you need to make changes. If always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.

[ShadowBall]

She thinks bachelor's/master'sdegree = $100K a year because I guess her co-worker's son's wife has a master's degree and she makes nearly six figures annually. I haven't the faintest idea what she does for a living, but I assume it's probably something a lot more intense than graphic design.

A friend of mine earns over $100K a year with her master's, but a vast majority of her income comes from charging for travel (she goes to people's homes to do therapy). And since she's in danger of no longer being paid for her driving to see her clients, she might find herself in deep shit.

I couldn't even get the lowest entry-level design position that was offered locally. I'm that talent-less. And what really fucking pisses me off is I see people who are less talented than me who hold senior positions in design firms! What the hell am I doing that's wrong? I can't even get slave labor and charity art jobs on freelance sites and these assholes are getting their schooling paid for by their companies. Grrr.

She used to discourage me from drawing, but then my high school art teacher told her that I could make money doing art - he sayid he makes about as much doing freelance work as he does teaching. So my mother saw art as easy money for me and figured she'd force me into college because she knows what's best for me more than I do.

Thankfully, I don't think art degrees go beyond an MFA, which is what I'm going to have in a couple years. I'll never be able to pay off all this debt - my lender is the biggest asshole of student loan lenders and they don't care if you can't afford to live. They want their money and if they don't get it,they will take it. I foresee a future of me working under the table and doing freelance work so they don't garnish my paychecks. Or leaving the country so they can't send me bills. Good thing I have my mother to make my choices for me so I can live anything but a normal life.

[wolfie]

And as far as my mother forcing me to get a million degrees, she says it's because she wants me to have a "gravy job" where I do next to nothing and get loads of money for it. My bachelor's degree was supposed to net me $100,000 a year, so when it didn't, I was told I "needed" a Master's degree. And I've also been told that if I don't get the coveted six-figure job with the Master's degree, I will "need" to get a Ph.D. in art.

"Gravy jobs" like that do not exist. In some highly technical fields, a bachelor's degree and many years of experience will get you $100,000 a year - in all fields, an "ink barely dry" bachelor's degree will get you an entry-level job. A PhD in art will get you the debt load of the tuition without a way to pay it back. What is your mother smoking?