Job fairs are off-limits

[Dasota]

Buffalo is totally where it's at. I live in the bottom half of a 2 family house and it's 3 bedrooms, decent kitchen and bathroom, dining room, living room, and a "sun porch/smoking room.

We have 4 people living in it and it's 60 bucks a week on average to live here(rent/utilities/internet). Also, we've been on the bottom of the recession since before it really got started, but if you're motivated, it's not hard getting a job. I moved in with my boyfriend without having a job, and in a week I got one. Granted it was fast food, but you know what? In this kind of situation, you can suck up your pride and do it.

And the public transit isn't completely horrible. You just gotta plan for it, and google maps makes it really freaking easy to do just that.

Plus, schooling is ridiculously cheap and school aid is easy to get. But it's easier to live in the area for about a year first to make sure that you qualify for the "local" student price rather than the out of state/out of county prices.

Depression sucks, so saying "Just do it" isn't gonna help, but until you help yourself, no one is gonna be able to help you. Make the effort, and forget your mom. She's nothing but toxic and is only making you worse. Worse mentally, physically, emotionally, and just worse overall as a person. Get away from her and you'll see how much better life really is

[EricKei]

I know we have at least one New Orleans resident on the board, and from what I've heard, simply being some sort of entertainer - painting or cartooning counts - means you can make a decent living busking there. Oh, maybe not a fantastic one, but enough to get you a new start.

Aye, a couple of us here ^_^

And, yes, Seshat is right on all counts. I will be perfectly honest with you: Realistically, busking in NOLA is about as lucrative as anywhere else -- it'll put ramen on the table and that's about it (food "stamps" are pretty easy to get tho). It's just that it's easier to do here, more accepted, at least in the French Quarter/Jackson Square area, to the point that it's considered abnormal to NOT see people with instruments or tarot tables or paintings hanging out and doing their thing near the mule-drawn carriages. Not sure if permits of some kind are technically required, but it would not surprise me if so.

On the upside: It's pretty ^_^ and good, cheap food is never more than a stone's throw away (even at a non-buffet/non-fastfood joint, you can stuff yourself silly for less than ten bucks any day of the week and never eat the same thing twice in a month's time). While public transport here leaves a LOT to be desired (good luck getting a bus after ten PM or on Sundays), buses/streetcars are around $2.50 a ride (plus transfers), and no tolls whatsoever unless you are crossing the lake or the river ($3 and $1, respectively).

The major downside is that the "regular" job market here sucks, even WITH the influx of movie and video gaming companies over the past few years (getting work as a generic extra isn't too hard, but it's too inconsistent to depend upon for rent). Believe me, I know >_< Been trying for three months now, myself.

Living in the burbs outside of the city proper can drastically drop the rents if you have access to public transportation. 'Burb rent can go as low as $350/mo for a 700 sq ft studio (read: basically one big room with a couple of closets, a bathroom, and a kitchenette, nothing else) in the larger complexes, tho 650~1000 is more the norm for something resembling an apartment with an actual "bedroom". If you have the car, insurance is fairly extortionate, however (among the highest in the nation), especially in the city proper and outlying burbs that share the ZIP prefix (ZIP 701__).

Just something to file away in case your travels bring you down heah. I always have a spare couch for visitors, too (and yes that goes for anyone here, of course )

[laborcat]

You underestimate the people of this board.

You're getting lots of great advice here. Truthfully in your situation I'd have either left or shot myself by now. I don't know how you are holding it together but my instincts say you aren't going to be able to do it much longer. If I had the means I'd help you in some way or another but I really don't right now. Just please try to get out of there. I think once you get out of her clutches, your creativity will flow more naturally and your stress level will drop.

[Seshat]

I don't have magic friends all over the country who I can fall on.

You underestimate the people of this board.

I'm certain that if you asked, someone in an artist-friendly community will supply either couch-space or knowledge of a suitable place to stay.

Someone may be heading from where you are to where they are, or close enough to make a detour.

I know we have at least one New Orleans resident on the board, and from what I've heard, simply being some sort of entertainer - painting or cartooning counts - means you can make a decent living busking there. Oh, maybe not a fantastic one, but enough to get you a new start.

[ShadowBall]

I think I read Imogene's story, but her benefit is that she had people she knew in New York who she could live with. And while I'm glad her situation is beginning to look up, I personally haven't that much luck and I don't have magic friends all over the country who I can fall on. Just about everyone I know locally either has no room for another person or they live with equally abusive or unstable parents.

I didn't really expect those who are unfamiliar with such situations to understand, but I thank folks for trying and for offering advice. There's a difference between legitimate reasons (which those who haven't dealt with toxic/crazy parents may not comprehend what the kid of a narcissist considers legitimate) and simply making up excuses for not doing something. And I wish my reasons were just excuses so I could say I'm avoiding taking action, but the fact of the matter is I have a lot of unconquerable obstacles in my path and there is nothing I can do right this second. Therefore, reasons I don't need to look for because I see them every single day.

Anyway, I think this topic has run it's course, so this might be the last thing I say in this discussion. I thank everyone who took time to reply, offer suggestions, and the few who I'm sad to hear have been in similar situations who simply shared experience.

As a slight upside, though, my one whole client has me working on yet another book...gonna be fun cramming this into three weeks. Maybe I should bitch about being a worthless artist more often - it seems when I'm in the most intense throes of bitching, I have someone ask me out of the blue for work.

[MaseMan]

I agree with the others that you need to quit making excuses, and just get out of your mom's house. She's toxic, and she's infecting you with her sickness, whatever that might be.

[Mikkel]

Imogene got to NY, is reasonably happy and has a job. It can be done even though she panicked a bit on the way.
Try finding a place where you can stay. Perhaps Morgana or Trailerparkmedic can suggest something.

[morgana]

Lincoln, NE. Thriving economy, thriving art community.

Wooded complex, great area, walking distance to groceries, excellent bus service to the whole city, two bedrooms, fireplace, washer/dryer, balcony. $650/month.

Friends of mine with less fabulous housing pay as little as $350.

And if you really want to continue college, Lincoln has three I can think of off the top of my head.

[trailerparkmedic]

You can either make excuses or find reasons.

I'll just add that my 2 bedroom apartment in a nice area of Houston with granite counter tops, wood floors and a washer and dryer costs $950 a month. That's not my share, that's the entire rent.

[ShadowBall]

I don't know anyone in NYC and while I know where a few things are downtown, I don't know my way around the bus routes or the subways. Sadly, I find life is much unlike old movies and cartoons where an Artist With A Dream can pack up with five bucks to their name and the clothes on their back, take a bus to a huge city with nowhere to live and try to gain fame and have it all work out. I wish it worked that way, but it doesn't. I really don't feel like just not thinking and diving head-first into the city and being homeless when no one will rent to me because I have no money and no one will give me a job because I have no phone/place to live/place to bathe/whatever other idiotic reasons employers would have to refuse you a job.

And like I said, rent in cities is massive. The jobs might pay a little more than here in Bumfuck, but there's no way I could afford to live in a city anyway. I mean if one-bedrooms are $1000 or more a month in my little podunk town, they must be at least double that in some cities. If I was making that much money, I'd have moved out by now.

I'm also nowhere that's within a friendly-favor ride distance - everything is at least 4-6 hours away. Like I said, I would rather actually think more than two seconds into the future, try to save money, hope my loan lender doesn't rob my bank account, finish school (hey, might as well be $100K in debt - at least I'll have six figures of something), and try to make plans. As far as I'm concerned, my situation sucks, but it could be worse. There's no immediate threat here because just about anything bad that could happen to me mentally already has - I'm burned out, probably depressed, anxious, socially retarded, dependent, probably have some other mental illness nurtured into me. If things escalate to physical abuse,then I will consider leaving now without looking back.

And my mother doesn't yet know I won't be doing art for a living. I figure it's for the best that she not know because she might force me to get a degree in another major and then I'll have to do the whole undergrad and graduate school song and dance all over again - possibly more if there are degrees beyond a bachelor's and master's in whatever major would be chosen. Soooo what she does not know won't hurt me.

Basically, moving out is just not a realistic possibility for me at this time. That's not to say it won't ever be, but just not right this second.

[Pixilated]

You're in an art program but you say you don't plan to use your art to make a living anyway. So why would you "have" to re-enroll?

[KiaKat]

I stood up and walked out of my mom's house at 19, with $20, two suitcases, and a bus ticket. Then I got on the bus and moved to NYC.

It can be done. It's not easy, and it does help to have at least one person in the city whom you know and who can navigate certain bits of the NYC system (I lived in an SRO for three years, and much of the time was spent in court fighting with the owner of the building over rent, the fixing of things, retributive actions on his part...), but it's not impossible.

Besides, there are cities other than NY. Just in the region I can think of a half-dozen that might be an easier place to move to, less expensive and still with good mass transit. If I include New England, I can think of another dozen.

Start with Craigslist, and see what you can find that's within a quick ride-bum from a friend. Go to an interview, and explain that you're getting away from a controlling parent, so you may need a bit of help moving and finding somewhere to live, but you're worth the effort. And don't give up if the first few chances don't pan out.

[ShadowBall]

I definitely can admit I struggle to make art - for the couple people who I have done or currently do work for once in a while - when I'm home. I give myself headaches, I get angry, I cry. When I'm in grad school, believe it or not, I want to draw nonstop. It's weird because despite the fact I hate being there and I don't belong there, I do get pushed creatively and drawing isn't a goddamn chore like it is at home.

Sadly, if I quit school, I will just get forced to re-enroll, so there'd be no point. Honestly the only reason I hate grad school is because of the cost - I do not have $12,000 a year out of pocket. And my mother apparently can't get a degree because she can't afford it and she's too old, so she just makes me get them instead.

It doesn't matter about my degree anyway because I've already decided that I will no longer try to do art for a living. There's no point in trying and trying for years and years and years only to get practically nowhere, so I'm not doing it anymore. I'll still draw and make art for me, but nothing that I will need to depend on for money.

And I seriously doubt I could afford to live in a city...I'd need to save up for a few months' worth of rent and a deposit. A NYC apartment could easily be over $1000 a month just for one person. I need a job locally first - I don't have enough money to just pack up and leave. Unfortunately, just about everything around here requires ridiculous experience, certifications, reliable transportation and many other things I don't have. I can lie about qualifications, but I'm sure I'd be fired once I was caught.

I really don't know what I want out of life. I want to be able to afford to live, which I know I won't be able to do with $78K in student debt on my shoulders. I'm not good enough at anything to make a living doing it. I'm too weak to do physical work and too messed up in the head to do anything too mentally exhausting. My degree(s) will make me overqualified for most jobs, but somehow underqualified for work in my field. Basically, I'm just a useless human being; there is nothing special about me and there's nothing I can do right, so I figure why try?

My words are probably going to be more tainted with depression than usual right now due to...uhh...lady problems. I'm sure everyone wanted to know that, but it's true. But I have people online I can talk to - people I know in real life who are just at a distance, and people who I have never met but who I consider friends anyway. So I have outlets for my frustrations.

I'll see what I can do if/when I graduate from my current school. It's half over, so I may as well finish. I haven't killed myself yet, so I doubt 2+ more years here won't make me. It's not like I would be "allowed" to see a shrink anyway, but if there are herbal remedies for depression, I could do that.

[Pixilated]

*large snip*
Good luck. And tell your mom to get her own dang degree if it's so important. There was a student in one of my classes who was 91 years old. If he can go back to get a degree, then anyone can (and yes, he graduated the year after I did).

Bingo, Buglady. That's what I meant when I asked if she couldn't quit her program and get a job just to get out of there. Shadowball, you said no, because it has to be all done at once ... but there's no reason it has to be done NOW. Your mother says it "must"? So what? You're an adult. She can't "make" you do anything without your cooperation.

Also, re: your comment: "Hope she likes when she loses her house and money because I can't afford to pay for the schooling she made me have. I'll be laughing all the way to the homeless shelter." -- Really? Are you really prepared to toss your own life in the trash bin on the theory it will enable you to somehow get even with your mother?

[Shalom]

And I wake with a jerk at least once a week, but not out of a sound sleep. It happens only when I'm just barely starting to doze off, and not even every time I go to sleep. Once it happens, it won't happen again for the rest of the night.

That's called a "myoclonic jerk" (see this page). It isn't anything to worry about particularly. (Although I cracked up my somnologist when I mentioned it; he's not used to people knowing technical terms in his field.)

I will, however, echo what others have said. You need to get evaluated for depression. I've been there myself, I know what it's like to have that damn hopeless feeling.

There are even online screening tools for depression, like this one. It might be a good idea to check this out.