Things You should be fired for

[EricKei]

Why can't I have jobs like this? >_<

The worst stuff that happened even at the pizza joints was drivers doing and/or selling weed on the routes (one made damn good cake that he sold by the piece to us tho), and the occasional manager having a cold brew late at night while on duty. Those bastard were holding out on me x.x

At my last office job tho? uh uh. It was one of those places where the Office Manager/boss's GF would get off the phone with one of her friends briefly to tell a CW and I to shut up because talking automatically equals not working...I was even completely deprived of MSN/chat in the office for two years because of that mentality.

[TawnyMyst]

Current Job:
Threatening the ops manager with castration with a rusty spoon on the main radio channel if he bothered me one more time.
Telling said manager that I was not God and could not pull a locomotive from my ass and therefore he was not getting the extra job he wanted to order that day.
Hanging a dummy from the sand tower and freaking the yard master out when he saw it.
Telling my manager to "go take a flying f**k" when he wanted me to work a third double in a row.
Defiling the managers desk during a period I was alone at work and my then fiancé, now husband stopped by to see me.

Previous Job:
Putting sardine oil under the bunk of a gentleman who had been pissing me off.
Putting ball bearings in the ceiling above a mates bunk as payback.
Convincing a new cadet to get me a bucket of prop wash when we were in dry dock for maintenance and I was working on replacing a prop blade we'd cracked. ( sailors will get that one)
Missing the ship and taking two days to rejoin it at the next port.

[dragon_wings]

Select coworkers and I play a game one of my coworkers made up (as far as I know) called 'Boom.' (The coworker that started it is a lesbian.)

If someone sees a lesbian or gay couple we'll page a coworker that plays and just say 'Boom.' Obviously gay guys or lesbians qualify as well.

[MoonCat]

On the old computer system, we used to play trivia during slow times. A co-worker we had at the time never supplied real answers, he just made up a lot of hilarious stuff, some of it just this side of obscene.

[wolfie]

Previous Job:
Convincing a new cadet to get me a bucket of prop wash when we were in dry dock for maintenance and I was working on replacing a prop blade we'd cracked. ( sailors will get that one)

Never heard about that one regarding a ship - from what I've read, used to be very common prank for airmen (jets put an end to it). Would have been great if the new cadet had brains and guts - use it to take off for a few hours, then come back "supply is all out, but base X is willing to trade us some for a couple 500 foot coils of chow line - we've got more than we need of that".

[ShootMePlease]

Having "relations" with a co-worker in the electrical room at my job. Also outside in the parking lot in his truck in broad daylight.

[Pixilated]

Why can't I have jobs like this? >_<

The worst stuff that happened even at the pizza joints was drivers doing and/or selling weed on the routes (one made damn good cake that he sold by the piece to us tho), and the occasional manager having a cold brew late at night while on duty. Those bastard were holding out on me x.x

At my last office job tho? uh uh. It was one of those places where the Office Manager/boss's GF would get off the phone with one of her friends briefly to tell a CW and I to shut up because talking automatically equals not working...I was even completely deprived of MSN/chat in the office for two years because of that mentality.

Can't answer for anyone else, EricKei, but journalism has, sadly, gone into a terrific decline in terms of allowing eccentricities. It's become as boring and buttoned-down as the most stereotypical corporate job on the planet. Dilbert would feel right at home there now.

[dendawg]

...I ended up giving him a desk side hummer right there at my desk.

Why can't I ever have a coworker like that? :P

Sorry, couldn't resist.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

I worked by myself a lot at one job where I basically ran the office while the owner did his own thing and I had a little thing going with one of the guys who worked out in the field. He came in one day at 5 to hand in his paperwork for the day and I ended up giving him a deskside hummer right there at my desk

Yet another reminder (as though I needed it) that I am totally in the wrong line of work.

[hotelslave]

Things I did while playing MOD at hotel:

One night as I was training two new employees (1 girl and 1 guy) on a sold out night me and the female trainee (had every thing imaginable done and had nothing left to do until the groups checked in) got bored. So we went onto Craigslist and into the MSM section and made a photo collage for the male trainee of all the naked men we saw. Then as the border we put all the nasty titles for the ads.

As the GM of hotel was chewing out me and another GSA at the desk for some thing stupid instead of listening to him I was singing The Song that Never ends in my head. I guess I started humming the song and he busted me for not listening.

We weren't supposed to have visitors while staying at the hotel. Got caught with boyfriend in room having "bible study"lol

[BeenThereDoneThat]

...and I ended up giving him a deskside hummer right there at my desk

OK, I have to admit I've done this as well, except I didn't work at the place, my boyfriend at the time did, and I doubt there were cameras as it was some small computer-repair-programming type place and it was the late 80s. Later on, while working at Mom and Pop Pizza Place, my then-boyfriend (who worked there too and sometimes it was just the two of us at the start of an early shift) and I thought about doing the nasty somewhere in the back room...but decided it was too risky. Oh well...

My choice for this particular thread topic: Telling your coworker that "no offense" (????) but that you work harder than she does and you should have gotten a better raise than her last quarter, AND including the amounts of said raises. And then telling her again, several times, in front of other coworkers. I was one of the witnesses..."M" didn't rat "A" out and neither did I, but someone else did, and I was perfectly happy to give a verbal statement to the bosses bout it. A didn't get fired, but I have a feeling she came pretty close. M is a very classy lady all around and I felt terrible for her but, as usual, she handled the situation very well and didn't even hold a grudge.

[BrenDAnn]

We pranked coworker B, who was working day shift in the kitchen, and has anxiety issues. First, my AM waited until B was in the bathroom, and snuck back and wrote out an order for 6 large pizzas, all specialty. She made it seem legit, and B freaked out. Then CW J, who was also in on it, called to order 10 large pizzas. Of course B was freaking out, until we let her in on the joke. Then she was all OMG that's not funny and rolling her eyes. Meanwhile CW C, AM and myself were nearly rolling with laughter!

Ooh, and my manager is EXTREMELY easy to mess with too. CW J has pulled SO much with her. Left fake notes on her desk, left a Ouija board in her office, etc. All fun, all enough to make my manager go even crazier than she is!

[Kitten in the box]

Stuff me and a buddy did:

1. Shrink wrap the boss's lunch bag so he open it
2. Grab a pallet of ciggs and place it in front of the prc's (product recovery's) office door and listen to him scream when he opened the door and it caught him off guard
3. Grabbed a silloutette of Freddy Kruegar and place it inside my boss's office and when she opened the door to turn on the light she screamed
4. Had a joint break on lunch at a friend's house
5. locked myself in the floral cooler and singed off key in surpranno
6. Belched loudly into the intercom at work
7. Put a stuffed chicken into the microwave in our breakroom
8. Played catch with a nerf ball with a friend down one of the aisles
9. Sat inside an empty cooler on the sales floor with a 'for sale' sign attached to me.
Yeah. we actually did all of this and our old manager thought it was hillarious. I miss that woman. She got transferred to another store but me and my friend see her often and we hang out and talk about the crap we pulled that could have gotten us canned. OUr new manager's all serious. As in you have to have a permit to laugh serious.

[Gizmo]

A colleague: Pranked the firm phone with a text-to-speech call claiming to be the Dalek's and they would exterminate us if we didn't give them funding for research into stairway movement. (This should have gone to my phone and I would have loved it but it got held in the system for about 3 hours. the night manager got it and had to be talked out of calling in a death threat to the police by a co-worker who realised that it was colleague pranking us).

A co-worker - tied the door handle of the single WC to another door handle so it couldn't be opened... with our most notoriously squeely colleague in there at the time. (Nearly did get trouble for that due to the other door handle not being secure and almost coming off! Not for trapping the co-worker).

Same Co-worker & his boss - waited until same squeely colleague to go in the WC and then put archiving boxes in front of the door so squeely was blocked in.

Whole department including manager - we had a temp who said "with-it" at the end of every sentance (or whenever she paused). Manager noticed this because she thought they heard "ribbit", clued in the rest of the department so we couldn't NOT hear it and one day had an email tally going on.... (Director told us to grow up)

Me - Came into to mega-conservative office just before Christmas (on a Saturday too so we were allowed to dress down) in a t-shirt with fake tattoo sleeves. Convinced Big Boss that they were real for about 5 minutes before bursting out laughing. Boss was in a good mood or else that would have gone bad.

Night Manager - Locked up and forgot to check all windows and skylights before a long weekend. left skylight over Managers desk open. Came back tuesday to flooded desk with Managers super-dooper-OTT-expensive PC completely dead.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Hanging a stuffed monkey in the locked electronics cage, in honor of electronics specialist, as he and his wife are swingers.

This one will require some background: In our backroom there is an area with a chest-high wall, and above and beyond this wall is open space, ductwork, etc between the false ceiling and the roof. From this area it is possible to lift up the ceiling tiles from behind the wall. At the time this happened, our TV display happened to be beneath this area.

So we rolled up little balls of tape, pulled up the ceiling tiles as discreetly as we could, and threw them at people staring fish-eyed at the TVs. None of them discovered us.