I. Am. Not. A. Salesman. It doesn't matter how often I say it, lately I'm roped into doing sales. I don't like them. Not a bit. And yet, there's something strangely intriguing about encouraging someone to do something you don't think they'll do, just to see if they'll do it. Something satisfying, as well, when they actually do it.
As a result, selling is a very strange beast for me. I don't consider myself charismatic and yet, sometimes I know exactly what to say, despite being fairly awkward socially and in general not being much of a people person. Here are my stories.
The Frenchman
There's one thing I've noticed about our French customers...they're rude. I mean, RUDE. Maybe not any ruder than your standard American customers in many senses, but for some reason they simply come off as goddamn rude at times. And I've learned that they seemingly appreciate being treated like that as well.
The more you interrupt, appropriately of course, and are short with them, the better they seem to respond. I don't know why this is, but I've managed to actually sell more channels and products this way with them, even when they're not calling in about them. I don't know, it just seems very strange, but somehow it works.
Fighting herp with derp
Sometimes a customer will present you with an argument that is so idiotic, profound, and illogical, you just don't know how to respond. Other times, you know how you WANT to respond, but you don't. And then there are the times you respond that way anyway, because you've stopped giving a damn.
SC: "So I want your HBO, BUT ONLY FOR A MONTH! I don't want to have to call in to cancel it!"
Me: "Well sir, we don't have a way of setting that up. And really, as long as you call up after the 30 day mark, you would be good to cancel it without any penalty-"
SC: "BULLCRAP. If you can put it on there, you can take it off, too!"
I take a second to think about what he just said here. I mull it over in my mind while he launches into a tirade about...something. I really wasn't listening at this point. I have a tendency to phase out when I'm told something completely ignorant. Then I fire this back at him while he's talking.
Me: "Hey sir."
SC: "-and I...what?"
Me: "So why wouldn't we be able to add this?"
SC: "...huh?"
Me: "I mean, obviously we can take it off, but only if you call in. Why would we proactively add this without your consent and why wouldn't we have a way to add this right now when you called in?"
SC: "...uh...uhhh...I...uh...look, just add it!"
Me: "Oh, right away sir!"
Yes. That just happened. I was pretty surprised myself, actually. I'll post more of these as they happened. Oh, he went back into his tirade after I added this and 5 minutes later, added Playboy too!
As a result, selling is a very strange beast for me. I don't consider myself charismatic and yet, sometimes I know exactly what to say, despite being fairly awkward socially and in general not being much of a people person. Here are my stories.
The Frenchman
There's one thing I've noticed about our French customers...they're rude. I mean, RUDE. Maybe not any ruder than your standard American customers in many senses, but for some reason they simply come off as goddamn rude at times. And I've learned that they seemingly appreciate being treated like that as well.
The more you interrupt, appropriately of course, and are short with them, the better they seem to respond. I don't know why this is, but I've managed to actually sell more channels and products this way with them, even when they're not calling in about them. I don't know, it just seems very strange, but somehow it works.
Fighting herp with derp
Sometimes a customer will present you with an argument that is so idiotic, profound, and illogical, you just don't know how to respond. Other times, you know how you WANT to respond, but you don't. And then there are the times you respond that way anyway, because you've stopped giving a damn.
SC: "So I want your HBO, BUT ONLY FOR A MONTH! I don't want to have to call in to cancel it!"
Me: "Well sir, we don't have a way of setting that up. And really, as long as you call up after the 30 day mark, you would be good to cancel it without any penalty-"
SC: "BULLCRAP. If you can put it on there, you can take it off, too!"
I take a second to think about what he just said here. I mull it over in my mind while he launches into a tirade about...something. I really wasn't listening at this point. I have a tendency to phase out when I'm told something completely ignorant. Then I fire this back at him while he's talking.
Me: "Hey sir."
SC: "-and I...what?"
Me: "So why wouldn't we be able to add this?"
SC: "...huh?"
Me: "I mean, obviously we can take it off, but only if you call in. Why would we proactively add this without your consent and why wouldn't we have a way to add this right now when you called in?"
SC: "...uh...uhhh...I...uh...look, just add it!"
Me: "Oh, right away sir!"
Yes. That just happened. I was pretty surprised myself, actually. I'll post more of these as they happened. Oh, he went back into his tirade after I added this and 5 minutes later, added Playboy too!
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