How Not to Get Hired 101

[RottenFruit]

I never had hiring experience (nor do I want to), but one story, I have as well:

Appear early. And by that I mean: one week early. Because apparently you forgot the date. (I arrived at the same time at a job interview as she did). Seriously.

[fireheart]

On the tattoo front, generally the rules that we had at the job were: cover it up with bandages if it was something small i.e. names/lettering/small designs etc.
If it was something a little bit bigger, then a friend of mine opted for a flesh-coloured "sleeve"that went over the tat and covered it while she was at work.

S

[silverstaff]

I was apparently a "Don't hire this guy" once. . .

I applied to a Grocery Store. Because of a mix-up with a campus career fair I thought I was applying to an Assistant Manager position.

Instead, I was going in to interview for a night-shift part-time (12 hour/week) stocker.

I went in there dressed to kill: my best business suit, power tie, sharp haircut, super-close shave, shoes were shined to a near-mirror finish, with a copy of my resume that listed my 2 B.A.'s and my leadership experience both in campus organizations in college and in the military.

The manager who was doing the interviews pretty much stopped the interview 10 seconds in to tell me that I was seriously overdressed, very overqualified, and definitely NOT what they were looking for in a stocker.

[mharbourgirl]

When you're applying for a job as a specialist welder (aluminum, other white metals - dangerous stuff to weld and requires extensive certification), you should probably NOT let a small child practice their handwriting by writing your CV on a piece of grey foolscap with a yellow crayon and then send it in with your application. Minus copies of your certs.

The only reason we know what he was applying for and who had actually done the crayon job is because he called two days after and got shirty with me wondering why he hadn't been called. I asked him if he'd meant to send in a sheet of his child's printing practice instead of his CV. He had. He thought it was cute and he didn't want to hurt his daughter's feelings, and didn't I think it was cute? I told the HR manager about that conversation and the CV never made it to the giant shelf of binders containing CVs of tradespeople we kept on file for when big jobs came up.

Seriously? Yellow crayon? I couldn't even read the bloody thing!

[Seshat]

When you're applying for a job as a specialist welder (aluminum, other white metals - dangerous stuff to weld and requires extensive certification),
<snippage>
Minus copies of your certs.

That alone would be a red flag. Attention to detail needed!

[fireheart]

One detail from a previous job interview that may have cost me the job:

do not walk into a job interview where the zip on your pants is broken. (this particular business did not do individual interviews, they did a group interview and selected people from that)

[BrenDAnn]

I have a good one from today. Do not walk into a store, bitch at the clerk for a good five or more minutes about cigarette prices and how much cheaper they are "back home", and the proceed to go all fake sweetness and ask for an application for the assistant manager position. Great way to (not) make a first impression, buddy, really.

[Moirae]

This one happened to me five or six years ago. As everyone here knows, I've been working in hotels for 6 years. One day I was at the front desk and someone walked up to ask for an application. Reaking of alcohol. I could smell it from at least 5 feet away. It was like waves were coming off him. He was dressed in a tshirt, jeans, and dirty sneakers and looked like he hadn't washed his hair.

Yeah, I told him we weren't hiring or accepting applications.

[pzychobitch]

I did this one.

TOTAL and COMPLETE brain-to-mouth filter failure.

While looking to get hired as a programmer, I was talking to the potential boss and one of the art guys... He asks me what I do for fun, and I say, oh, I read books and play computer games.

Potential Boss: Oh, what kinds of games?
Me: Well, strategy games, usually. I used to play WoW, but I realized it was basically an unpaid job I didn't even like much any more.
PB: Oh, so you don't like first person shooters?
Me: Nah- I just don't like all the inaccuracy built into them, and how it's so hard to aim. I can shoot someone in the head at 300 meters over iron sights, and I feel like games should be EASIER than shooting someone in real life...
PB: ...
Me: (thinking) DID I JUST SAY THAT?!... I mean... uhh...
PB: ...
Me: ...so, changing the topic...

I R SMOOTH.

The lesson of the day! If you are ALREADY a creepy mo-fo, do NOT casually speculate during the INTERVIEW about how easy it is for you to snuff out another human bein' from just under a quarter of a mile away... Nor ought you to imply in the context of the conversation that this would be an entertainin' activity.

LOL this is right gold!

[Seshat]

do not walk into a job interview where the zip on your pants is broken. (this particular business did not do individual interviews, they did a group interview and selected people from that)

Pack safety pins in your interview kit. As long as you discover it beforehand, and have five minutes to hit the bathroom and pin your fly closed, you can make it unnoticeable.

In that particular case, it'd be easier with a friend to help. But it's doable. Hems are easier to safety pin, of course.

[Android Kaeli]

If you need a job, please don't come in the store with pants sagging well past your crotch with an equally baggy shirt, enough gold chains around your neck to hold you down, a hat that's on sideways, and your group of friends that look like it took then less then five minutes to get dressed. In the dark. Please speak clearly and don't get offended when I tell you the only way you can put in an application is to go online.

Points if you swear that you don't have a 'f'ing computer', it's 'f'ing stupid' that there's no paper applications anymore, and walk out trying to hold up said pants. Bonus points if you do it in front of the SM, who has a pretty decent memory if you decide to come in a couple of hours later for the same request.

[Linda]

If you would like to work as a shoe repairer, please don't come in my store drooling and rubbing your thighs while you say things like "I like shooooooes" in an uber creepy voice.

Bonus points for the tent being pitched in your trousers at the thought of handling stilletos all day.

Ewww. Application filed in the round file.

[cheese]

Don't work in my office on a temporary contract, which was not renewed because you were awful - then reapply a year later for a permanent contract hoping everyone would have forgotten you by then. Yes, the manager/interviewer were different, so you managed to get an interview - but I'm still here! And even if I hadn't been, you should know what the job involves and therefore be able to pass the simple maths and computer tests (which you didn't even finish, let alone pass). Also, don't be rude to our administrator who showed you around/set up the tests for you, our boss does take our opinions into account too!

Don't come in for a 2 hour interview (interview plus tests) and say you can only stay half an hour, and could you be emailed the tests to do at home?

[Solacelawlz]

- show to an interview 35 minutes late with someone elses resume claiming it's yours

- show to an interview 10 minutes early but as you get up to shake the employers hand, reach in your pants to situate your junk for a good 10 secs, smell said hand while making a strange face, then reach for the hand shake.... yea it happened...

- Show to an interview tracking mud on the floor smelling of booze and old diapers

- cut off the employer while they are explaining the position to answer your phone in which you state "Yea girl, I'm in an interview right now...Yea he got a good view from up here. I'll tweet about it later I got this job in the bag" ...then winks at me like I'm supposed to agree? dot dot dot....

This one below, you SHOULD NOT do but sadly I did it, I was awesome/super lucky and got the job:

- I showed up to my first job out of college at IBM 75 mintues late, I got lost. *Mistake/Embarrassment#1*. The supervisor said "Normally we'd tell you to turn around and go home but they're still taking the technical exam so you can go do what you can in the time left." *Super Lucky* I go in room with group of 5 other people taking it already and finished it. The 5 applicants and myself are in the waiting room while tests are scanned and I comment on one of the pics on the wall stating how that chick looks super hot! Guess I said this too loud as she/supervisor walks in room, hears this and says "Yea.... that's me when I first got here." *Mistake/Embarrassment#2* At this point I'm thinking I should just walk out the door cause no way I'm getting this position. They call me back to discuss my exam and turns out I made the highest score. We talked over stuff and giggled about the weird situations of the day, then bam, job!!

[Divra]

Don't place strips of duct tape along your lower arms, and when someone inquires about them, say that you enjoy the feeling of pulling them off while you... pleasure yourself.

(OK, this wasn't for a job, it was for conscription, and this dude was actively trying to avoid spending a year humping a machine gun through the frozen wastes of northern Sweden, but still...)