How Not to Get Hired 101

[Boomer]

When management are the ones underdressed

Reading some of the stories here reminded me of something that happened this summer at the place where I work. It's generally business casual. One day we held a job fair for job applicants, and most were smart enough to dress well, many of the men in suits.

In a masterstroke of scheduling, the powers that be made that day "beach day" for employees, meaning the dress code was relaxed to allow t-shirts, shorts and sandals. Even the HR director was dressed for the occasion.

So, you can imagine the look on applicant's faces as they got off the elevator all duded up, only to be greeted by an HR director looking like he was ready to hit the surf. Priceless.

[edible_hat]

To not get hired, simply phone a convenience store and ask if they have any seasonal work available. Bonus points for saying you're willing to pick any kind of fruit that may be in season. (Personally I think he got the wrong number)

[crazylegs]

For a Job that requires a background check.

Upon completion of the CRB check has 13 Pages of data on the check...

[Digitalpotato]

Say you were fired for sexual harassment.

Bonus points if you actually had committed sexual harassment and managed to get convicted sexual harassment against a MAN!

[reirei]

-take food from the prepared food section, do not pay for it and go into your interview while eating it.

-continuously text messaging while the store manager is trying to interview you.

-lie about your criminal background, even though it was your parole officer that got you the interview in the first place.

[joe hx]

call the store and DEMAND the fax number, and when asked what for, say NOT YOUR BUSINESS, and finally huff TO SEND MY RESUME only to find out you've been talking to the manager all along.

[tigger222]

Walk into the store to hand in your application in swim trunks a towel and flip flops not even bothering to have brushed your hair when the closest pool is a 30 minet drive away.

[Palsgraf]

A woman was filling out a waitress application at the bar. I walked up to ask if she'd like a drink.

Water? Soda? (and joking ...) The hard stuff? (pointing to the liquor bottles behind me)

"I'll take the hard stuff," she accepted, and asked for a Blue Moon.

Um ... okay. I poured her the smallest glass we offer, then proceeded to have some fun with my manager:

"Do we charge job applicants for their beer, or is the first one on the house?"

"No, we ... Huh? No, she's NOT drinking a beer! Is she ...? I don't believe you!"

Go see for youself.

She started to get up, then sat back down, laughing.

"No, I don't believe you."

"She's at the bar. Just go take a peek."

"No! You're lying!"

"I couldn't make that story up; I'm not that creative. Just go see."

"No."

About five minutes later, she helped me carry a couple plates to the bar ... or at least she started to. The second she saw the applicant sitting with a beer, she had to turn around and return to the lobby as she started laughing.



When our General Manager got off the phone, we shared this little story with her. Her response: "Really?! It's not even two o'clock!"

Huh?

Although her respone was completely off, it actually did explain some other issues at work ...

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

When calling to rechedule an interview, tell the person taking your call the reason: that you have really bad cramps.

Seriously, I DIDN"T need to know that. That's not at all professional. Just say you have to reschedule for medical reasons or something.

[Parrothead]

Show up on your trial half-day at the kennel in a low-cut shirt, low-rise jeans with peep-toed high heels.

(We do a trial before you are officially hired at the kennel so we can see how you'll do, and you can see what the job really entails. That chick didn't even last the whole 4 hour shift.)

ETA:
-Quit a job working with animals (after being written up for leaving for the day, saying all dogs were out of the wet room, and leaving 5 in the wet room with no water.)
-Apply for a similar position with a vet.
-Use first place as a refrence.

[fireheart]

- Please do not pleasure yourself with a remote-control vibrator during an interview. Even if you are an attractive female.

Just WHAT is erotic about having a job interview?

[Evil Queen]

Do not call to "Check on your Application."

I'll not tell the HR guy that you called. Ever. So stop trying to convince me that you're still interested.

And next time dress more appropriately then some gansta wannabe that just rolled outta bed.

[edible_hat]

Do not call to "Check on your Application."

Some of those how-to-get-a-job courses actually encourage that because it "shows that you're pro-active". Although the only interviews I've had were from jobs where I didn't do that.

[crazylegs]

When applying for a job with the emergency services do not act suprised when shifts are involved.

Including nights.

And weekends.

[Amina516]

When applying for a job with the emergency services do not act suprised when shifts are involved.

Including nights.

And weekends.

OMG....Did you mention Holidays too and then their head exploded?