How Not to Get Hired 101

[Victoria J]

This should be how not to get hired, but I actually got the job.

Apply for a job where confidentiality is very important. Be working in another job where confidentiality is important.

Go to the office fax (with your supervisor's permission - as the post was short term and they were pretty supportive) to fax your application and meet the deadline at the last minute.

Get to the fax and go "Oh, we have new referrals". Pick up referral sheets and look at them. Turn over the papers in your hand...

Fax your application and 3 confidential client referrals.



I had to phone up the second office desperately asking them to shred the things unseen. The receptionist there was lovely (even lovelier when I actually worked there) if puzzled and sorted it out for me. I suspect she may never have mentioned anything to the manager.

The supervisor at the old job was so sweet she offered to call the office and say she'd faxed for me, and try and sort it out. I figured you need to clear up your own messes sometimes.

I'm a very very lucky person.

Incidentally the old job there was a short term permission and was later made permanent. I applied and failed to get the job I was actually doing. They were really nice and said it had been a hard choice, I can't believe it was. They asked at the interview why I wanted to do the job, and what I liked about that sort of work - I just stared blankly. I couldn't lie to people I knew and liked and I just couldn't think of anything positive to say. It was an OK job but not for me.

Others - failed to understand a question at interview. Unfortunately the person who asked it (a 5 person interview panel, where they'd assigned questions to people and had someone from the admin team ask a highly technical question outside her field) didn't understand it either and couldn't explain when I asked, it was just the most awful silence. I think she was more embarrassed than I was.

Another blank moment - when asked to tell the interviewed about a time I'd helped resolve conflict. I could only think of times I started it.

Also I once interviewed for a telephone job, I think it was calling people for charity applications. You had to interview and then you had to phone someone up and use the script. When it was my turn to phone the phone system went funny and it didn't go through. At that time I was so desperately shy I couldn't manage to tell anyone this and I just pretended I'd done it and ran away I probably wasn't cut out for cold calling

Victoria J

[NateTheChops]

Happened to me.

Ask cashier "Are you hiring?"

When cashier says, "I'm not sure but you're welcome to fill out an application."

Fill the application out and ask for cashier's name.

When he tells you "NateSean", write that name down in the "Did an employee refer you here, if so, who?"

Now, if you know said cashier, this isn't a problem. But said cashier didn't push to have his own brother hired by the store because he knew his brother would up and quit without warning, thus relecting poorly on him.

The lesson here is that if I recommend you for employment at any place where I work it is because I would trust you to remove my kidneys with no stronger anesthetic than the numbness which an appletini can provide. I certainly would never recommend some ragged street punk who just walked in and asked me for my name.

[edible_hat]

-Attempt to buy cigarettes on a Saturday night.
-Have a tantrum when asked for ID.
-Return the following Tuesday morning.
-Fail to recognise the CSR who wouldn't sell you cigarettes, and hand him your resume.

[HorrorFrogPrincess]

~Come into your interview and NOT know who you're supposed to be seeing.
~Pull out your laptop, put it on the counter, and look up your e-mail to see who it is.

[hotelslave]

How not to get a job at my store this lady was a good example. Had a cart load of stuff and started the convo by asking to speak to the MOD and since I was the opening manager unfortunately that was me. She wanted to nit pick all of the prices. Wanted me to do price check on every thing. About 75% of cart she said she didnt want when I told her the price. This process took about 20 min. Then as shes paying asked if we were hiring and what kind of discount could she get when she was hired. Needless to say I told her we werent hiring

[jjllbb]

not knowing who the beatles or the rolling stones are - when you are applying for a job at a record store.

ahahahahaha. priceless

[Food Lady]

Come in wearing spandex shorts and a cleavage-spilling sport bra and ask for an application.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Come in wearing spandex shorts and a cleavage-spilling sport bra and ask for an application.

Oh man, she must have come to see you after visiting my store!

[taxguykarl]

Ask for an applicaion in March-for a seasonal job that runs January 15 to April 15.

Demonstrate that you can't add 3 and 5 without a calculator--no I am not exaggerating.

When your application is not answered, throw a profanity-laden temper tantrum in the waiting area.

I wish I was making this up.

[Mr.Customer]

-Wear a T-shirt that says "Ask me if I care" on the front.

-Tell the interviewer that you only want X amount of hours so that you still qualify for welfare, especially when full time positions are available. I understand this if it is disability and the person is only able to work a limited number of hours, or if only part time work is available, but an able bodied person with a full time position available?

-On the above note, asking if we are hiring and when we say "yes, just bring in a resume" you respond, "could you sign this then?" and hand me a form to sign to prove you were looking for work to welfare or employment insurance, guess what I am not going to sign it unless you actually are applying for work with the intent of getting it, you haven't even given me your name, let alone a resume so No you have not applied to work here.

-Don't wear a white shirt with a huge coffee stain down the front of it to the interview. I never even noticed until afterwards, stupid drippy coffee travel mug.

[infinitemonkies]

Got a resume in yesterday. Its a huge rambling novella that goes on for 6 pages full of typos and poor spacing. Woman claims she used to be the assistant editor of a newspaper

Here's the best part though; I have absolutely no idea what she meant to say here, but I'm so facsinated and intrigued I'd definately give her an interview just to find out.

This is a direct quote from a section labeled "accomplshimnets" sub-section "Teamwork": (underline/bold added by me)

" - Actively participated in brainstorming sessions to generate ideas for future problem solving;this includes a practicl, immediate and highly effective theft"

[evillebee]

1st post Longtime lurker

b/g My hubby and I own a service business where we have many deliveries and outside yard cleanup.

Neighbor came by when hubby got off work one day to see if hubby would be interested in interviewing his 18 year old son as a clean up kid. Hubby said sure, send him down in about an hour and I'll talk to him.

What we learned:

* 18 Years old with a 1 year old child and baby mama
* Thinking about getting his GED
* btw, my baby mama is preggers again
* Not very interested in school, doesn't know if he really wants to get his GED

My 12 year old son was sitting on the couch listening to this kid talk. When he left my son started cracking up and said "You're not going to hire him, are you?" My 12 y/o had more sense than this kid.

Here's the part. The next day, my mother, who babysat for my two youngest at my home, showed me an empty pen thing that she said my oldest daughter found in the chair. I had no clue what it was and threw it in the trash.

An hour later hubby came home and the 18 year old neighbor walked up to hubby and told him his CRACK PIPE fell out of his pocket when he was over the night before!!! Hubby was speechless and stared the kid down until he turned and walked away. 2+2 I figured out what the empty pen thingy was.

I swear I couldn't make this stuff up.

[fireheart]

At my work, your application will DEFINITELY get tossed if you do this:

Go up to the checkout operator on the open checkout NEXT to the service desk, where she is serving and ask for a job. Granted, nobody was serving at the service desk, but all I would've had to do was yell and my sup would be there. And the guy walked right up to me, didn't wait at the desk at all.

I had another version of this the other day. It's amazing how many people do not see the sign that says "Customer Inquiries". Had a gentleman walk up to me and ask for a job AGAIN! Different guy. What, do I LOOK like a manager?!

I got asked to take the trash out later and saw his resume and cover letter. We very rarely take written applications, more often they're done online and sent to the store. But I noticed a few things that made me think the guy wouldn't have gotten a second interview.

1) It went on forever. The point of a cover letter as far as I know is that it's meant to be short and sweet.
2) No mention of the business name or what we do whatsoever. Yes, I'm familiar with cover letters, but even I'll at least put different names in the business field.
3) The guy I think was a bit too overqualified. (he talked about medicine quite a bit...)
4) He was aiming for a position that normally gets promoted from within.

I get the feeling that his application may have been tossed for those reasons. But seriously...

[Trayol]

Ask whether the Store Manager is a douche-bag to your friend who already works there within earshot of the Shift Manager.

[LibraryLady]

When applying for a job that requires a high degree of computer knowledge prepare your resume and cover letter on a manual typewriter.