Christmas songs that MUST DIE!

[firecat88]

Some of the worst Christmas music I've ever heard lately has been at stores. I was in Denver last weekend and, at Macy's, I heard all of the following:

1) A 90s hip-hop version of the Nutcracker's 'March of the Toy Soldiers'. This thing was so full of record-scratch sound effects and the actual music so chopped up and fragmented that I had to listen for a good 20 seconds before I realized what it was.

2) A similar version of Carol of the Bells. There were no record-scratches, but they 'jazzed it up' by making it a remix

3) An equally similar version of Jingle Bells. Thankfully, the words weren't altered. They were just set to a really weird-for-the-song beat.

There were a few others too: A horrid rendition of 'Baby It's Cold Outside' by Michael Buble and some woman who could not carry a tune if it had handles on it. That one Beach Boys song that has the line 'Christmas comes this time each year' (I dislike that song and it's largely because of that line). Also, some vaguely Christmas-related song by...I have no idea who sang it, save that the singer was a woman, the song mentioned going to a lot of Christmas parties, and a good portion of it wasn't so much actual lyrics as it was her just singing 'AaaaaaAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAAhh'.

However, I would take that over the music I heard at Kohl's the other day. All of it was country music, Christmas, pop songs that were probably supposed to be romantic but were actually rather creepy and stalkerish, or some combo of the three.

[Sapphire Silk]

I also cannot stand "Silent Night". Mostly because very rarely do I hear it sounding GOOD. most of the time, when they go "All is calm, all is bright", the interval from "night" to "all" is WAY WAY WAY too steep.

Some songs are challenging vocally speaking. The national anthem is the same way. If you don' sing on a regular basis, or don't have any voice to begin with, songs like this are pure torture on the ears for everyone else.

Silent Night is one of my favorites.

I'm alto, so I don't have that problem. But I, too, can sing the damn Hallelujah Chorus in my sleep. Well, the alto line of either SATB or SSATB. (Soprano, Second Soprano...)

I could sing the whole Hallelujah Chorus, all four parts. I couldn't hit all the soprano notes, but I could hit most of the bass (I'm a contralto, bordering on tenor).

Of course, it is only a very small part of the Messiah.

1) Christmas Shoes (Yes, because Jesus gives a crap what shoes Mommy Dearest is wearing when she buys the farm. Not only that, but how horrible is the implication that she needs a pair of shoes just to look beautiful? Shouldn't the kid think his mom is beautiful anyway?)

This isn't my favorite song. It just doesn't speak to me as Christmas music--too depressing. However, I don't think the message is terrible; it's about someone who loves their mother so much they are desperate to do something simple and small to make her day when she's dying.

2) I'll Be Home for Christmas (Talk about depressing. Even my coworker, M, who is so full of Christmas spirit it's sickening hates this song.)

Not one of my favorites, either. But then again, I'm not a Bing Crosby fan.

3) Santa Baby (Eww, just eww.)

Yeah, I'm with ya on this one.

5) A three-way tie for each song: Winter Wonderland, Let it Snow, and My Favourite Things. These are not Christmas songs! Stop playing them constantly at Christmas! The first two are Winter songs, sure, but the last one is from The Sound of Music! It doesn't belong anywhere in a Christmas mix!

Well, Christmas does coincide with the start of winter. Though you're technically right. The first two are favorites anyway.

Plus, I'd like to hear a bit more variety in general. It's always the same songs played over and over again until you're sick of them.

As a customer, I'm right there with you. How hard is it to increase the variety?

EDIT: Oh I almost forgot. I've no idea of they have a CD or anything but I found these guys last year and OMG they're good. May I present... the Daejeon Handbell Choir. Here's a link to their version of 'Parade Of The Tin Soldiers'...prepare to be blown away by this chick's sheer skill!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHyrUmc7c0k

This was AWESOME!!!

[Jay 2K Winger]

Has anyone mentioned that song "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime"?

I hate that song so goddamn much.

[dawnfire]

Does six white boomers count?

that's up there too.

[fireheart]

that's up there too.

Admittedly I don't mind six white boomers so much because its somewhat catchy. It's also a great way to teach children about how a song can tell a story. It also doesn't capitalise on religion or put any focus on the "ocker" type activities that the others are known for. (For the record, I do not say shrimp on the barbie)

[depechemodefan]

1) The damn hippo song! You do NOT want a hippo for Christmas! A hippo is not a good pet. It will eat you and then excrete your remains in gigantic piles all around the house. Besides that, the girl singing it has the most annoying voice in existance.

ONe of my favorite tv shows is Bones, and I love how Brennan would comment tht in real life a (stuffed toy) bear would "devour a small child". Or, (looking at another toy) " You know, elephants are not purple. This is wrong."

My dad died 3 days before Christmas when I was 16. So Christmas music is depressing for me. Sometimes I can listen through one song, but after that I have to change the channel. Then my mom's favorite Christmas song is the Littel Drummer Boy, so I get depressed when I hear it (she died recently).

[TheSHAD0W]

o/^ I saw mommy kissing Yog Sothoth...

[Pixilated]

Walked into a store today and they were playing a bluesy version of "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas." Not sure whether it isn't a song that fits the smokey, bluesy genre or whether it was just a really lousy attempt at being smokey and bluesy but ... ugh.

[Dreamstalker]

I once mentioned to K (Bake Shop manager) how I was tempted to hack the sound system and insert TSO, Mannheim, Weird Al and Dr. Demento into the rotation Her reaction: "I LOVE you!" Unfortunately, I don't think it can be done...even though I know where the server closet is, there are too many cameras and we suspect the feed is controlled by Corporate.

I'm noticing a lot of bad, way off-key covers of what would otherwise be decent classic songs. Is being horrendously off-key supposed to sound sultry or something now?

Has anyone mentioned that song "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime"?

I hate that song so goddamn much.

Oh HELL yes. Instant rage-inducing. For some reason that song's heavy on the rotation at my store. Along with "Do They Know It's Christmastime In Africa" and some other self-righteous junk.

Jingle Bells. Really?? Do we REALLY need a crapload of the same song?

I once commented to CSM (my boss) "One more version of 'Jingle Bells' and I'm going to go up to the offices and start pelting customers with the Coca-Cola bears."
CSM: "Good, maybe that way we'll finally get rid of em."
Grocery Manager: "The bears or the customers?"

[Seshat]

Given that a large proportion of Africans aren't actually Christian, I don't think they care that it's Christmastime. Now, if it were Ramadan.....

(A sizeable proportion of east-coast Africans are Muslim, courtesy of Arab trade routes.)



For those of you who are clock-watching; when 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful' comes on the rotation, don't get caught singing this:


Oh why are we waiting,
Bo-ored and impatient?
Why are we wai-aiting,
Oh why do we wait?

Waiting is boring,
I don't think I can sta-and it.

I don't think I can bear it,
I don't think I can stand it,
I don't think I can take i-itttt.
Chri-ist, I'm bored.


(My husband and a friend of his coined it.)

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Ditto Perry Como. The man who could sing while fast asleep. Listening to him puts me to sleep.

Oh yes, Perry Coma. *yawn*

[fireheart]

Oh why are we waiting,
Bo-ored and impatient?
Why are we wai-aiting,
Oh why do we wait?

Waiting is boring,
I don't think I can sta-and it.

I don't think I can bear it,
I don't think I can stand it,
I don't think I can take i-itttt.
Chri-ist, I'm bored.


(My husband and a friend of his coined it.)

that's funny.

[XCashier]

Oh why are we waiting,
Bo-ored and impatient?
Why are we wai-aiting,
Oh why do we wait?

Waiting is boring,
I don't think I can sta-and it.

I don't think I can bear it,
I don't think I can stand it,
I don't think I can take i-itttt.
Chri-ist, I'm bored.

Good one! Ranks with the rest of the Holiday Songs For Us!

Argh, I'm getting tired of the Christmas music. Even singing parody lyrics has lost its fun. And we can't turn it down, either. It's irksome.

[Dreamstalker]

I was supposed to be babysitting self-scan tonight, but got sent to block the aisles most of the time. That was even more mind-numbing than usual as I could not block out the damn music (the front end typically has enough assorted noise that I can easily ignore the overhead).

[BroSCFischer]

I generally don't mind X-mas songs, unless, like Merriweather, I have heard it a dozen or more times. The ones I hate are:

1) The War is Over (way over played on a local station)
2) We Wish You a Merry Christmas (because of the 2nd and 3rd verses)
3) The Little Drummer Boy (Just never liked it, since I was a kid)
4) Do You Hear What I Hear? (Same as Drummer Boy)
5) Traditional or well known X-mas songs that the "artist" has to personalize. (Said artists should DIAF)

SC