It's the (Expletive) Lottery!

[fireheart]

Double bonus - the young couple, after a night on the turps, who wanted a bit of 'action' but he had trouble performing. So they decided putting a six inch nail down the urethra to 'splint' it was a good idea.

I shared this one with my partner. His response: "Haven't these people heard of Viagra?!?!?!"

[Crossbow]

I shared this one with my partner. His response: "Haven't these people heard of Viagra?!?!?!"

Hell, two popsicle sticks and a roll of Scotch tape would be better than their idea!

[fireheart]

Hell, two popsicle sticks and a roll of Scotch tape would be better than their idea!

Or a length of stiff plastic taped to one side (which I believe is how female-to-male patients wind up achieving erections).

ETA: Whoops, forgot to add, FTM patients wind up having the stiff plastic inserted INTO the constructed phallus.

[Sapphire Silk]

I can top all of you (need to find the link though).

Metal fork...in the penis. Shoved in handle first (meaning that they had to remove it prong first).
Somehow, they managed to get it out without needing to make an incision.

I have actually seen a gentleman with a straw in his urethra. He had to have it surgically removed, and his penis repaired.

His sister was a colleague in the ER where I worked. She was so mortified, she resigned on the spot.

The worst thing I ever saw though, was something that is usually quite normal in a woman's vagina.

Problem is that something was three of those normal things, and they'd been in there a couple of weeks. Those things were tampons.

Woman comes in to detox from alcohol. The ER doc admits her to the detox unit. Next day, once she sobers up, she complains of abdominal pain and says she can't remember when she put the tampons in. She also had a fever.

Because the ER doc admitted her, he had to do the dumpster dive to retrieve them. I set up the pelvic room for him and had to chaperone. The smell was so bad, we wore masks. They helped a bit, but not much. Some vicks vapo rub would have been ideal, but we didn't have any.

The tampons looked like three grey mice, and smelled like a mix of a brothel and a sewer.

[Seanette]

(shudder) Your description alone has me gagging.

[Miss Maple Leaf]

Dude, Sapphire Silk, how the hell was she not dead from Toxic Shock Syndrome?!?

[fireheart]

I

The tampons looked like three grey mice, and smelled like a mix of a brothel and a sewer.

I think I remember you sharing this story with us. I do also have to wonder how the hell was she not dead from TSS.

[rose_metal_nz]

Re. the razor blades & such - my friend's mum used to work in the E.R. and she said some of the homeless guys would do such stuff (same examples used) in order to get 3 hots and a cot. Sad, but true.

[Sapphire Silk]

Dude, Sapphire Silk, how the hell was she not dead from Toxic Shock Syndrome?!?

I think I remember you sharing this story with us. I do also have to wonder how the hell was she not dead from TSS.

Yeah, I have mentioned this story before.

She did get septic from this: got a major blood borne infection, which is essentially what happens with TSS. We got her early enough that she made a full recovery, went to rehab after, and started coming back to the ER again because she was stinking drunk.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

She's either successfully rehabbed by now, or she is dead. This happened 15 years ago.

[Tama]

I told Al about the nail and all he could do is cringe.

[fireheart]

Wasn't there a story of the guy who poured cement up his ass and they managed to get it out without tearing the anus?

I also remember there being a story of a guy who somehow got a bullet or a bomb casing shoved up there. All I remember is that the bomb squad were asked to deal with it.

[Gilhelmi]

I remember a story of someone who tried to smuggle a hand-grenade into prison.

I really do not want to think about the 'tactics' on getting a baseball sized object into the anal cavity.