I understand that there are restrictions on ADD drugs and why sometimes doctors are reluctant when it comes to them. That does not however get rid of the frustration really. I was tested and diagnosed with ADD when it was in 2nd grade and was put on medication. Late middle school/early high school, I realized I generally wasn't happen. Honestly a lot of it was my situation and the fact that I hadn't figured out the coping mechanisms I needed for the ADD and for my situation. I didn't realize that was the cause at the time, just that I wasn't happy. My mom responded by taking me to a doctor and having me put on antidepressants. I always hated being on them. I know that they work for some people but they don't work for me. After my first semester of college, things changed a lot. I suddenly moved out of my parent's house for the first time, I stopped attending college for the most part so I wasn't insured either. All the changes and the money issues meant that I slowly went off all the medications. I eventually started seeing a therapist who was amazing. The self understanding and coping mechanisms helped amazingly and I started understanding more and more how I worked and how to adapt to that and make the improvements I wanted to. I no longer was generally unhappy and I started enjoying life.
I had mostly managed without the ADD meds during this time but it was tricky. I had a lot of trouble being productive outside of work and I only managed at work because it involved moving around and was slow enough that I could randomly decide to reorganize things or become super focused on something and it wasn't a problem so long as it was helpful to the workplace. I would have liked to have gotten back on the meds but still no insurance so the idea got set aside. After a while I started working a desk job that required a lot of data entry and sitting still and also provided insurance.
I figured with the new strain on my focus and the added insurance, it was a great time to see about getting back on the meds. That's when I had my first delightful experience at being told that I was a liar and I didn't have ADD, I had depression. This was by a doctor who barely knew me and had only seen me a couple of times before. He was so rude about it that I immediately started looking for a new doctor. I managed to find one who wasn't too bad and who was willing to prescribe ADD meds to me, but only if he was continuing a current prescription. He suggested I go to the psychiatric department of the hospital/clinic and see if they would prescribe them to me to start with. I did and was told that I would have to go through $3,000 out of pocket ADD testing to prove I had it, despite my history with it. That wasn't an option but luckily my therapist recommended a different psychologist to me who was nice and prescribed me Vyvanse which has been working wonderfully for me. He started me out on the lowest dosage and ended up moving me up to the middle dosage within a month.
I think I've been on it for about 4 years or so at this point and I've been noticing that it's been less effective than it had been so I started asking about getting upped to the top dosage. My doctor said that that wasn't something he was comfortable doing either (usually he doesn't handle these types of drugs at all, even as continuing prescriptions) but referred me to the psych department again. I had an initial appointment with one of their therapists which wasn't bad and he seemed to actually listen to what I had to say though he found it surprising that despite the ADD, I had no trouble with alcohol and didn't have a criminal record, so I'm not sure what kind of patients he normally has to deal with.
Finally had an appointment with the psychiatrist and it was bad. She seemed to have decided right off the bat that I clearly had depression and not ADD. Despite describing all my symptoms, she only seemed to hear "concentration issues" and wouldn't move beyond that really. She had me take a 15 or so question long printed out survey pertaining to depression near the beginning and a 6 question long one on ADD near the end that she found on the internet. I was told at one point that anyone can look up the symptoms of ADD online and claim to have them. At another point, I was told that I don't present typically which I guess means that I'm not only a liar, I'm really really bad at it. It seems that my learned coping mechanisms and ways of dealing with ADD are biting me in the ass. No I don't seem fidgety. I've learned to hide it when I am out in public. Hands in jacket pockets or allowing my toes to move but not my feet. Channeling things and such. It's not easy but a severe hate of feeling like I wasn't in control of myself for so long when I was younger has resulted in a lot of effort being put into managing this. It doesn't mean I don't need the help. Also of course I don't seem as bad, I'm on medication that is partially working and just needs to be increased. She kept going on about the risks of dependency on the drugs. I sometimes forget to have them refilled before I run out and I don't always take them on the weekends if I'm not needing to be productive. I also have no other addiction issues with any other substances so there isn't a history of it. I almost got the feeling that she thought that dosage should never be prescribed and that ADD drugs were bad from how she kept talking about them. Yes, it is a drug that can effect your system. I know that if I go off for longer than 5 days, my body definitely starts noticing the lack of it in my system but it's not anything huge. I get a bit grouchier or more impatient but otherwise, I'm fine. I know how they effect me and sometimes I even go off them for a day because I just feel like doing something more creative that I know the meds block. I know about the side effects and how they effect me. What the pros and cons are with that and how to manage the one or two that slightly show up.
The result is she wants me to get ADD testing. This may now be covered for me due to a change in the mental health section of the insurance plan, but I'm not sure. I am however exhausted with having depression on my chats repeatedly bite me in the ass. It has come up a number of times where I'll have problems with something and it'll get automatically decided it must be my depression that I don't actually have. A lot of her questions seemed actually geared in that direction and despite all of my answers otherwise, she seemed stuck on the idea from the start. The psychiatrist said that she would be willing to look over the testing from 2nd grade (though made it clear that it wouldn't change her requiring new testing) but flat out said she had no interest in seeing anything from the doctor that put me back on the drugs. She also wants me to get blood work done to see if maybe the concentration problem might be caused by something else. I found it fairly amusing that cholesterol was on the list of things they were checking me for. It was probably the only thing I found funny during the whole thing and I have since told my sister several times "it must be my cholesterol messing with my focus again." Most of the things she is testing me for, I have been tested for in the last year or two and it all came back fine.
I'm still waiting to hear if my insurance will cover this or not. I was told by the nurse that I had to call the business office, get the procedure codes, call my insurance, and verify coverage rather than the hospital preauthorizing me. This whole things has started to feel more and more like the process of getting things set up and getting to the testing appointment is the actual test. I mean clearly if I can manage all of this, I must not actually have ADD right? :P I finally remembered to call the business office woman yesterday. I should note that my appointment was originally today but I had already had to reschedule it for Feb. It turns out that what I was told wasn't quite right. When the appointment is set up, the doctor is supposed to email the business office with all the information so they can get things preauthorized. However they don't guarantee coverage and request that patients call the insurance themselves to verify what will or won't be covered. Also, the business office had never gotten an email about me so none of this process had already been taken care of and my insurance requires hospital preauthorization it turns out so it's a good thing I had rescheduled and didn't just risk it due to the doctors repeatedly telling me that they were sure it was now covered.
I have no doubt in my head that I have ADD. I've done a lot of research on it and anxiety and depression and I do know there is plenty of symptom overlap but I've been dealing with this my whole life and I've worked very hard at an already strong sense of self awareness of how I work. But I've also since after high school been dealing with doctors who just decided I was depressed and didn't have ADD without even talking to me. All of this dealing with this now has me worried. What if the testing doesn't go good? It would completely fuck me over. And I know that's partly an irrational fear. I have it and the testing will show that but then again, it's not like a blood test where you either clearly have it or you don't. At least having the new test results on my side would help me shut down any further issues but I'm just stressed dealing with it. If I'm able to get tested, I do plan on going off the meds the day of and the day before. No matter what happens with the insurance or the test results, I don't think I want to go back to that psychiatrist again even if it makes it look like I'm just trying to find a doctor who will give me pills. What's the point in a psychiatrist who doesn't even listen to you?
I had mostly managed without the ADD meds during this time but it was tricky. I had a lot of trouble being productive outside of work and I only managed at work because it involved moving around and was slow enough that I could randomly decide to reorganize things or become super focused on something and it wasn't a problem so long as it was helpful to the workplace. I would have liked to have gotten back on the meds but still no insurance so the idea got set aside. After a while I started working a desk job that required a lot of data entry and sitting still and also provided insurance.
I figured with the new strain on my focus and the added insurance, it was a great time to see about getting back on the meds. That's when I had my first delightful experience at being told that I was a liar and I didn't have ADD, I had depression. This was by a doctor who barely knew me and had only seen me a couple of times before. He was so rude about it that I immediately started looking for a new doctor. I managed to find one who wasn't too bad and who was willing to prescribe ADD meds to me, but only if he was continuing a current prescription. He suggested I go to the psychiatric department of the hospital/clinic and see if they would prescribe them to me to start with. I did and was told that I would have to go through $3,000 out of pocket ADD testing to prove I had it, despite my history with it. That wasn't an option but luckily my therapist recommended a different psychologist to me who was nice and prescribed me Vyvanse which has been working wonderfully for me. He started me out on the lowest dosage and ended up moving me up to the middle dosage within a month.
I think I've been on it for about 4 years or so at this point and I've been noticing that it's been less effective than it had been so I started asking about getting upped to the top dosage. My doctor said that that wasn't something he was comfortable doing either (usually he doesn't handle these types of drugs at all, even as continuing prescriptions) but referred me to the psych department again. I had an initial appointment with one of their therapists which wasn't bad and he seemed to actually listen to what I had to say though he found it surprising that despite the ADD, I had no trouble with alcohol and didn't have a criminal record, so I'm not sure what kind of patients he normally has to deal with.
Finally had an appointment with the psychiatrist and it was bad. She seemed to have decided right off the bat that I clearly had depression and not ADD. Despite describing all my symptoms, she only seemed to hear "concentration issues" and wouldn't move beyond that really. She had me take a 15 or so question long printed out survey pertaining to depression near the beginning and a 6 question long one on ADD near the end that she found on the internet. I was told at one point that anyone can look up the symptoms of ADD online and claim to have them. At another point, I was told that I don't present typically which I guess means that I'm not only a liar, I'm really really bad at it. It seems that my learned coping mechanisms and ways of dealing with ADD are biting me in the ass. No I don't seem fidgety. I've learned to hide it when I am out in public. Hands in jacket pockets or allowing my toes to move but not my feet. Channeling things and such. It's not easy but a severe hate of feeling like I wasn't in control of myself for so long when I was younger has resulted in a lot of effort being put into managing this. It doesn't mean I don't need the help. Also of course I don't seem as bad, I'm on medication that is partially working and just needs to be increased. She kept going on about the risks of dependency on the drugs. I sometimes forget to have them refilled before I run out and I don't always take them on the weekends if I'm not needing to be productive. I also have no other addiction issues with any other substances so there isn't a history of it. I almost got the feeling that she thought that dosage should never be prescribed and that ADD drugs were bad from how she kept talking about them. Yes, it is a drug that can effect your system. I know that if I go off for longer than 5 days, my body definitely starts noticing the lack of it in my system but it's not anything huge. I get a bit grouchier or more impatient but otherwise, I'm fine. I know how they effect me and sometimes I even go off them for a day because I just feel like doing something more creative that I know the meds block. I know about the side effects and how they effect me. What the pros and cons are with that and how to manage the one or two that slightly show up.
The result is she wants me to get ADD testing. This may now be covered for me due to a change in the mental health section of the insurance plan, but I'm not sure. I am however exhausted with having depression on my chats repeatedly bite me in the ass. It has come up a number of times where I'll have problems with something and it'll get automatically decided it must be my depression that I don't actually have. A lot of her questions seemed actually geared in that direction and despite all of my answers otherwise, she seemed stuck on the idea from the start. The psychiatrist said that she would be willing to look over the testing from 2nd grade (though made it clear that it wouldn't change her requiring new testing) but flat out said she had no interest in seeing anything from the doctor that put me back on the drugs. She also wants me to get blood work done to see if maybe the concentration problem might be caused by something else. I found it fairly amusing that cholesterol was on the list of things they were checking me for. It was probably the only thing I found funny during the whole thing and I have since told my sister several times "it must be my cholesterol messing with my focus again." Most of the things she is testing me for, I have been tested for in the last year or two and it all came back fine.
I'm still waiting to hear if my insurance will cover this or not. I was told by the nurse that I had to call the business office, get the procedure codes, call my insurance, and verify coverage rather than the hospital preauthorizing me. This whole things has started to feel more and more like the process of getting things set up and getting to the testing appointment is the actual test. I mean clearly if I can manage all of this, I must not actually have ADD right? :P I finally remembered to call the business office woman yesterday. I should note that my appointment was originally today but I had already had to reschedule it for Feb. It turns out that what I was told wasn't quite right. When the appointment is set up, the doctor is supposed to email the business office with all the information so they can get things preauthorized. However they don't guarantee coverage and request that patients call the insurance themselves to verify what will or won't be covered. Also, the business office had never gotten an email about me so none of this process had already been taken care of and my insurance requires hospital preauthorization it turns out so it's a good thing I had rescheduled and didn't just risk it due to the doctors repeatedly telling me that they were sure it was now covered.
I have no doubt in my head that I have ADD. I've done a lot of research on it and anxiety and depression and I do know there is plenty of symptom overlap but I've been dealing with this my whole life and I've worked very hard at an already strong sense of self awareness of how I work. But I've also since after high school been dealing with doctors who just decided I was depressed and didn't have ADD without even talking to me. All of this dealing with this now has me worried. What if the testing doesn't go good? It would completely fuck me over. And I know that's partly an irrational fear. I have it and the testing will show that but then again, it's not like a blood test where you either clearly have it or you don't. At least having the new test results on my side would help me shut down any further issues but I'm just stressed dealing with it. If I'm able to get tested, I do plan on going off the meds the day of and the day before. No matter what happens with the insurance or the test results, I don't think I want to go back to that psychiatrist again even if it makes it look like I'm just trying to find a doctor who will give me pills. What's the point in a psychiatrist who doesn't even listen to you?
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