Hubby hit the wall today...

[NorthernZel]

Got the verdict on FIL's health today. Terminal cancer, nothing to be done, released to home w/ palliative care visits. F**k.

Paging Sapphire Silk and/or other forumers with hospice experience, any advice on what we next-of-kins should be aware of? We're already taking some initiatives to make FIL's last days be as comfortable as possible (the doctor didn't give us a time frame) but there might be some stuff we're unaware of.

[KuariKaydrith]

I am so sorry, NorthernZel I had hoped for better news for all of you. And hopefully this will not be cause a setback for your hubby.

[NorthernZel]

^^

Thanks. Mr Zel and his brother are going to FIL's house tomorrow and try to make it more accessible for him (build makeshift ramps, moving some of the plumbing etc. - BIL is a very skilled metal worker) and at the same time see what else can be done (the health care workers can supply some stuff, but some stuff we have to get ourselves - and that's where I come in as I know of a shop that sells items designed especially to the disabled and elderly).

[RootedPhoenix]

*hugs & prayers*

I hope things go as smoothly as possible.

[NorthernZel]

^^

Thanks, though things don't go as smoothly as I'd like them to go.

Palliative Care Unit haven't got off their asses yet (Mr Zel's gonna give them a stern phone call tomorrow), and the health care visitors are only allowed to come and dispense medicine, so everything else is up to us - and especially my old and frail MIL who is showing early signs of dementia.

I'm trying to see if I can obtain some sort of PoA when it comes to contact diverse authorities re: healthcare home visits, banking issues and such, but my inlaws tend to be the good 'ole kind of "don't want to be any bother" / "we'll handle it ourself" senior citizens, so it might be an uphill struggle.

The way I and Mr Zel see it, the best scenario would be to get FIL admitted to a hospice or a nursing home where he'll be looked after 24/7, but we have to convince the rest of the family about it.

[BeeMused]

and especially my old and frail MIL who is showing early signs of dementia.

I'm trying to see if I can obtain some sort of PoA when it comes to contact diverse authorities re: healthcare home visits, banking issues and such, but my inlaws tend to be the good 'ole kind of "don't want to be any bother" / "we'll handle it ourself" senior citizens, so it might be an uphill struggle.

Some gentle force will be most likely needed, ask what documents the authorities need, prepare them and present them to your inlaws. Early signs of dementia and care for a terminal ill family member is not a good combination. So I strongly agree with your assenment about hospice/nursing home being the best option, unless you want to shell out big money for a live-in nurse/housekeeper.

[NorthernZel]

Some gentle force will be most likely needed, ask what documents the authorities need, prepare them and present them to your inlaws. Early signs of dementia and care for a terminal ill family member is not a good combination. So I strongly agree with your assenment about hospice/nursing home being the best option, unless you want to shell out big money for a live-in nurse/housekeeper.

Well, for the time being, Mr Zel got hold of Palliative Care Unit and told them to get themselves AND a social worker out there NAO. Hopefully the social worker will be able to assess what would be the best solution (and beat some sense into the inlaws if needed )
Perhaps a live-in nurse/housekeeper might be over the top, daily visits and an alarm that can call the on-call health visitors when needed would be apt, IMO, should hospice/nursing home not be possible (after all, there is some sort of waiting list for these places).

[NorthernZel]

Latest:

Apparently Palliative Care Unit CAN't do house visits, but FIL can request to be driven to the hospital for treatment (it has something to do with where he lives - the hospital he admitted himself to can do house visits, but the hospital connected to the area he's living in can't). Anyhoo, Mr Zel got hold of a doctor in FIL's area and asked her to communicate with BIL (who will take PoA responsabillty if needed - after all, he's the only one with a car so he can get from one place to another lickety-split) and the health care supervisor in order to organize what is to be done.

I hope we get to some solution on Monday latest.

[NorthernZel]

Latest update:

FIL has been assigned daily health visits + a hospital bed + MIL got a shitload of telephone numbers. If they need anything, they just have to call.

BIL is going to visit tomorrow and have a BBQ. If everything is still OK, we'll be attending FIL's 70th birthday next week.

Mr Zel's anxiety attacks are flairing up, but he keeps in good stride and looks forward to his vacation that will start tomorrow.

[NorthernZel]

FIL passed peacefully in his sleep this morning after being admitted to hospital 3 days ago.

BIL said that he'd take care of everything re: memorial service, banking accounts, transfer of pension plans etc., so I hope it'll take some weight of Mr Zel and MIL's (especially MIL!) shoulders.

[KuariKaydrith]

I'm glad that FIL is no longer suffering and is at peace now. And it is good of BIL to take care of everything...I know how stressful it can be to arrange everything, and the last thing anybody wants is for Mr. Zel to relapse.

My thoughts are definitely with all of you *HUGS*

[BeeMused]

My condolences. Your FIL went fast and peacefully, which is a good thing and a lot less stressful for the family.
to you and your family.

[NorthernZel]

Thanks everybody.

FIL was laid to rest yesterday, the ceremony went very well.

Mr Zel could feel his anxiety attacks had intensed over the last couple of days, but he managed to get through them though.

There may be some snags along the way since Mr Zel and BIL couldn't agree about a couple of things that had to be handled after FIL's passing, but hopefully it'll blow over in a couple of days.

[XCashier]

You guys have had a really rough time. I'm sorry about your FIL, I hope he didn't suffer.

I also hope Mr. Zel and his brother can come to an agreement or compromise. Family fighting on top of everything else is not what your hubby needs.

Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

[NorthernZel]

I also hope Mr. Zel and his brother can come to an agreement or compromise. Family fighting on top of everything else is not what your hubby needs.

Thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers.

From my POV, it seems that BIL got all "big brother" about it and thought "I'm the man of the house now, it's my duty to be responsible and take care of it all", and Mr Zel (as the youngest brother) then felt kinda left out. I hope they can talk it out, I'm surely not gonna kick that hornet's nest

At least they're both agreeing about the fact that the whole estate will be in MIL's name until she passes (hopefully not until she's at least 100!).