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1. First and foremost, check to make sure that you are a moderately slovenly young teenage girl -- 14 years old at the most. If this condition is not met, do not proceed.
2. Come into the ER between 3 and 4am complaining of an insect bite. Make sure you're accompanied by a 50-60ish man, also moderately slovenly, who you identify as your "daddy." It helps if neither of you are wearing shoes.
3. After initial processing, and you are lying on the bed, swing your legs over to daddy and allow him to rub your feet. Giggle while doing so.
4. Allow daddy to sit in the bed with you and rub your shoulders.
5. Lay your head on daddy's shoulder and run your index finger in little circles over his chest. For ease of access, first make sure that daddy is wearing a sweat-stained wife-beater.
6. During questioning from nurses about the nature of the injury, allow daddy to disclose that he has been giving you Benadryl to treat the allergic reaction to the insect bite. Let him then say that lately he's been taking Benadryl to sleep. Then exclaim, "I didn't know that! No wonder you don't roll around so much anymore!"
Yeah... as one ER nurse said to my boyfriend, who witnessed this, "I am really not sure of the family dynamics going on here..."
2. Come into the ER between 3 and 4am complaining of an insect bite. Make sure you're accompanied by a 50-60ish man, also moderately slovenly, who you identify as your "daddy." It helps if neither of you are wearing shoes.
3. After initial processing, and you are lying on the bed, swing your legs over to daddy and allow him to rub your feet. Giggle while doing so.
4. Allow daddy to sit in the bed with you and rub your shoulders.
5. Lay your head on daddy's shoulder and run your index finger in little circles over his chest. For ease of access, first make sure that daddy is wearing a sweat-stained wife-beater.
6. During questioning from nurses about the nature of the injury, allow daddy to disclose that he has been giving you Benadryl to treat the allergic reaction to the insect bite. Let him then say that lately he's been taking Benadryl to sleep. Then exclaim, "I didn't know that! No wonder you don't roll around so much anymore!"
Yeah... as one ER nurse said to my boyfriend, who witnessed this, "I am really not sure of the family dynamics going on here..."
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