I'm TRYING to get help. Somebody LISTEN already!

[LadyAndreca]

I've been fighting with depression for years. It's been getting harder and harder to deal with--and at the same time, harder and harder to have the energy to do anything about it. Especially when every time I try, I get ignored...

First time I seriously tried to get help, I went to my college's health services for screening because I wasn't sure then. They got me to the right place (career services, if I remember it right), and I talked to a guy there for about an hour. After asking me at least a dozen times if I was suicidal, he let me talk and sent me away with a headpat and a condescending "you just needed to talk". Apparently he was wrong, because I kept having problems...

The second time was over a year later, when I got up enough courage and brought it up with the nurse at my doctor's office. She was sympathetic, but told me I had to go through my insurance to find a provider, and that the waiting list for all the good ones was about a month. I didn't have the will to do anything more about it then.

That was a few months ago. Now I just had a really severe bout of it, enough that EVERYONE noticed this time. I finally admitted I needed real help, and my friends aren't backing down on telling me to get it. (Yay for my friends...'cause this is HARD.) I went on my insurance's website, found the list of providers, found the ones that specialized in depression, and....I'm four for four in calling them and getting voice mail.



I'm thinking of just giving up calling, driving over to the hospital tomorrow, and seeing what happens from there. I didn't think it'd be this hard to get help...

[retailsweetie]

I know exactly how you feel. I've dealt with disthymia (long-term mild to moderate depression) since I was 12, and I'm 20 now. My mother did not listen to the numerous guidance counselors, nurses, my school principal, or my doctor when they told her I needed professional help (even when she found out I was self-harming). Finally I went to see my doctor myself and I was like "Hey, can I have a screening?" and she did it for me. If you're not getting the help you need from your primary doctor's office, keep looking around. As for playing phone tag, please keep trying, because I promise you will feel so much better once you're getting treatment. And just think, the fact that you have to wait means you're not alone.

[ShootMePlease]

Depression is definitely nothing to ignore. I have manic depression, and it's hard for me to even function sometimes. I do take medication, but sometimes everything just cripples me and I don't know what to do. Everything that used to bring me joy means little to me anymore. I stopped going to the psychiatrist long ago because I thought I could handle it. Clearly, I can't. I went to my family doc, but it's time to go back to the shrink.

Please don't ignore your problems, and don't let the fact that you can't get a hold of anyone disillusion you. I send my best wish wishes to you, and if you ever want to talk don't hesitate to message me. And I DO mean that.

Good Luck.

[Seshat]

I finally admitted I needed real help, and my friends aren't backing down on telling me to get it. (Yay for my friends...'cause this is HARD.)

I didn't think it'd be this hard to get help...

Unfortunately, help for mental illness IS difficult to get. Which sucks, because we're often the people who find it hardest to bring ourselves to get help.

Ask your friends to make contact for you. Even to the point of having a friend sit down beside you and make the phone calls, and when they find someone who is answering and needs to speak with you, put you on the phone then.

A good mental health provider will understand that some of their patients find making phone calls difficult. For legal reasons, they can't take much information from your friend without your specific permission (so you will need to be available); but they won't mind that it's your friend who made the initial contact.


Edit to add: Kudos - major kudos - to you for TRYING. This is a huge step forward, even though it's proving to be more difficult than you expected.

[Sapphire Silk]

Keep making those phone calls. Eventually, you will get someone.

Going to the hospital may help you get a referral, but be warned, they will focus on suicide risk first and foremost. Be careful not to talk yourself into a 3 day hold.

It will take patience, but you will eventually get someone.

Expect treatment to be a lot of work. If you have a good therapist, it will be. Try to make a plan; tell your therapist what you want to achieve from therapy. That will help him figure out what kind of therapy you need.

And don't give up if you don't get the right therapist first time out. I had to go through several before I found the one who was able to help me.

[telecom_goddess]

Good luck with the search. I am dealing with depression now myself and am lucky to have a therapist from before I can see. But he took a lot of work to find initially.

[Solumina]

If you get a voice mail then leave a message, don't let it discourage you, I'm not sure what it is like where you are from but around here there are a lot of people who run their practice out of their home and have no secretary or anything so if they are in a session (which they are for the majority of their day) they let any calls go to voice mail, it doesn't mean that they don't care or that they will not contact you promptly. Finding a therapist can be quite an ordeal but it is one well worth undergoing. I wish you the best of luck.

[Pairou]

I've had so many issues and not a lot of good luck getting help for them lately- and all because I give up easily. It may take time, especially if the offices are closed or if the individual psychologists/psychiatrists are busy with another patient. But just keep going for it and you will at least find someone who will help you find someone you need!

[Aims]

Don't give up! I spent so many years depressed, because my mother told me I just need to 'grow up and deal with life'. She still tells me that, even though I've been on meds for almost 3 years. I wouldn't go to the hospital. I was feeling suicidal, and my sister took me in to the ER. They sent me to a mental hospital for about 3 days. The only good thing that came from it was I got an appointment with my now-psychiatrist, and he's AWESOME

[ShadowBall]

It's hard to make others understand that depression is real and it sucks a LOT. I've had a few bouts of bad depression in my life and I think I may have more long-term mild depression (which is possible - my home life sucks). Once when I was depressed, I slept for three days. Didn't eat, didn't shower, nothing. My mother would come in my room several times a day to bitch at me that "there's more to life than sleeping!" because she didn't seem to realize she was the reason I was depressed (was interfering with my ability to visit a friend out of town).

I won't ever be able to get help until I leave the house because any shrink will tell me the cause of my problems is my mother, and my mother certainly will not shuttle me to and from appointments that tell me she's bad. Thankfully, my coping methods seem to still be working at keeping me alive.

Definitely be careful if you choose to just go right to a hospital, only because (as mentioned by others) if you talk of suicide, they may decide to make you stay for three days of observation. I mean if you want to avoid doing that - don't know where you work, but I realize you might not be able to afford three days away from work.

[Der Cute]

In my experience: going to an ER is ONLY for when you are suicidal. If you're functionish and not suicidal - call crisis lines and get to talk to someone. I remember being really far in the ditch and needing a human to talk to - except that I couldn't get out of the house being so depressed..catch 22. Need people, cant get out, need people, cant get out....fucking superglue.

Sweety - I had Post Partum Depression (sep critter from depression) and had to do so much legwork it was ridiculous. I mean, I was striking out like you are. I'd suggest calling your regular doctor and asking if they know a counselor who deals well with depression. Also cross reference the name list from your insurance, with Yelp.com and other search / review sites. That might help a bit. And DO NOT GIVE UP ON THIS. Pester the FUCK out of those providers, you need the help. Shit, ask the crisis line if they have anyone locally.

I know you're banging your head against the wall, I've done that. You have to keep slogging on in this crap. One thing you can do while you're waiting for the psych people to call you back, is to check in here or with friends every night. I've had to do that, it helped me feel like I had some lifeline/buoy and it kept me going. Guess that cuz I'm such a pushy broad I can do this stuff/give you the advice. But, as I've been there, when you're in it so far and so heavy, you can't always do complex things.

Anyone ever had medicine head with a cold? Or stupid head with a cold/flu? Being supremely depressed you get stupid. I'm serious. Like DURR dumb. So having a complex task is not easy, add some anxiety to that, sprinkle of doubt, and a cup of stupid...takes longer.

We are here. We will listen. We will help. Oh. Speaking of We...can you find a mental health group? May not be a psych doc, but you might use word of mouth to find one and it helps just venting out your stuff.

Hugs, good luck, and pop vitamin D.

[Sparky]

Lady, hang in there. Finding help for depression can be very hard because, as you know, the depression takes away your strength and resolve to get help. It made me feel that I didn't deserve help.

Before you go to the hospital, have you tried talking to your doctor? I know you said you talked to the nurse at your doctor's office, and that's great, but you might call and insist on seeing the doctor. If nothing else, your regular doctor can write you a prescription for antidepressants, which might help until you can get in to see someone else.

I do recommend seeing a psychiatrist, or at least a psychologist who works under a psychiatrist, but until you can get in to see one, go see whomever you CAN get in to see! Then, you will have an official diagnosis and your doctor's office ought to be able to make these calls for you. Let them play phone tag if you're not up to it. I don't know how your insurance works, but many plans won't even pay a specialist unless you have a referral from your primary care physician. Ask your primary care doctor to help.

[LadyAndreca]

I didn't mean the ER; both hospitals near me have psychiatic units. And I DID try going to my doctor, sort of. The nurse there told me I had to go through my insurance, so I didn't bring it up with the doctor.

I probably should go back to him, because he listens to me. That's a huge step up from all these other people that won't respond to a voicemail...

[Sparky]

I didn't mean the ER; both hospitals near me have psychiatic units. And I DID try going to my doctor, sort of. The nurse there told me I had to go through my insurance, so I didn't bring it up with the doctor.

I probably should go back to him, because he listens to me. That's a huge step up from all these other people that won't respond to a voicemail...

There you go. Make an appointment with him.

You probably need to find a psychiatrist who accepts your insurance, sure. Get a list and take it with you. Then tell your doctor how hard you've been trying to find help on your own and how frustrated you are.

[trailerparkmedic]

Don't go to the psych hospital. The majority of psych hospitals are for stabilizing patients who are a danger to themselves either through inability to take care of themselves (eg a manic patient who hasn't eaten in days) or due to being suicidal. If you aren't either, you probably won't get admitted. In many parts of the country it's tough to find spots even if you are a danger. However, if you are feeling suicidal, go to the hospital.

I'd guess that if your doctor's office is referring you to a psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist, your doctor doesn't feel qualified to treat you, so keep trying to find someone your insurance will work with. The only primary care doctor I ever had that would touch my psych issues was my pediatrician, who happened to have done an extra residency in child psych. One of my primary physicians straight up told me "I haven't done any psych work beyond screenings since med school, so here's how to find someone your insurance will accept."