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I wanted to make a post about this partly because I'm feeling quite good about the decision I made, but it ties in with the sucky therapy posts I made previously.
Some of you may remember that I was diagnosed with depression and global anxiety back in May but it took nearly 2 months for me to even be spoken to anyone at the "talking service" I was referred to, and I bitched about that on here^^;; . I had an incompetent girl on the phone just sort of um-and-ah her way through a couple of 15 minute phone calls before I made a complaint to my GP, stating that I did not feel that the "sessions" were at all helpful and wanted face-to-face therapy with someone who knew what they were talking about (this girl was stumped when one technique she suggested didn't work and wanted to give up, phoned up late for our phone appointments, misplaced my notes, "diagnosed" me as OCD when I didn't even score high enough on the test etc...).
I want to mention here...I definately made a complaint to my GP but he acted like it wasn't a complaint and only a request for different treatment. It wasn't that I wasn't taken seriously, so it seemed to me, as much as it seemed almost as if no one wanted to hear anything negative about the only therapy program in my region (it turns out it was either this iTalk service, or go to the actual nut house, thats all the help you get around here! I was shocked! I always thought southern England had relatively good health services...). This may not seem relevant now, but it will come back up later.
Long story short, I saw someone in town for about 2 or 3 sessions, I can't remember exactly how many, between August and September. She was actually good, and gave me helpful leaflets and advice. I think some people would say its not real therapy, but it definately did help. The final session however never took place...I didn't know at the time, but there was an oil spill on the motorway that day that halted traffic, so I was left waiting at my appointment for a full hour before I decided to just call it quits. When I found out it was because she had been in the jam I decided to give it another go, but I never spoke to her again. She left me a message saying she felt I should move onto Cognitive Behavourial therapy.
Turns out, however, the waiting list wasn't a few weeks like was implied. I didn't hear from anyone again until the end of November...and during that time...
I posted in Sightings I was semi-attacked by an aggressive dog in public, and then verbally abused by his owner. In the weeks immediately following that incident, I found myself TERRIFIED of dogs and having panic attacks in public. Shortly prior to that incident, I thought I had lost an item of sentimental value on my way to work, tried to find it, nearly got hit by a car and then had the worst public panic attack I've ever had. During this time I was also having horrible nightmares- one night I had 2 nightmares back-to-back about going to the dentist, which is one of my biggest problems at the moment (even a checkup induces a panic attack, fortunately my dentist is very sympathetic). I was having nightmares frequently, nervous and teary over tiny things...
And finally, just as I was saying that I was going to contact iTalk and ask them what the hell was going on, I get a letter from them- they had "booked" an appointment for me that not only clashed with my work hours but also made sure that my appointment was miles away.
Now, I don't drive. I walk or use public transport. And the place they wanted me to haul my ass to is a long, expensive bus-journey away. They wanted me to fit in this exspensive little adventure weekly for about 2 months...now they knew I worked in retail due to me telling them and they wanted me to do this during the fucking christmas period?
I was livid for several reasons. One, assuming I would just go wherever they told me to. If you drive, the town this was held in (I'll call W) isn't far, but only if you drive. The return fare on the bus is actually more expensive then a return fare into the nearest major city. Second, they didn't ask if this was ok, they just booked it and expected me to be ok with it, despite having a job. 3- the therapist in question actually works part of the week at a facility literally doors away from my place of employment, but they figured it more appropriate to send me off to W and fuck the expenses?!
So i TRIED phoning them (I never seem to get through to any of these twats on the phone) and left a message stating that I needed to speak about the appointment as the time and location were both very inconvenient to me, and (and this took me quite a bit of courage to actually say this) that I've been extremely unhappy with the service up until now and I would like someone to call me please.
Turns out my message got "cut off". Maybe. I got a letter a few days later asking what was wrong, and I called them again in the direct line. I finally actually got to talk to the therapist.
And she was crap.
Don't get me wrong, I was perfectly polite and civil through all this. In fact maybe thats why they ignored me in a way. It took a lot of guts for me to say to them I was unhappy with them. I said to her that I didn't think it was right they had assumed I would just able to do any date or time they chose regardless of my work or circumstances, that W was just too far away for someone with no car and little money to spend on buses, and that I had felt let down by the service. I told her that I was left to my own devices for 2 months and that during that time my panic attacks got worse, my nightmares more prolific, and didn't know who to contact. I told her that in all honesty I felt I knew enough about what was making me tick and making me nervous to get on with it and that I wanted to quit...I felt all the numerous problems and hiccups were stressing me out and making me frustrated, the information the second girl had given me had been helpful enough for me to think my own behaviour through, but while I had been waiting around waiting for them (her, this therapist) to come and help me, I had been left isolated, stuck and more scared than ever. So I was quitting because I felt it was going to be better for me in the long run to try and tackle things head on, logically, than wait for some experts to get round to me whenever they felt bothered.
Yes I said that.
All she heard- and she actually repeated this back to me- was that I was now going to end the therapy as I felt I had made enough progress on my own.
Yep. she said that.
It wasn't hundred percent wrong...but it wasn't the truth either. I had just told her that her services and her colleague's services had been inadequate and that I was basically qutting as i felt getting on with it myself would be better than waiting for them to remember me, and she heard none of the complaint, none of the negativity.
BUT...
the happy ending is...
I am feeling much better.
My depression is under much better control. I don't need medication, I don't need SH- from time to time I feel down and I just say "its ok, it's just my down time, it'll be better in a few days" and I distract myself.
I don't get as nervous as I used to, or if I do, I just face it head on. I'm phoning the dentist tomorrow for a checkup. I still get pyschosymatic pain and it scares me, but I'm going anyway.
I used to be terrified of trains...something I've been working on for a few years. I was on the Tube last night, in London for New Years, and after getting off at Victoria I realised I hadn't been nervous once at all!
(Still didn't like the teeny platform I was on next, but hey, thats what hugging the wall is for eh?
)
I haven't had a nightmare in ages.
In fact a few nights ago, I had a dream I woke up on the ledge of a tall skyscraper type building, with suspended railway tracks weaving through the buildings. I was terrified of falling off the edge and crying. then someone told me it was ok to jump down. I had a closer look and instead of a plummeting drop there was a wide track less than a couple of feet down, safe to walk on, so I climbed down and walked away...
Me- 1, iTalk-0
I am still really disappointed by how crap the service was, but in a way it motivated me to sort myself out. I actually suspect that the majority of people in my area using the service may be...ahem...the type kinda faking to get signed off work and stuff....<.<...
Some of you may remember that I was diagnosed with depression and global anxiety back in May but it took nearly 2 months for me to even be spoken to anyone at the "talking service" I was referred to, and I bitched about that on here^^;; . I had an incompetent girl on the phone just sort of um-and-ah her way through a couple of 15 minute phone calls before I made a complaint to my GP, stating that I did not feel that the "sessions" were at all helpful and wanted face-to-face therapy with someone who knew what they were talking about (this girl was stumped when one technique she suggested didn't work and wanted to give up, phoned up late for our phone appointments, misplaced my notes, "diagnosed" me as OCD when I didn't even score high enough on the test etc...).
I want to mention here...I definately made a complaint to my GP but he acted like it wasn't a complaint and only a request for different treatment. It wasn't that I wasn't taken seriously, so it seemed to me, as much as it seemed almost as if no one wanted to hear anything negative about the only therapy program in my region (it turns out it was either this iTalk service, or go to the actual nut house, thats all the help you get around here! I was shocked! I always thought southern England had relatively good health services...). This may not seem relevant now, but it will come back up later.
Long story short, I saw someone in town for about 2 or 3 sessions, I can't remember exactly how many, between August and September. She was actually good, and gave me helpful leaflets and advice. I think some people would say its not real therapy, but it definately did help. The final session however never took place...I didn't know at the time, but there was an oil spill on the motorway that day that halted traffic, so I was left waiting at my appointment for a full hour before I decided to just call it quits. When I found out it was because she had been in the jam I decided to give it another go, but I never spoke to her again. She left me a message saying she felt I should move onto Cognitive Behavourial therapy.
Turns out, however, the waiting list wasn't a few weeks like was implied. I didn't hear from anyone again until the end of November...and during that time...
I posted in Sightings I was semi-attacked by an aggressive dog in public, and then verbally abused by his owner. In the weeks immediately following that incident, I found myself TERRIFIED of dogs and having panic attacks in public. Shortly prior to that incident, I thought I had lost an item of sentimental value on my way to work, tried to find it, nearly got hit by a car and then had the worst public panic attack I've ever had. During this time I was also having horrible nightmares- one night I had 2 nightmares back-to-back about going to the dentist, which is one of my biggest problems at the moment (even a checkup induces a panic attack, fortunately my dentist is very sympathetic). I was having nightmares frequently, nervous and teary over tiny things...
And finally, just as I was saying that I was going to contact iTalk and ask them what the hell was going on, I get a letter from them- they had "booked" an appointment for me that not only clashed with my work hours but also made sure that my appointment was miles away.
Now, I don't drive. I walk or use public transport. And the place they wanted me to haul my ass to is a long, expensive bus-journey away. They wanted me to fit in this exspensive little adventure weekly for about 2 months...now they knew I worked in retail due to me telling them and they wanted me to do this during the fucking christmas period?
I was livid for several reasons. One, assuming I would just go wherever they told me to. If you drive, the town this was held in (I'll call W) isn't far, but only if you drive. The return fare on the bus is actually more expensive then a return fare into the nearest major city. Second, they didn't ask if this was ok, they just booked it and expected me to be ok with it, despite having a job. 3- the therapist in question actually works part of the week at a facility literally doors away from my place of employment, but they figured it more appropriate to send me off to W and fuck the expenses?!
So i TRIED phoning them (I never seem to get through to any of these twats on the phone) and left a message stating that I needed to speak about the appointment as the time and location were both very inconvenient to me, and (and this took me quite a bit of courage to actually say this) that I've been extremely unhappy with the service up until now and I would like someone to call me please.
Turns out my message got "cut off". Maybe. I got a letter a few days later asking what was wrong, and I called them again in the direct line. I finally actually got to talk to the therapist.
And she was crap.
Don't get me wrong, I was perfectly polite and civil through all this. In fact maybe thats why they ignored me in a way. It took a lot of guts for me to say to them I was unhappy with them. I said to her that I didn't think it was right they had assumed I would just able to do any date or time they chose regardless of my work or circumstances, that W was just too far away for someone with no car and little money to spend on buses, and that I had felt let down by the service. I told her that I was left to my own devices for 2 months and that during that time my panic attacks got worse, my nightmares more prolific, and didn't know who to contact. I told her that in all honesty I felt I knew enough about what was making me tick and making me nervous to get on with it and that I wanted to quit...I felt all the numerous problems and hiccups were stressing me out and making me frustrated, the information the second girl had given me had been helpful enough for me to think my own behaviour through, but while I had been waiting around waiting for them (her, this therapist) to come and help me, I had been left isolated, stuck and more scared than ever. So I was quitting because I felt it was going to be better for me in the long run to try and tackle things head on, logically, than wait for some experts to get round to me whenever they felt bothered.
Yes I said that.
All she heard- and she actually repeated this back to me- was that I was now going to end the therapy as I felt I had made enough progress on my own.
Yep. she said that.
It wasn't hundred percent wrong...but it wasn't the truth either. I had just told her that her services and her colleague's services had been inadequate and that I was basically qutting as i felt getting on with it myself would be better than waiting for them to remember me, and she heard none of the complaint, none of the negativity.
BUT...
the happy ending is...
I am feeling much better.
My depression is under much better control. I don't need medication, I don't need SH- from time to time I feel down and I just say "its ok, it's just my down time, it'll be better in a few days" and I distract myself.
I don't get as nervous as I used to, or if I do, I just face it head on. I'm phoning the dentist tomorrow for a checkup. I still get pyschosymatic pain and it scares me, but I'm going anyway.
I used to be terrified of trains...something I've been working on for a few years. I was on the Tube last night, in London for New Years, and after getting off at Victoria I realised I hadn't been nervous once at all!
(Still didn't like the teeny platform I was on next, but hey, thats what hugging the wall is for eh?
)I haven't had a nightmare in ages.
In fact a few nights ago, I had a dream I woke up on the ledge of a tall skyscraper type building, with suspended railway tracks weaving through the buildings. I was terrified of falling off the edge and crying. then someone told me it was ok to jump down. I had a closer look and instead of a plummeting drop there was a wide track less than a couple of feet down, safe to walk on, so I climbed down and walked away...
Me- 1, iTalk-0
I am still really disappointed by how crap the service was, but in a way it motivated me to sort myself out. I actually suspect that the majority of people in my area using the service may be...ahem...the type kinda faking to get signed off work and stuff....<.<...
Kuddos on facing your fears and going on anyway.
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