How do you cope?

[Antisocial_Worker]

It's a simple question, but vitally important... How do you cope with it when you see something truly ghastly during the course of your day?

I ask because even though I'm only involved on the very farthest periphery of social work right now, I'm already seeing some truly horrifying things. For a long time I've been aware of the things that people do to each other and on many levels I'm used to it and it doesn't bother me. However, until you lose every last shred of your humanity, it's going to bother you on some deep psychic level.

This low level ache for people is what I need some advice on. I would mention what it is that's on my mind, but I've learned that when it comes to HIPAA, if you have to ask whether or not you can talk about it, you can't talk about it. Therefore...

When it comes to general human evil and mayhem, and people's capacity for cruelty to one another, how do you see it, work with it, and cope?

[Teskeria]

In a social work situation, you do tend to see more of the bad than the good. Therefore, you need to make an effort to notice the good. There really is more good out there, but it is just not as 'in the face' obvious as the bad. Remind yourself that even a small improvement is a victory and a step in the right direction.
A lot of social workers, ect. burn out because they start only seeing the bad, and overlook the good.

[KhirasHY]

I've said it in a couple threads, but I try to find the funniest stuff I can ASAP. Searching Louis CK on youtube has turned my day around many a time...

[Thana]

I've found that writing all the bad crud in a journal...and keeping a journal specifically for bad crud helps. Especially if I tuck the bad crud journal somewhere out of the way once I'm done writing in it. For some reason the chronicling seems to get it out of my mind faster..and allows me to deal with stuff when I feel I'm ready to.

[morgana]

Music. Humor. Smashing garage-sale crockery against concrete.

Not that I could ever do that job. I'd wind up in prison . . .

[Draper Mel]

In a similar vein, I've sometimes thought about volunteering at an animal shelter, but again, you'd see a lot of bad stuff. I don't know how well I'd deal with that.

[Sapphire Silk]

I try to maintain a balance between professional distance and empathy. I try not to take the job home with me.

I'm not always successful. I've seen some ungodly awful things myself. When necessary, I see my therapist to decompress.

[jedimaster91]

Violent video games. For me, nothing is quite as satisfying after a rough day than a little (or a lot of) virtual mayhem. The Arkham series is especially good because you get to hear the mooks' bones breaking when they get a Bat-fist to the face. Or hear them freak out as they start disappearing one by one. I may or may not have been known to imagine the object of my frustration/disgust/rage on the screen getting pummeled into oblivion.

And don't be afraid to come home and cry if you need to.

[KhirasHY]

In a similar vein, I've sometimes thought about volunteering at an animal shelter, but again, you'd see a lot of bad stuff. I don't know how well I'd deal with that.

No-kill shelters tend to be easier to deal with, though running into abused animals will still ruin your week. I know someone who breeds domesticated rats (which are soooo damn cute) who takes volunteer help for little things That seems pretty stress free

[Seshat]

I helped at a shelter for a while. Became physically unable to do much, though I might go back to help socialise the scared animals (basically, sit in the furthest part of their cage from them and let them come to me).

Yes, you see some horrible cases. Yes, you see animals who have been actively trained to attack humans, or other dogs. Or animals who have been neglected, or ...

What helps me is to focus on the moments of good things. The relief the matted animal gets when the matted fur is shaved off. The moment when a scared animal WANTS to come closer to you - even by one step. The excitement when a dog sees that A (best friend) is coming to HER with a leash, and it's HER TURN for a WALK!

Also, I have to remind myself that I did not cause the Bad Things. I have chosen to take responsibility for helping to prevent/reduce the impact of Bad Things. I am actively making the world a better place.

Sometimes it seems like an impossible job; but then I can remind myself of the other people who are also actively making the world a better place. Co-workers - paid and unpaid - at the shelter. My therapist. Other therapists. Nurses. Social workers. The volunteers at the Merri Creek Restoration Project. The volunteers at Clean Up Australia Day. The kid in the line at the shops who tells the salesgirl 'You're pretty'....

Fixing this world is a big, tough job. But there's a lot of willing people who are working on it.

Vent out the emotions caused by the horrible stuff, so they can't fester. Anti-social Worker, you've seen my suggestions for venting before: pretty much anything creative, whether you're good at it or not. Or physical things, like beating a punching bag, kneading bread, giving that rusty balustrade a really THOROUGH scouring before you repaint it....

And yes, as Teskeria said, make a special point of noticing the good. And of noticing the other people actively trying to make a positive difference in the world, however small that difference may be.

[Sunshine]

I listen to music, read, color pictures, and hug my kiddo. I tried to be a CASA while in college...i tip my hat to you for going into social work...

[trailerparkmedic]

I focus on the good I can do. I get my friends in the ICU to tell me their miracle stories (I never see the happy endings). My job is bad about giving us time to talk about the very bad things so my coworkers and I go out for dinner and drinks after tough days and talk. Talking to someone who gets it helps me the most.

[Sapphire Silk]

Honestly, a lot of the gallows humor nurses employ, while unprofessional sounding to the casual ear, is actually a coping mechanism.

If we didn't laugh, we'd

[jedimaster91]

Honestly, a lot of the gallows humor nurses employ, while unprofessional sounding to the casual ear, is actually a coping mechanism.

If we didn't laugh, we'd

There is so much truth to this. And sometimes we do get home and cry. Medical professionals do it, cops do it, and you can bet social workers do too. I've actually gotten chewed out by an acquaintance for how heartless a comment I jokingly made sounded. What he didn't know is I had just come off a week of seeing a lot of possible abuse cases on really little kids and it was really bothering me. So if you ever do hear someone in one of these professions make a joke out of something particularly horrific, think about what they see and experience on a daily basis. We're not horrible people for it, it's just something we have to do sometimes so we can continue to function.

[Seshat]

We're not horrible people for it, it's just something we have to do sometimes so we can continue to function.

Chronic patients do it too. So do their carers.

So yes, I completely understand.